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What am I going to do!

(7 Posts)
worrieddaughter Wed 27-Apr-05 00:17:23

I don't even know where to start!! I've never had a great relationship with my mum, she put me down a lot when I was growing up and left me with no self esteem. When I had dd, we became a bit closer and the constant criticism stopped. she and dd have a really close relationship and she helps me out a huge ammount with her.
the last year she has slowly made her way back to the way she was with me beforehand, sly underhand comments, chipping away at all self esteem I have.

This has gotton progresively worse, and a the last few weeks she had been very strange with me, not speaking to me at all for no apparent reason. Then two weeks ago she tried to commit suicide, thankfully my dad realised what she had done and got her to hospital, she's ok now and receiving help for her problems.

I was feeling really awful for thinking all kinds of horrible things about her, when all along it seems she was ill.

But today my dad came to see me as he "felt awful, and thought someone should tell me" - it turns out literally days after being released from hospital my mother has decided that I am not capable of bringing up my daughter at all, now the last year all her little 'digs' at me have been regarding dd, but nothing major.

She has now, gone to dd's school and to our gp's to speak to them about my inability to bring up my daughter, and as I undertsand it they have had to involve social services, so my dad came to see me to warn me that I may receive a visit from them.

I have absolutely npo idea what she could possibly have told them to make them call ss, but I certainly know that dd is fine and a visit from a social worker doesn't worry me at all. But I am extremely angry at my mum for doing this, why would she do that to me!!

I don't know how I am ever going to face her again without trying to kill her!! lol I don't want to cause a rift anywhere, nor do I want to deny my dd the relationship she has with her nana but I cannot bear to have someone who has so little regard for me, so much so to spread untruths about me to this point, in my life.

My dad keeps saying to me to 'remember she's ill' but right now I couldn't give a toss how ill she is, this is mine and dd's life she is meddling with, I'm so angry!!

I'm not quite sure what the point of this post is but I needed to get it down and try to make some sense of it. And could really do with some advice on how to deal with my mum, my dad has begged me not to tell my mum that he's told me this. I don't want to make life hard for him, but I don't know if I can carry on pretending like I don't know anything until a social worker turns up at my doorstep! and I'm really really angry at her for doing this!

Thanks xx

Tortington Wed 27-Apr-05 00:51:31

gosh, really sorry your going through this it is really rubbish. my mum too "is ill" and did the same kind of stand offish things. it really is hard to seperate the illness from your feelings of hurt and anger. and i have no solutions for you - just to say i understand.


strugstu Wed 27-Apr-05 01:12:57

thats terrible...

This is only my opinion but, not sure how much credance the GP will pay to ur mums discussion with him/her speacially considering ur mum's previous mental state.

As for school i would make appt with head explain ur mothers poor mental health, ask if they had any concerns etc, and if ur dd is ok at school, then remind them that u are the one with parental responsibilities and if they have any concerns they should be discussed with u or the appropriate authority i.e. school nurse or even socserv if they thought it necessary but NOT ur mother.

TBH if socservices do get involved i think once u had explained ur mothers poor mental health and these are the reasons for her behaviour, they prob wont be that interested either.

poor u

debs26 Wed 27-Apr-05 07:40:27

really feel for you, i have interfering mil who has done exactly this (easier than it being my own mum of course). ss are usually lovely, call them and ask if they will come round sooner rather than later so you can confront your mum. would also echo strugstu - you need to explain to school what is happening. i know you dont want to spoil the realtionship between her and your daughter but i would monitor it very closely. my sons are in a horrid situation where mil keeps slagging me off to them. it upsets them a huge amount and you really dont want the same to happen to your dd . i hope she gets better soon for all of your sakes xx

runtus Wed 27-Apr-05 10:38:21

Not alot to add to the other posts but just wanted to say how sorry I am, sounds horrid. I would also advise pre-empting the meeting with SS, makes it very clear you have nothing to hide and want to clear the situation up as soon as possible.

Making an appointment with the Head teacher is a good idea too, maybe take you Dad along to both meetings if possible - gives your side of the story more credance and stops it looking like your word against hers.......................

MeerkatsUnite Wed 27-Apr-05 10:50:05

How awful for you. Two words here spring to mind re your Mum - toxic parent.

I would also think that SS will not give much if any credence to your Mother's tales. SS will decide there is no case to answer and therefore you won't get a knock at the door.

Did the school contact you directly to say that your Mother had visited?. Did your GP surgery also make contact?. You need to determine whether your Mother actually spoke with these people and if so when.

Why didn't your Dad seemingly do anything to try and prevent this from all happening?.

Was wondering if your Dad has talked with his GP about your Mother's mental state of mind. Quite apart from the devastating impact her mental illness had had on you all over the years, she is still causing unfounded trouble now. Your Dad cannot keep putting his head in the sand in the hopes it will all go away.

I would suggest you also read "Toxic Parents" written by Susan Forward as this deals with abusive relationships between parents and children (who are now adults).

MeerkatsUnite Wed 27-Apr-05 10:52:47

I would also talk with the unit who previously treated your Mother after her suicide attempt. Was any pyschiatric help offered to her and if so did she accept this?. Of course you don't have to answer that but it may well help you to tell them.

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