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Stag do & possible strip club

(18 Posts)
Nat777 Tue 26-Apr-05 12:25:43

Help! My Boyfriend has a stag do this weekend and I have heard rumours that they will be visiting a strip club in the evening and the thought of him being surrounded by all of those naked gorgeous women is turning my stomach. And I told him I didnt want him going there.

I have found out that he has told his friends he now cant go and of course he has told them why, so I look like a complete bitch.

Me being 24 weeks pregnant with our 1st child probably is helping and he does love me but I just cant stand the thought of it, but he cant miss the stag do for me.

What do I do? Please help?

Lizzylou Tue 26-Apr-05 12:29:25

I have just read your other thread so I can see why you'd be upset.
They are NOT all gorgeous creatures at these places (I have seen DH's pictures of various stag dos!!) but if it makes you feel upset and insecure then I would hope he respectes your feelings.

HappyDaddy Tue 26-Apr-05 12:29:27

The only reason the others will be going is because their other halves don't know it includes strippers. You're not a bitch. If you feel strongly then stick to your guns. If he respected your feelings he wouldn't go.

My dw tells me to go but I never fancy it.

elsmommy Tue 26-Apr-05 12:30:09

I think you just have to leave him to it and have some mates round to take your mind off it.
I'd hate it too
Hey and when the babys born go and see some male strippers to wet the babies head

HappyDaddy Tue 26-Apr-05 12:30:27

He can still go to stag do but leave early, before strippers arrive. I'd make the excuse that you are ill.

miranda2 Tue 26-Apr-05 12:31:31

I think its fair enough to insist on no strip club. Grim. Why should women be exploited for their entertainment? He should be protesting himself, not just passing on your request. I banned my dh from any strip joint/lapdancing/prostitute type shennanigans on his stag night. Can't they jsut get smashed and go to a normal night club like most people do?? Maybe he could go to the earlier bit and then not on to the strip club, or maybe he could talk to the best man (or whoever is organising the night) and see if they could replan the evening - maybe a comedy club or something instead?

But also to say, well done him for saying he couldn't go (evne if he did tell them it was because you didn't like it). Not many men have the guts to stand up and say 'my girlfriend doesn't want me to go so I'm not going to'. Tell him how proud you are of him, and say you are happy for him to go to the rest of the event just not the strip club.

NomDePlume Tue 26-Apr-05 12:31:43

A strip club is a pretty harmless place to be honest. The girls get their kit off and the blokes sit and have a drink and a bit of a leer. I wouldn't be too worried about it if it was a one off, which it is.

Although having read your other thread about your DP's reluctance to have sex with you, then I would be more put out by it.

I think you are right to tell him that you'd rather he didn't go, but I dont think you can tel him not to go, IYSWIM. All you can do is make your feelings clear (without going hysterical) and then let him make the decision.

snafu Tue 26-Apr-05 12:33:33

But, you told him you didn't want him to go, so he's respected your wishes and isn't going. Where's the problem?

WideWebWitch Tue 26-Apr-05 12:34:17

Why do men have to do this? It's gross. I agree with happydaddy, if he's going, he can come back before the strip club. I bet hd's right, the other wives/partners don't know. My dp wouldn't be going, no question. I happen not to think strip clubs are harmless though.

NomDePlume Tue 26-Apr-05 12:38:49

Given that I used to work in one, I can confirm that the majority of well managed clubs are really nothing for customer's partners to be getting paranoid about. The girls are not all raging nymphos out to rob husbands and partners. They are there for a number of reasons - it's relatively easy (if knackering) money, it's a confidence booster, often the girls are students paying their way through college or are parents who could go and work all the hours God sends on the checkouts at Lidl or come in for a couple of nights a week and still spend time with their children.... The list goes on.

Lizzylou Tue 26-Apr-05 12:38:59

I think it's sort of the expected thing to do at a stag do...my Dh said he found it embarrassing and him and most of his mates ended up watching the TV screens (Match of the day was on, so I definitely believe him!).
To be honest it didn't bother me at all, I made sure that no-one booked me a stripper as I have cringed thru so many male strippers performances at other hen do's...it's sleazy,horrible and cheap IMO! I thought it was funny that DH went to one on his do and has been to others, but I wasn't pregnant and knowing how I felt when I was "with child" I know that I wouldn't have wanted DH to go then at all.

Gobbledigook Tue 26-Apr-05 12:41:08

I wouldn't be bothered by a one off trip for a stag do tbh.

But if it really bothers you that much then I think he should respect that.

lunarx Tue 26-Apr-05 12:49:02

i hope he respects your wishes and doesn't go...

basketcase Tue 26-Apr-05 12:56:03

As you have already told him you are unhappy and he has called it off, what are you worried about?
If you feel you were a bit hasty then talk to him about it. After all, what are your real concerns? that he might see naked girls who are really pretty or that he might take advantage of the situation and get up to something? Surely looking at naked girls isn’t much of a deal and if you are worried it might go further then why on earth are you marrying him if the trust and fidelity is up for debate? I know you are pregnant and it can make s all feel vulnerable and wobbly at times so try to take a look at what is really bothering you and talk to him.
As for all those gorgeous girls...think again!

crunchie Tue 26-Apr-05 13:18:04

You may think you look like a complete bitch, but TBH the other mens partners will be impressed as they may feel the same, but not able to say it Most women would say 'Oh well I don't like it, but what can I do' Stick to your guns and be proud of yourself

However I have to say if dh knew there would be a strip club at a stag night, he'd beg me to forbid him to go

Nat777 Tue 26-Apr-05 13:29:24

Thanks for all of the advice and as some of you have said, if you have read my other thread you probably understand my feelings.

There is not a chance that he will be unfaithful, not a single chance so that is not the concern. I am a jealous person anyway (cant help it) and being pregnant certainly doesnt help! He told the groom that he couldnt go and the groom was really put out, hence me feeling a bitch!

Guess I will have to see how it goes tonight at home. I wish I could be fine about it, I try, but I just cant!

crunchie Tue 26-Apr-05 13:39:34

nat777 reading your other thread does make sense, but I can add yet another man to the list of men who won't do it whilst pg It is so common. 1st time I think we did it 2 times, 2nd time never

Bubblegirl Tue 26-Apr-05 19:34:16

My fella went to prague on a stag do and mentioned there would probably be strip clubs involved what with it being a load of lads so I just took it with a pinch of salt. He rang me regularly and told me what they were up to at various stages which was ok. After the weekend one of the lads produced a DVD of the weekend with all the photos of them and also a video clip of the strippers they hired for the cousin. Dp was quite embarassed that I wanted to see it but I watched it anyway, so curious. The poor lad in question was very mortified and the others were really just having a laugh at his expense and probably a quick leer as well but it wasn't too big of a deal. I was disappointed to see the 2 girls were absolutley supermodel material and their set was very sexual but lads don't take it all as seriously as us women do. I don't think any of his friends would take you for a bitch - they expect to be banned from this kind of thing and would think you a bit weird if you thought it was all super cool. I think they see it as the partners job to kick off about it so mostly the partners dont' get told - i don't think they'd be remotely perplexed that you'd banned your fella from going - it's fair enough. Boys don't have any of that stuff to put up with from us so they don't really know what it's like do they?

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