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He wont have sex.....

(13 Posts)
Nat777 Mon 25-Apr-05 19:33:37

.....with me. I am 24 weeks today with our 1st child and since we found out I was pregnant (at 7wks) he has refused to have sex with me. Initally he said it was bcos he was scared of harming me/the baby but after some 'digging' it seems he feels it is morally wrong.

Our sex life was great before and he certainly isnt prudish! But I am now taking it personally, it is really harming my confidence and I feel quite insecure. We have fallen out about it many times, but it seems he cant have sex with me or do anything sexual until after the birth.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Should I just shut and put up and respect the well he feels?

Mum2girls Mon 25-Apr-05 19:45:34

Lots of men get like this. My DP said he felt funny about sex when he could feel the baby move, so our sex life dwindled a bit in the later stages (unfortunate really cos I was gagging for it most of the time). Picked up afterwards tho!

bubbly1973 Mon 25-Apr-05 20:27:45

nat dont take it personally, and if i was you, id respect his wishes

we never had sex for the whole 9 months!! i was gagging for it later on in the pregnancy but dh wouldnt

i should point out that dh has an extremely high sex drive but he just couldnt do it, yet he did find me attractive (still does...i hope!)

so dont take it personally

Nat777 Mon 25-Apr-05 21:00:15

Thanks for both of those replies, it really has helped to know that this is fairly common.

Think I ought to get off his case about it, it must be driving him up the wall!

I will just have to wait! !

morningpaper Mon 25-Apr-05 21:01:50

We also didn't do the business for the whole 9 months, and I don't think we will this time either. However, we did other stuff which didn't involve him hanging out with the baby, as it were. Is that possible?

sansouci Mon 25-Apr-05 21:12:06

Yeah, there's lots of other stuff you can do... would he be up for it, pardon the pun?

Nat777 Mon 25-Apr-05 21:15:22

So far he has said nothing sexual feels right, I think it is in his head rather than a physical thing, if you know what I mean!

I have mentioned it quite a bit over the last few months, hence the arguements. So now I am thinking that for his sake maybe I should just leave it.

sansouci Mon 25-Apr-05 21:26:13

I think you should probably give it a rest then, as long as everything else is the same. Arguing about it certainly won't help. Maybe a nice cuddle? I totally went off sex after both births... it took well over a year before I could even think about enjoying sex. I just gritted my teeth & hoped it would be over quickly. Could you talk about it? Tell him it makes you feel insecure?

morningpaper Mon 25-Apr-05 21:27:39

Yes I reckon sansouci is right - just try to be as physical as possible i.e. cuddle up to him in bed etc. If he feels that badly it might be some time after the birth before he feels ok about sex again - dripping with milk is not v. sexy.

I'd recommend a convenient hand-held battery-operated substitute for you in the meantime!

lilsmum Mon 25-Apr-05 21:29:50

it was the other way round for dp and i, he wanted it i didnt, just made me cringe the thought of it while being pregnant (maybe it just me that weird!!)

Nat777 Mon 25-Apr-05 21:30:06

Yeah I have told him that it makes me feel insecure. He does reassure me and tells me he loves me and fancies me, it just doesnt feel right for him.

Your right though, we shouldnt argue about it as everything else is just fine.


weeboagie Mon 25-Apr-05 22:03:06

My DH was the same - it was a mental thing for him, not a physical attraction thing. I would respect his wishes - if it were the other way round I'm sure everyone would expect you to do the same for him. Just enjoy loads of cuddles.

HappyDaddy Tue 26-Apr-05 12:23:24

DW and I didn't have sex for the whole pg, but cos she was ill. I can see where he's coming from but he needs to find other ways to show his feelings and affection.

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