I met my partner 2 months after breaking up from a violent 5 year relationship. I was angry and bitter and had no self esteem. Although not physically attracted to my partner, he was a good listener and a kind person. I dont believe in love at first sight and thought it would grow. (That was what my parents relationship was like) After 1 and a half years,i got pregnant and he seemed really happy about that and so was I. I had an awful delivery (c section and blood tranfusion) for which I was offered counselling. I didnt take it as I wanted to forget and focus on the baby.
When ds was a week old we had an argument stemming from the fact that i'd asked for a hug and he was too tired to hug. i got cross (i was very tired and emotional). I went to feed the baby and he followed me to the nursery screaming 'i hate you, you've ruined my life'. The next incident was when ds was 6 months old, i went to stay with my mum for 5 days. She lives in the countryside which i love. I was really happy for the first time since ds was born. When my partner picked me up he kept saying the baby had changed and this couldn't happen again (me going away). The complaining continued all night and morning and i didnt rise to it but i did say that he hadnt changed much in just 5 days and to stop talking to me like he talked to his mother (Bit silly really as he is fine with her). I went downstairs, he followed me holding the baby and walked me up to the wall screaming,'i hate you, iam going to kill you'. When he went to work I left. He was very sorry, admitted he was trying to intimidate me, we have been trying to work things out, but when he is calm i do test him, by not accepting his apology and he tests me. Last time he said that he doesnt love me anymore, wishes he had never given me my son calls me a slag, says I cant do anything. But then when he is calm he says he didnt mean it,I'm not a slag and he did want our baby, its just because he was wound up. The last time this happened, it was in front of my poor ds.I called the police because I was scared, I couldnt leave as I was in my pyjamas, feeding the baby. I feel so bad for my ds, I'm so tired it is a struggle to do anything other than practical stuff (cook, change him etc). My partner is in and out the house, he is helping with housework and providing money, my mum is here till tues. I am dreading her going. My partner and I have agreed to go to Relate, for the sake of our son. I guess my question is this mumsnetters- Did anyone ever go through something like this and how did it turn out? Thanks.
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Relationships
Should we keep trying? (Long)
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alismummy · 24/04/2005 13:55
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