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I want out, what to do?

(7 Posts)
wantout Wed 20-Apr-05 13:54:37

Me and my man have been together for what seems like forever, since we were teenagers, we are best friends and have 2 beautiful children together, but I just don't want to be here anymore.

We have never really fully got it together, never got married, and spent a good few years living apart, I lived with our son, he went back to live with his parents. I was very happy like this, just being like boyfriend/girlfriend again, then we seperated for good for a while, the seperations are always my descision, I just feel claustrophobic with him around, we kind of got back together and I fell pregnant again and we've been back together properly since then, that is 2 years now, but I just want my own space again. How can I do this to him again? We are such good friends and I love raising our children together, I don't want our friendship to end, we are so close, yet we have a rubbish sex life, I have a high sex drive but it feels odd because I see him like a brother or something, it just feels strange to be like that with him. I just don't know what to do, I feel like I can't breathe here. I really want to just go...
Everyone tells me all the time how lucky I am to have such a great man but it makes me ill to be here. I feel so stuck, there are so many emotional and practical hurdles to overcome to get out of this, I need to get out...

Has anyone ever been though something like this?

Lucycat Wed 20-Apr-05 13:58:57

Sorry I haven't been there myself, but I have a friend who does and she's geeting through it slowly.

Does your dp suspect you feel like this? or does he just think that's what your relationship is like and accept it?
Hope someone else can help you.

Hermione1 Wed 20-Apr-05 13:59:42

Haven't been through that, but although this sounds silly, can you not sit him down and tell him how you feel?
You obviously aren't happy with things the way they are. Put yourself first.
HOpe you sort things out. sorry couldn't be more help.

QueenEagle Wed 20-Apr-05 14:03:32

Ask yourself this....If the sex was fantastic, would you still want to be in the relationship?

jazzysmum Wed 20-Apr-05 21:13:38

Hi, Im new to this website, but Im in the same position as you. I have been with my partner for 12 years and have a 2 yr old daughter with him. He is a controlling, lazy, nasty piece of work one minute and nice the next. its like living with jekyl and hyde. He's basically made me hate him by treating me in this way, and this started when my daughter was 6 months old. Ive got to the point where I too dont feel like going near him or anything. the thought makes me cringe. Everyone asks why im still with him, and if im honest its because i dont want to be on my own, and despite all this, i do have feelings for him, but the old him. not the person he is now. I am getting stronger now, as i have told him i dont want a sexual relationship with him anymore. we have been sleeping in seperate rooms since last september and to be honest, i dont miss him in that respect. Im not sure what i will do next, but im thinking along the lines of keeping the house as i woudlnt be able to afford my own place, but I have a feeling he'll never leave me alone. He'l always demand to know where Iam, and what im doing. Its just hard to think that someone you have been with for such a long time, can change in such a way that you really dont want to be with them anymore.

Hope you get things sorted and try and move on - easier said than done hey ?!

tangomum Thu 21-Apr-05 18:42:57

jazzymum, my experience mirrors yours but I have been married for 18 years. Last year I went for counselling and faced up to all that was wrong and thought about what I really wanted from life. Then I told H I wanted couples counselling. This was very good and totally changed husband's attitude and behaviour. However it was too far down the road for me to rekindle my love. I have just petitioned him for divorce. Feel very happy , despite all the scary implications. Go for counselling NOW before it is too late. Don't do what i did and waste allthose years unhappy and struggling. It might work for you but it will change things for the better either way. Sorry to sound bossy but i really wish i had done this years ago. Same for you Wantout. Good luck!

Kaz33 Thu 21-Apr-05 18:47:45

He sounds very passive - is he ?

Was the sex life good at any time ?

With a bit of communication sex is one of those things that can be fixed.

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