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Ridiculous row between me and dh - stems from the way he DANCES, ffs!!!(9 Posts)
Dh and I were haveing a lovely old time last night, watching the 100 best albums on ch4 and reminiscing about what each album meant to us. I wondered if Fat Boy Slim would be in there as that was the first record we danced to together. Out of the blue, dh announces that he knows I think he's a rubbish dancer, and furthermore, I made him feel like shit on new year's eve because I was up dancing all night and he felt left out!!
Quick background: dh isn't the most rhythmic dancer in the world, it has to be said but he enjoys it and so I have tried to bear this in mind when we dance and not comment on it. Earlier on in our relationship I did find it quite embarrassing but, shucks, the man has many other talents and is a fantastic dh and dad so I don't mind it at all nowadays. (that's big of me, isn't it? - I sound like a right patronising cow but I really don't mean to!)
At NY we went to a friend's house, there were 3 couples there and we've all known each other donkeys' years. After dinner we all started dancing, just piss-takey stuff, disco dancing, 'raving', etc. The others got bored/exhausted and sat out but I carried on and they were all clapping me and pissing themselves laughing. Later on some neighbours came round and I started dancing again with dh's best mate. There was no flirting at all, we were just being stupid, doing Kylie dancing and body-popping, basically making prats of ourselves andshowing off alarming. Everyone else was talking and watching us and laughing. The next day everyone said what a good laugh they'd had, including dh.
But now he tells me that he felt left out all night (even though I did dance with him at the start when everyone else joined in) and that I made him feel like shit. This put a total dampener on the evening last night so I went to bed on my own, feeling like I'd been a complete witch to dh on NYE, that I'd been showing off, trampling over his feelings, etc. But is he being childish or is this thing about him dancing made him feel insecure? I feel quite angry with him and we haven't spoken much at all. Now he's gone to work. He said he doesn't want to talk about it if it ends up being a row but I feel rubbish about what was a great night at NYE now. Does this mean I never have to dance again (like George Michael) in case I hurt his feelings? Am I being insensitive or does he need to get over himself?
Sorry to bring this up when so many other people have proper problems. Would appreciate views, esp from people with rubbish-dancing partners!
It's really hard for either of you (never mind anyone else) to really be clear what happened that many months ago, I'd think.
What is troubling is that he brings up something like this so long afterwards, and then doesn't want to talk about it! I'd try to get him to see that he needs to bring up problems as soon as possible, so you can understand, and talk it out. Bringing things up months later isn't at all helpful, it just makes trouble.
He needs to get over it - just dance like a moron in front of everyone!!! You're not stopping him from dancing... he's doing that!!
Dance and let him get on with it
Oooh I sound such a loving and caring person....
I'm a rubbish dancer, and it hasn't been a great part of my social life, unlike DP. So I can understand that your dp might feel self-conscious and a bit jealous of you, and is probably feeling sensitive about it. He was probably jealous of you dancing with his best mate, but (rightly!) too embarrassed to admit it!
Be nice, don't fret about it, give him a break, but don't let it inhibit you, either.
My God, if he had been that bothered about it, surely he would have mentioned it within less than 4 and a half months? Sounds like he is pi$$ed at you for something else, and wants to use emotional blackmail to make you feel bad!
when i go out with dp he knows it embaresses me when he dances but he enjoys it and him and his mate take the piss out of himself cos its just sooo bad.
My mum and dad have just started dancing lessons together. They are having a whale of a time (salsa etc.) Neither of them has ever been any good at dancing before. Maybe if it is a long standing issue and dancing is something you both enjoy, you should take him along to a class so that he could increase his skill and confidence.
I agree with you colditz. I think he's been feeling a bit put-upon recently. I've had a rough first few months with pregnancy and he's had to do the lion's share of everything round the house and I was a bit grumpy with him for a few things yesterday afternoon. But I did acknowledge this later and said sorry for it. And of course I'm usually so perfect, he's had to dredge into a 4 and a half month old situation to gripe about!
I have not read the full thread, sorry. But from your post I have the idea that he was annoyed not because you were dancing but because he felt excluded or ignored. I guess that if you had been doing exactly the same thing, be it dancing, singing or whatever activity, for such a long time AND where he (or the majority of the others) can't or won't join you, it is only natural to feel excluded or ignored.
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