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one of the most lonely days in my life....

(58 Posts)
israel Sun 17-Apr-05 09:05:37

...to cut a long story short I emigrated to australia...7 months ago....the country is lovely...but my relationship with my husband has gone from bad to worse....and Im feeling so alone and isolated.....
after trying for yrs to make it work...i realy thought a new begining and something we could work at together would help us.....but no.
....and to make things worse...his mother...who is awful...has booked a one way flight to follow us...I dont want her coming to us...but he has said yes....last night was the end....he said he would put her first....and it wasnt a contest....I have been sat in the park watching my son play and tears have just rolled down my face.....I want to get my self respect back and dont want to try any more...help

Potty1 Sun 17-Apr-05 09:20:05

Israel - sorry, don't really know what to say but didn't want you to feel so alone. I can't imagine how difficult this is for you especially living in a new country

flashingnose Sun 17-Apr-05 09:25:15

Oh israel . How horrible to feel like this so far from home. Where in Oz are you? Is there a lovely MNetter nearby?

serenity Sun 17-Apr-05 09:39:37

Where do your family live? Is there any way you and your DS could come home 'to visit' so you can get your head together and decide what you want to do long term?

ggglimpopo Sun 17-Apr-05 10:59:42

Message withdrawn

eidsvold Sun 17-Apr-05 11:10:48

Where are you Israel? I am in Brisbane. Sorry you have had such a bad time of it.

linnywith2 Sun 17-Apr-05 11:31:54

ah israel.. you poor thing, my heart goes out to you, you sound so lonely.. {{{{hugs}}}}
dont realy know what else to say to you..
maybe coming back home for holiday might help you sort tings out for yourself and you'd see things clearer.. pick up the phone and call someone family or friends..
sorry probably no much help to you

Lethal Sun 17-Apr-05 11:33:38

Israel I'm in Brisbane too. Whereabouts do you live? If by any chance you live in this area, perhaps Eidsvold & I could help out somehow...?

Just a thought. Sorry to hear you're feeling so low. x

israel Sun 17-Apr-05 13:12:44

I am living in perth...thank you for your replies...i just feel very, very alone....all his family...apart from his mother are here....she will be here in June...all my family are in the uk...i have phoned friends in the uk...it will cost a fortune....they all have offered for my son..self and daughter to be payed for to return....they know what i have gone through over the years with this relationship...he is a person who shows NO emotions...who plans nothing ...does not smile or interact with anyone...your probably wonering why i married him...at the time i loved him...but he has sapped me of my self...of my esteem...of my worth...for years i have tried to make it work...but i am spent...and now feel i want to hurt him as much as he has hurt me....to be honest...I can visualise...really..physically hurting him.
But this evening...he has left...where who knows...but its his way of control.

kelli22 Sun 17-Apr-05 20:03:08

Id be booked on a flight before he got home, i know that might not be something you would want to do but thats definatly what i would do, i can't see any reason to stay. in the Uk you have friends and family- people that care about you and love you - that show you emotion they would gladly want you here, yet you choose to stay somewhere and be alone, i just don't get it?
as for your ds - happy mum happy child, he'll be happy anywhere as long as he's with you and your happy. no child likes to see their mum upset.
to them your the most important person in the world - i only wish you felt that way about yourself that would give you the strength to pack your bags and give dh the shock of his life.
he has obviously sapped you of your strength - if you leave it will give you time to regain some self worth and then you can decide with a clear head if you really want to be with this man or not. if you do want to you can always go back to him and by then you will have the strength to do it on your own terms- if you stay it will always be on his terms as you sound as though you are too weak to fight him right now.
let us kow how you get on x be brave

bubbly1973 Sun 17-Apr-05 22:41:49

kelli, what good advice you have given

israel, i hope you can find the strength to leave him, he is obviously not making you happy, and you have tried to make it work to the point that you were prepared to give up your family and life in the uk to move to austrailia where his family all are.

your ds doesnt need your dh as a role model, ds will flourish far better if you are happy and around happy people, not someone who shows no emotions

be strong, remember the person you were before you met dh

if he is the sort to try to stop you or make it impossible for you to leave him, it may be best to make out that you are taking a holiday to visit family in the uk then deciding what to do

good luck, and i hope you meet some people there that you can talk to, even if its friendly banter, anything to stop you feeling so lonely

xx

israel Mon 18-Apr-05 00:36:16

I understand what your all saying and intended to take up my friends offers...to leave...but my husband left last night himself...has been out all night...I patrolled the streets trying to trace him...not slep all night....and it turns out he has taken my sons passport and his own....Im terrified at the pospect of him taking him...when i cant be around....so will put a stop on the passport....also informed the police...who only said i could file a missing persons report this morning....what an awful can of worms...just drained

suzywong Mon 18-Apr-05 01:53:09

OH Israel, sorry to hear things aren't working out
If you would like to please don't hesitate to contact me, I'm not really that far down south and I'm a good listener

bubbly1973 Mon 18-Apr-05 08:15:23

oh no israel

is your passport in a safe place?
i dont think he would have gone anywhere, as all his family are up there, what do you think?

does he have family else where in the world?

does it appear he has taken a few essentials for ds?
please keep us posted and be strong, this is awful but you need to keep a strong head with you to sort this out

thinking of you
xxx

starshaker Mon 18-Apr-05 08:17:08

sorry think i may have missed something but has he taken ds or just ds's passport

bubbly1973 Mon 18-Apr-05 08:35:48

oops, sorry, i think i may have misread it, re-reading it, i seems her dh has taken the passports not there ds

sorry

israel Mon 18-Apr-05 22:33:04

police and I still desperate for any news....Ive had to give statements and pictures for identification....this is now the 2nd night....away...no contact...none with work colleagues...family etc...no money gone from our joint account...no indication as to where he may be....just dreadful the waiting...wanting to know he is safe.....He has never done anything like this before.....and why has he taken his and his sons passports?....just shell shocked....suzywong...thanks...but just need to keep the phonelines open in hope

bubbly1973 Mon 18-Apr-05 23:07:00

israel, where is your ds at the moment?

pindy Tue 19-Apr-05 07:09:52

Thinking of you israel. Did he go off in the car? Maybe he has just driven somewhere out of the way to think things through and will return when he is ready. Not atall fair on you but he must be troubled aswell.

Hope you have some good news soon, keep strong.

israel Tue 19-Apr-05 09:28:30

this is now the 3rd day...still no contact...but some good news...indications on the bank statement show a withdrawl from him...in a small town along the west coast north of here...wether or not he is driving through or stopped for petrol...we dont know...but at least it shows to me...he didnt just dive somewhere and do something stupid....the police are patrolling the area we know he visited...but he could have moved on....
I just feel so...so shattered and such mixed emotions...i want him to be safe...but I wouldnt have put a dog through the pain he has put us through...and for how long...this could be forever....
you ask me where my son is...both my children are with me...we are just about coping...being so far from family and friends...and i am terrified to let them out of my sight...for 3 days i have not slept or eaten...I have had close family die before and that has been painful...but this is just a living hell

bubbly1973 Tue 19-Apr-05 12:51:58

israel...what do you think is the reason why dh has up'ed and left all of a sudden like this?

did you have a massive row...was it because you had a row with him about his mother moving in?

do you think he has suspicions that you may leave him and this is hiw way of punishing you?

if this is his way to punish you, then im afraid he is succeeding isnt he

it could possibly be that he has done this so that you stop and think about how much you need him, realising that you love him and you go back to square one...so from being strong enough to think you wont put up with this behaviour you turn into a petrified person?

keep us posted, and be strong!!

israel Tue 19-Apr-05 20:37:24

yes I do think he is punishing me...and has taken my sons passport so I cant just skip the country....
I am beside myself with grief...like i have NEVER felt before...a mixture of guilt...anger....worry ...frustration...but most of all sheer grief....and its the not knowing...not knowing when...if.... he will turn up again......trying to hold it together for my children....and slowely loosing it....this strain is tremendous.
He left after an argument....and the final straw was his mother....he had said that if it came down to it and he had to choose...her or the family....then he would choose her....I was so shocked....put simply...he wants his mother living with us....and I dont....and because of this and arguments about how I feel he treats us as a family unit...he has gone

israel Tue 19-Apr-05 20:45:57

please....if there is someone who feels they could talk...please

UnconditionalLove Tue 19-Apr-05 20:47:03

Israel i am so sorry about what you are going through i am here to talk if you want to. Have you still heard nothing?

debs26 Tue 19-Apr-05 20:47:39

hi israel, probably dont have anything to say that will help but am here if you want a chat. sounds like you are going thru hell

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