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Mid- life changes

5 replies

unavailable · 26/02/2009 23:35

My Dp and I have lived for about 12 years in London suburbs . It was never where we wanted to be longterm, but schooling, jobs, practicality etc took precident. We always talked about moving to the country.

DS (only child) is now at university and living away from home and Dp has been actively looking for jobs in the areas we are interested in.

It is now becoming very real. Dp will have to give an answer about a job in Yorkshire by the middle of next week. He says it is my call ( I know he would go like a shot). I am suddenly full of doubt.

I have a job here(not hugely satisfying, but quite well paid but similar up north would pay substantially less)and moving up north will put many more miles between me and my aging parents and my son. I also feel guilty that if we move, DS wont have a recognised "home" to come home to during holidays.

Of course I knew all this before, but now our "dream" is become a reality I am having doubts. I will need to work if we are not going to struggle financially, and I suddenly feel that Yorkshire is very far away from those I know and care about.

Does anyone have any experience of making a similar move at a similar stage in their lives?

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unavailable · 26/02/2009 23:37

Sorry, I think I have posted in the wrong section, but not sure where it should be!

OP posts:

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cory · 27/02/2009 07:52

No personal experience, but my ILs moved out of London to Kent at about this stage in dh's life. I don't think it's caused him any major traumas, more a relief that his parents were comfortable so that he didn't have to worry about them. I think this needs to be about you rather than your son; he is an adult and has his own way to make.

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BonsoirAnna · 27/02/2009 08:08

I agree that going from the London suburbs to Yorkshire is a massive move, especially if your parents and son are going to be in the South of England.

Can you not move somewhere a bit closer? Parts of Kent and Sussex are just lovely.

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boudoiricca · 27/02/2009 08:23

My parents moved from the house we had grown up in, in a small village in the North, to the South (for work) whilst my db and I were at Uni. My mother (bless her) is still convinced that she has scarred us for life by uprooting us. This is despite the fact that we have both told her repeatedly that it matters not a jot to either of us. We both live in the South now anyway and had no intention of moving back to that area after Uni. The majority of our friends have also moved away.

I think the point I'm trying to make, is that you need to focus here on you and what you really want. If your ds has just left home you are entering a new phase in your life and you should take some time to think about how you want your future to be...

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unavailable · 27/02/2009 10:54

Thanks for your replies. I know this needs to be about dp and me, not ds - and he says he is fine with it.

I am generally quite indecisive anyway, but this is a biggy. I know it is normal to have doubts/ feel a bit scared about a big move, but i am really torn. Part of me says go for it whilst the opportunity is there and dont be such a wuss. My next thought is that we are ok where we are and what if it all goes wrong...