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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Feel foolish moaning about this...

32 replies

HappyDaddy · 11/04/2005 20:28

... because it's so minor but I'm going to anyway. I'd like to know what you guys think.
My dw works while I'm a sahd. She works hard and has had a really shitty time of it, recently. She had some very good news at work today, so I was a bit surprised that she seemed off with me when she came home. I've done the things, today, that you guys do with no complaints. Cleaned the kitchen, that was like a bombsite, tidied the living room, did all the washing and dried it, too. I also managed to cook dinner and look for jobs for dw on the net.
There were two things i didn't do, though. I forgot to ring Sky after they sent a letter this morning and I also forgot to give our teething dd her calpol at lunchtime. Our dd hardly ever cries, whinges or moans except when tired but dw had a moan that how could i forget to give her calpol. Since dinner, she has mentioned it twice more, not directly to me but to dd as in, "daddy's useless isn't he? it's a good job i'm not going on strike or you wouldn't be looked after at all, would you?".
Now that I've written it down it sounds as if I'm brooding over nothing. Sorry.

OP posts:

Report

BubblesDeVere · 11/04/2005 20:31

To me she sounds one of two things,

A) She is very very tired both mentally and physically at work

B)There is something praying on her mind

Sit her down with a glass of wine and have a chat to her.

Hope everything works out soon.

Janos · 11/04/2005 20:34

Well..if my DP came home and started criticising my care of our DS in whatever way I would be annoyed too.

When my DP does this he's usually annoyed about something else and is just sniping at the nearest target (I'm guilty of doing this as well mind you!) Might it be this?

BTW sounds like you do more than me round the house too

LGJ · 11/04/2005 20:35

Sound like me with PMT, for a week before hand I am the most unreasonable person, is she due ??

I can actually hear myself being horrible and have to rein myself in.

Blackduck · 11/04/2005 20:35

HD my dp is not quite a SAHD, but nearly (he works p-t) - I know that sometimes when I'm peed off he can do almost everything, but I'll find the one thing he didn't do and bitch about it....more a case of being fed up and feeling the other person has the better deal.....try the glass of wine and the chat

BubblesDeVere · 11/04/2005 20:36

Never thought of what LGJ mentioned, i can argue that black is white when i have pmt and i'm in such a foul temper dh warns my mates not to come round.

Blackduck · 11/04/2005 20:37

Oh yes - pmt - you are ALWAYS in the wrong...

HappyDaddy · 11/04/2005 20:40

Actually she is due next week and is a total nightmare the week before. I always forget, too.

I also spent the day trying to update my own CV as I need to find some work from home.

Janos, only today!

OP posts:

Janos · 11/04/2005 20:50

Hmm, it could well be PMT. I'm really vile beforehand too

My DS is also teething (5 months) but he's not too bad - just a bit grumpy.

WestCountryLass · 11/04/2005 21:13

Just don't mention PMT to her or you will really be in for it

HappyDaddy · 11/04/2005 21:18

Now she's having a go about the type of work I'm looking for. This evening is going so well.

OP posts:

LGJ · 11/04/2005 21:21

Why don't you just rear up and ask for a full and frank discussion.

Tell her you can cope with valid criticism, but sniping makes you feel undermined.

Come to think of it, does the MN and the community vibe that we have on here make her feel insecure ??

secretregular · 11/04/2005 21:23

I was just thinking the same thing. does she like that you are on here so much?

HappyDaddy · 11/04/2005 21:28

Nah, she couldn't give a toss about MN. Is happy that I'm getting parenting tips.

I think she's just finding things to moan about, she's becoming more and more unhappy about having to work and leave dd at home.

OP posts:

WideWebWitch · 11/04/2005 21:32

It's not about the Calpol imo, it's about shitty work and other stuff. Maybe she's missing dd? Or she feels envious of you for a moment perhaps. Sorry, no advice though other than asking her what's on her mind and being calm and tolerant while she rants. Always worked for me anyway when I was a WOHM and dp was a SAHD. Good luck.

sallystrawberry · 11/04/2005 21:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HappyDaddy · 11/04/2005 21:35

The funny thing is, she was told today that she can move departments into an area she's been after for ages. Should be a happy day, right?

OP posts:

sallystrawberry · 11/04/2005 21:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WideWebWitch · 11/04/2005 21:37

Remember it's not always about what it appears to be about. I have been grossly unreasonable with my lovely dp and had huge goes at him about thing A when really it's things B, C and D that are pissing me off. Sometimes I really think it's thing A too and will even argue about it!

WideWebWitch · 11/04/2005 21:39

Oh and if you're looking for jobs for her, DON'T unless you fully understand her field. My dp did this for me once and it made me feel a) under pressure since I hadn't asked him to look and b) irritated since the jobs he'd shortlisted demonstrated that he had no idea what I did. I viewed it as a Waste of His Time when he could have been doing useful things!

morningpaper · 11/04/2005 21:40

"Daddy's useless isn't he?" is a VERY bad thing to say IMO. I would be REALLY annoyed if DP said that about me at the end of the day.

HappyDaddy · 11/04/2005 21:42

www she asked me to look for jobs for her, as she is restricted in internet access at work, and also because she thinks i understand her job better than she does. I've been in the same field longer than her. I just collect ones I feel are appropriate and she looks at them later.

OP posts:

WideWebWitch · 11/04/2005 21:49

I do agree with mp, saying 'daddy's useless' is really, really, not on. I wouldn't have said that to dp and he wouldn't have tolerated it. OK, sorry, just wondered on the job front but if you know her area and she asked you, well, she shouldn't be cross about that then.

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HappyDaddy · 11/04/2005 21:55

she isn't cross about the job thing, i just added it to my heroic list of tasks for today! thanks, though, www.

I wasn't happy about the "daddy's useless" bit as she'd go ape if i did the same.

OP posts:

WideWebWitch · 11/04/2005 21:56

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh, I see! Durr! That'll teach me to skim read posts hey?

secretregular · 11/04/2005 21:58

defo just had a shit day then and you're the nearest thing. have done this many a time to mr secret I'm afraid.

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