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had to physically restrain friends partner from beating her, its brought it all back.

(21 Posts)
fattiemumma Mon 09-Feb-09 12:36:57

my friend and her partner have had a rocky relationship for some time now. they have been arguing and threatening to split for months.

they have recently started getting anonnymous texts both to her and her partner saying that she has been cheating, its all false but obviously this has added to the stress the relationship was already under.

I have tried being the voice of reason to both of them as i consider them both to be friends. i suggested that they take some time apart and just sort out what it is they want from the relationship.

they agreed over the weekend that he would move out on Sunday.
sunday comes and he seem's to be making no effort to sort his things and so friend says something like "when are you going to start packing?"

a huge row erupts. after lord knows how long my friend calls me in tears, he is blaming me for teh anonnymous texts ( i know he doesn't believe it to be me deep down but he is angry and upset) whilst on the phone i can hear them both screaming and shouting at each other. then she mentions that her DD is still in teh house as he has refused to take her to his mothers for a while. i offer to come and collect her as it is unfair to make her witness such an explosive argument.

I call over and they are stills creaming and shouting. I manage to convince him to take DD to her grans.
I wait for him to return to try and calm them both down enough to speak to each other. individually they could be calmed but as soon as they were together they just exploded into rage again.

next thing i know they areboth upstairs and i hear a crash and bang. i run up to see whats happend and my friend is laying holding her face on the floor. He is sat beside her claiming she punched him.

I tell him to just go as they clearly can't sort anything out like this. i try and usher him downstairs but then he just turns and starts trying to kick at her. i grab him and get between them ( thankfully i am huge and he is physically much smaller than me) but it took every ounce of muscle in my body to stop him from literally stamping on her.
even with me restraining him he continued trying to get at her for a good couple of minutes.

it honestly looked like a scene frm a saturday night drunken brawl. it was awful.

he then left.

I tried to stay strong for the sake of my friend but i was so shaken.
Its been 4 years since i left my ex and i thought i was over it all, but its really bought it all back to me.
i was just glad NM was here when i got back.

Iwould never ever have considered him to be aviolent. i think im just as in shock as my ffriend tbh.

fattiemumma Mon 09-Feb-09 12:50:57

whats worse is that for teh first time i got to experience the violence from an outsiders PoV. it showed me just what my son must have gone through every day.

it makes me feel sick.

RealityIsMyOnlyValentine Mon 09-Feb-09 12:55:37

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RealityIsMyOnlyValentine Mon 09-Feb-09 12:57:00

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fattiemumma Mon 09-Feb-09 13:02:25

she admited afterwards that he had hit her before but not for abotu 4/5 years.

she is on her own but she has another of our friends who lives in the very next road so can be there in seconds.
I dropped her at the council this morning to arrnage for his name to be removed from the rent book etc.

she doesn't want to go down the restraining order route as she wants to try and remain as amicable as she can for the sake of the children.

As i say, its more a case of being the third party to it all and realising just how scared my Ds must have been witnessing it as a child. sad

RealityIsMyOnlyValentine Mon 09-Feb-09 13:09:00

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fattiemumma Mon 09-Feb-09 13:17:44

thank you reality. that does help a bit.

just goes to show how well we can hide what happens behind closed doors. i had no idea, and would never have thought him capable of such aggression. sad

LadyOfWaffle Mon 09-Feb-09 13:33:23

Reality says it better than I could, I hope you are ok. x

ThePgHedgeWitchIsCrankyBeware Mon 09-Feb-09 13:39:40

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fattiemumma Mon 09-Feb-09 13:45:16

thank you both.
i have been feeling rather invisible on here of late and you have made me feel all loved again.

it was just something i thought i wouldn't have to face again.
Im glad i was able to help in some small way though, i hate to think what state she would be in if i werent there.

Im just stunned that not only would he do that but whilst i was there as well. thank god he had taken DD out first,.

fattiemumma Mon 09-Feb-09 16:50:38

just been to my parents house and told them what had happened.
according to my mum "she deserved it for carrying on behind his back"

(she has had an affair but he doesn't know anything about this)

now my parents are very well aware of my own history and do know that my ex would beat me up daily.

i just got up and left. i just don't have the strength to argue

ThePgHedgeWitchIsCrankyBeware Mon 09-Feb-09 18:18:00

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pooka Mon 09-Feb-09 18:27:12

"deserved it" hmm

I don't think so.

Suprised you're feeling invisible on MN - think you're pretty high profile actually wink

Sorry you feel so shocked. I would have been totally freaked out if a couple I know were arguing like that, let alone dv being involved, and I have no "history" to flash back to.

macdoodle Mon 09-Feb-09 18:59:29

well done
umm just looked at your profile - if that is you, you are absolutely gorgeous not huge at all and boy what a stunning pair of bosoms grin

pooka Mon 09-Feb-09 19:07:14

Fattiemumma always says she is huge. wink

I think she's gorgeous.

fattiemumma Mon 09-Feb-09 19:08:32

well don't i just love the two of you! grin blush

no really i am huge though. im 6'1 and a size 24.!!!

macdoodle Mon 09-Feb-09 19:10:47

Well I am 5ft2 and a size 18 reckon we would look like little and large With boobs like those cant imagine a man would be looking at anything else Beautiful !!

Lizzylou Mon 09-Feb-09 19:20:09

Oh gosh, how awful.
Of course no one deserves to be hit, no matter what they've done.

And Fattiemumma please change your MN name, you are gorgeous, truly. YOur friend is lucky to have a friend like you

kiltycoldbum Mon 09-Feb-09 19:29:38

omg change your name you are a proper flippin gorgeous woman if you dont mind my saying so, obviously i had to look at your profile after reading everyones comments and they be right! smile

im really sorry you had to witness what you did but at the same time your friend is very lucky to have had you there, without you who knows what may have happened, it probably also means that you have given her the strength to deal with it as had she been alone, he'd probably have tried to worm his away around it the following day and she would have been to afraid and confused to have done anything.

fattiemumma Mon 09-Feb-09 19:55:57

well she has had his name removed from the rent book and has spoken to the jobcentre about claiming benefits etc.
she is taking all the right tsteps in order to actually make the break.

don't get me wrong i agree thats he was wrong to have cheated but i really don't belive that there is ever an excuse for the level of violence he would have used.

my back is still killing me today!

thank you everyone for the rather lovely comments. i shall be returning to my usual posting name soon enough. just allowing things to calm down a bit first...and i couldn't flounce as i haven't the will power.

Lizzylou Mon 09-Feb-09 20:44:13

Aah, just realised "who" you are

You are such a babe, honestly, completely gorgeous.

Sorry that all of this has brought bad memories back to you, I am sure that your DS would not be able to either remember/realise what was really going on.

You have been a really good mate to your friend.

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