We are still not on equal terms, although I am assured by friends that I "have it good"!
What decides me is not the amount of housework actually done, but the time spent thinking about it.
I have to nag. Have you picked your clothes up, did you rinse the bath, did you feed the cat today, have you given ds his medicine, did you get some milk, have you cleaned the table after tea, please can you pick up the living room before I get home from work, please don't forget, don't forget, don't forget.....
The list is endless. These are all things I do automatically, but dp has to be constantly reminded or he simply doesn't do anything.
So I think the mark of an equal household is not how much is done, because in these days of shifts, part time work and nurseries, it's quite hard to calculate what is a fair division of housework and childcare. I think it is more to do with how much is organized by each partner.
There was a good article about this subject in today's Guardian Weekend.
It made me think of something else - I have never ever thought that DP 'helps out' and whenever I hear that expression I cringe. Helps out?! The expression betrays an awful truth in some relationships.
Pruni: good point, I made a real effort in the early days to avoid being a 'gatekeeper' for childcare tasks. I read a book about it when I was pg and it made me REALLY conscious of what I was saying. I think that new mothers can start things very badly by taking on childcare roles without thinking about what they are going.