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Brother smashed a window in Mum's house in drunken rage

(6 Posts)
AbsolutelyFurious Thu 07-Apr-05 18:06:45

I am just so furious. My DB, who is a 29 year old teenager, smashed an original Victorian stained-glass window in my Mum's house last night. He lives with her on and off, because he can't afford to get his own place. Some of the time he's a student, other times he's on the dole, other times he's working in the pub across the road from her.

I've been getting increasingly concerned about his drinking for about five years as it became clear that it's not just the usual phase young people go through of drinking too much and then growing up, he has failed (so far) to establish a career for himself, he has dropped out of 2 university courses and he is basically a bit of a wastrel. My Mum is an Irish martyr, she occasionally rings up to say "he's so drunk and he's smashing the place up" to which I will say "well call the police then". She's basically repeating a pattern of behaviour which she lived with my father (who is now dead).

My DB is in complete denial about his alcoholism and I know that there is nothing I can do about it until he recognises it himself. I told my DM that if she phoned the police and got him arrested, he would have to recognise that he has a problem; but of course, she's worried about what the neighbours will think (the story of her bloody life).

I don't really think there's a lot I can do, or whether anyone's got any advice, but I just feel the need to rant!

cod Thu 07-Apr-05 18:12:27

Message withdrawn

Fio2 Thu 07-Apr-05 18:16:07

does he drink all day?

why did he smash the window? did he lock himself out? or was it in temper?

unicorn Thu 07-Apr-05 18:18:54


Is my first thought- for you and or your dm.

Really sorry to hear this - must be awful for you ..but perhaps that organisation may be of help?

Njata Thu 07-Apr-05 18:30:55

May I ask, if he has no income to speak of - how does he manage to drink all day (must add up to a heck of a lot more than dole money/pub wages?) If his mum is giving him subs, could you persuade her to stop this? Cutting off his supply? Maybe coupled with a demand for board money from his dole or little pub earnings? At 29, he really needs to grow up and take responsibility for himself. Your mum isnt helping by allowing him to remain a child - Easier said than done - I know - I have 2 little boys myself and will probably always think of them as babies!!!! Its hard to give them that little push, but they need it and it really is a case of cruel to be kind!

AbsolutelyFurious Thu 07-Apr-05 18:55:36

He doesn't normally drink all day, but yesterday he obviously did. He's not a chronic, all the time drinker, he's what the Victorians would have called a dypsomaniac, in that he will go for weeks without drinking, doing yoga, being into a healthy lifestyle, concentrating on his studies etc., and then suddenly he will have six weeks of drinking heavily - not necessarily all day every day, but in the evenings (and maybe afternoons if they're free) maybe four or five times a week.

I never considered al-anon in relation to my brother. I just feel that I'm not that affected by his behaviour, as I don't live with him and when I see him he's sober. But perhaps I do need to speak to someone about him.

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