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no sex!

(12 Posts)
starsfromheaven Sun 01-Feb-09 00:16:16

angry hi there, sorry to moan .feel so pants my husband has gone off me. feel so rejected. no sex for a month.
had to have the coil removed as made me septic nearly died!lived to tell the tale!not allowed the combined pill plays havoc with my depression just come off the mini pill made me moody and tired.He does not want to use condoms but will not go for a vasectomy and he says two kids are enough and he wants no more,so no sex!why should i have to suffer and mess around with contraception?i would only get sterilised if i was to have another child and another c section which he says no to, otherwise why should i he should take responibility for a change.The whole thing is driving me mad!
sex has always been on his terms when he wants it which is never at the moment!also feel he never realley listens to me and with the lack of sex i feel even worse . dont know what to do.hate rejection all the time

N1 Sun 01-Feb-09 01:04:57

Geeee. I can understand the "no condoms" bit. While I am the sort of person who would reject sex if I had to use a condom, in a relationship, I think I would find it hard to not have sex for a month.

Thinking back quiet a few years. There was a product which applied spermicide. You put the gel or pill in you (sorry to be graphic) some 10 minutes before sex and the sperm dies. It's not a romantic thought - accepted, but the application might help matters move on slightly.

Another idea is some gel with an IUD. This is more yukky than the spermicide.

Both the points I mentioned are not 100% effective.

If I were in a relationship and I was asked to have the snip, I would be holding my hands up in protest. Just the thought makes me cringe.

Personally, I would feel a bit worried if sex was only on his terms - all the time. If he can be like that for sex then it's likely that he is like that in other parts of the relationship and home situation.

Depression, rejection and hormones (the pill) just don't mix very well.

I am sorry that I can't offer anything better.

BitOfFun Sun 01-Feb-09 01:34:21

I don't really understand what you are asking? Have you thoought about injections or implants? Or a diaphram or sponge? Or persona?

Is this a relationship issue or a contraceptive issue?

N1 Sun 01-Feb-09 04:22:53

Will sex cure a low libido?

starsfromheaven Sun 01-Feb-09 20:21:20

hi N1 thank you for your honesty and help.Your right it goes deeper than just the sex he is very controlling about things and i feel like im the thing that just lives in the house and keeps house and children.
I just wish he would take notice of me or just even give me a cuddle.Sorry to moan just feel very low cant go on like this have to snap out of the way i feel for the kids sake

N1 Mon 02-Feb-09 00:33:27

Remove sex from a relationship, then add money problems, I think the relationship is on a course for a disaster and truly committed people manage to survive.

Rather moan on here than to someone who would give you a cold shoulder, it's better to moan on here. one way or another, the expression gets out. I can't guarantee an answer, but someone might have a suggestion that might make a diffrence. obviously the more info you give, the easier it is to identify a problem or more specific problem.

When you want a person to take notice of something (I am implying you but using the principal in general), you want to make that something desirable and attractive. You want to make that something - something special and unique.

There are ways to dress "somethings" up. A surprise can be dressed as a gift as in present.

A something might have a value, so you put it in a safe place and use it when you know it's not going to go missing or get broken.

I am sure there are other examples that can be mentioned, but the concept stays the same.

If a something is always there and getting in the way, do you really want it? No, it keeps getting moved to one side or another place.

While I was reading your post, I was thinking about when you and he first met. If you cast yourself back to that time and think about how the man saw you. Perhaps he saw you as young, innocent and you were wanting to run after him all the time. Perhaps you were keen to please him? In any event, the man remembers you in one way and thinks you will stay that way. People change. A man who doesn't change that easily tends to be much slower to change, so the steps need to be smaller.

Keep in mind that if you want to change one thing in a person, those changes tend to change other things as well. You might get the person to act more caring but if the new caring feelings feel artificial, do you want those artificial feelings or presentations?

Sometimes it's easier to find ways to work with what you have and look for ways to minimize what you don't like.

At the moment you are at a disadvantage. Your options are not good at all because any change you apply is permanent and very uncomfortable for you. If you did move away from the man, would you want the permanent changes? The changes you feel you can do something about don't justify remaining in the relationship (in my mind). There is more than just the sex issue. Are the other issues going to "go away" if you apply the changes you don't really want to apply? this should be your question

solidgoldbullet4myvalentine Mon 02-Feb-09 00:49:17

He doesn't sound like someone I would want to have sex with in the first place. He sounds selfish, rude and sexist and I would not be surprised if there are not more problems than sex in your relationship. He's not your boss or your owner: why feel you have to obey him or have sex with him when it's 'only on his terms'?

expatinscotland Mon 02-Feb-09 00:56:44

i agree with solidgold here.

expatinscotland Mon 02-Feb-09 00:56:45

i agree with solidgold here.

N1 Mon 02-Feb-09 01:06:03

A few opinions and not much practical suggestion.

solidgoldbullet4myvalentine Mon 02-Feb-09 01:15:03

Well N1 I imagine your pracitcal suggestions would be along the lines of 'Do what he says, let him have as much sex on your body as he wants, spend every minute of the day doing housework, eat shit and smile'.
Do you ever wonder why you're single?

expatinscotland Mon 02-Feb-09 01:25:02

Erm, fuck she has a point that solidgold.

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