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Am irritable and snappy - reassure me!

(14 Posts)
RockinSockBunnies Sun 25-Jan-09 14:23:08

So, I went on a date Friday evening with someone I met online. I'm a lone parent btw. We had a few drinks, then went for dinner. I felt we got on well - conversation flowed easily. We stayed out eating, drinking and talking until midnight, then he walked me to the bus stop (we're in London so normal to get bus home), told me to text when I arrived home. We kissed briefly, then bus arrived and off I went.

I sent him one when I arrived, saying I was home and thanking him for a lovely evening. He replied saying similar things, as well as adding that he looked forward to seeing me again soon.

But I haven't heard a thing from him. I appreciate it's only two days, but I also logged on to the dating site to show a picture of him to a friend, to see that he's been logging on regularly over the weekend.

I guess there's no reason he shouldn't do so, but it feels a bit like a kick in the teeth. I know I'm being neurotic and paranoid and that's half the reason I avoid dating - I just can't deal with the uncertainty. I'd rather be single and secure, than worrying if someone likes me and is going to call or not.

So, anyone want to reassure me? If someone takes you to dinner, pays for it all, kisses you at the end and says they look forward to seeing you again, do they mean it? Why has he not sent a text? sad

I appreciate I'm whining and irrational - but sometimes dating really sucks!

missingtheaction Sun 25-Jan-09 14:27:03

Who knows what he's thinking?

Contact him - say you had a lovely time and would like to see him again, how about (suggest date and location) and see what happens? Why wait for him?

RockinSockBunnies Sun 25-Jan-09 14:30:56

It's a good suggestion - but I've vowed (as a New Year's Resolution) never again to ask a guy out and always to wait for them to make the first move (or the subsequent one).

I guess it's a 'once bitten, twice shy' approach, but it's always gone wrong in the past and I'm no longer prepared to do any kind of chasing. Plus, I want someone to want to contact me, pursue me etc, in an alpha male kind of way.

SheWillBeLoved Sun 25-Jan-09 14:38:07

He's probably thinking the exact same thing you are.

Just contact him. No sense in sitting around wondering when or if he is going to call. A good thing could be passing you by. I understand it's nice to feel pursued, but it can also feel just as nice to pursue. It's always down to blokes to do the chasing, i'm sure he'll welcome a role reversal with open arms.

PlumBumMum Sun 25-Jan-09 14:39:56

Maybe he was logging on to see if you had been logging on?

aseriouslyblondemoment Sun 25-Jan-09 14:45:13

RSB there could be a variety of reasons why
he could be playing it cool?
he could be keeping his options open?
he could merely just be chatting and not actually looking?
he might be just catching up on his winks/messages?
are you making sure that you are not letting him know that you have been checking up on him?if not do
he can also see that you have been on site too rememberblush
resist all thoughts to text
Grrr bloody men eh!!

RockinSockBunnies Sun 25-Jan-09 14:49:25

Aseriouslyblondemoment - I know! I've been trying to figure out a way to be invisible on the site so he can't see if I've logged on or not, but my efforts have not paid off blush

The thing is, as I left on Friday night, I felt really confident and totally sure that he would be in touch. It's just now, in the cold light of day, I wonder if this optimism was misplaced.

Also, I'm not sure how much I necessarily 'fancy' him. I mean, we got on very well etc, but I think it's more my pride/ego that's suffering.

I'd like to turn my phone completely off, but unfortunately my mother's travelling today so would panic if I didn't reply to her texts!

theresonlyme Sun 25-Jan-09 14:52:39

So you contact him again giving a day when you are free and would he like to meet up and do xyz. Please let me know by so and so day/time so you can make other arrangements if he is busy/doesn't fancy it/doesn't want to see you again.

He doesn't reply, he is an idiot but you know where you stand. Or

you wait for him and have to decide how long to wait.

mumoverseas Sun 25-Jan-09 14:54:27

Its only Sunday and don't forget that men are different to us when it comes to things like texting. I read somewhere once that when men receive a text, they don't always look at it straight away and deal with it later whereas us women usually check it and reply straight away. Maybe he is the same about texting and didn't feel he had to do it straight away.
OR, maybe HE is playing it cool too? Maybe he has been burnt before and doesn't want to come across too keen?
Why not make a decision if you haven't heard from him by the end of today/tomorrow am you text him, say again what a nice time you had and say you hope he had a nice weekend. You don't have to ask him out, you can just start the conversation going again and put the ball in his court

aseriouslyblondemoment Sun 25-Jan-09 14:58:59

isn't there an option to use where you can let person know that you have viewed them or not?
that way he can only think that you have been on catching up with winks/messages
if you feel that you really have to you could just send him a wink with the 'hi how are you?'thing
that is being friendly but not desperate IMO

BigRow Sun 25-Jan-09 15:15:26

Wait for him to make the first move, whenever I've been brave and texted or called it's always ended in tears.

RockinSockBunnies Sun 25-Jan-09 16:42:41

It's not a mainstream dating website but one affiliated with my own university, so it's limited in what kind of functions are available - so there's no winking or things!

aseriouslyblondemoment Sun 25-Jan-09 16:53:32

that's a shame as that would have been a possible option
i would strongly advise waiting and seeing thou
please do not text him again
and yes know its all crap been there,got the tshirt lol!

warthog Sun 25-Jan-09 17:41:26

maybe i'm in the minority here but -

you've only been on ONE date?!

of course he's going to keep his options open. it's not reasonable to expect someone to go on a date and then remove themselves henceforth from the dating scene. far too early!

i'd suggest giving it a few days. no-one likes desperation. nearer the weekend, text him and ask him out fri / sat. then DO NOT text him again. a day later, make other plans so you've not wasted the babysitter. then if he gets back to you, say you've made other plans since you didn't hear from him. arrange another time. if he doesn't reply - no sweat because you've got something else to do.

bottom line - don't pine for him, get on with your life.

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