Hey all, Im new to this site, I am 33 weeks pregnant, and cant wait to be a mum!!
Sorry to start with a depressing post but I dont have many people to talk to and I wanted a neutral opinion.
I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and he is a very difficult person to be with (a typical Aquarian male!!). He does not want to commit. He is excited about the baby coming and he is already a dad and I know he'll be wonderful with our son but when it comes to us I am just not sure.
I don't know alot about him because he doesnt talk to me about things. He has a very close friend who he has known for 15 years and he always talks to her but not me. I've tried to get him to open up but he just doesn't. If we argue, his way to resolve it is to disappear for a week with no contact. I am worried about when the baby comes and he does this as I have no one else to help me. I have supported him through a lot and just dont feel I get anything back from him. I am getting fed up with trying. He wont be contributing financially (he earns very little and after rent and maintenance to his other son he only has enough for bills) and he wont be moving in and I just dont know what to do.
I am so excited to be a mum and know I will always do the best for my son but I am getting the distinct impression I am gonna be alone for most of the time.
Tbh the disappearing thing I would worry about..... I had a friend who put up with this for three years. It almost destroyed her and she made a decision that whilst she could usually get her head around his wandering she couldn't do it to the children. They were bewildered and upset. Be strong...... You sound together about the baby. Be the best mum you can be......
You sound very 'together' in yourself which will serve you well - your concerns sound completely justified and it doesn't really sound like you are partners - from my experience - my relationship fell apart the very second I gave birth - I think the last thing you need with a newborn baby is a loser man around. This is a bit hypocritical as we came through it but it was nothing like your situation but there were many times when he was making life so impossible that I would have been happier alone.
Don't settle for second best and do not let him get off scot free when it comes to money - am sure you will get lots of good advice on that here too.
Because, I quote, "I like my own space and what if we split up I will be homeless"
Its all just a load of BS....if he wanted to live with me, he would. Simple. He's just creating stupid excuses.
Everyone likes their own space but when you are in a relationship with someone it is a natural progression. I just dont understand. If one of my friends was going through this I would be so harsh...i'd be like "take your keys back, don't let him have a home when he feels like it he's having his cake and eating it etc" but when its me I cant follow through.
I guess our weaknesses always find us out in life in the end It seems very likely to me that you will be a single mum and that it was a very unwise and questionable choice to have a baby with this man. You will have to live with the consequences of that choice - as we all live with our own choices.
I think the main thing you could do now for your child when it comes is make sure that this man is aware you expect him to face his responsibilities financial and emotional for the child.