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Just had 4 policemen round - he hit me because I didn't want him to read my MN stuf

(85 Posts)
Carla Sat 02-Apr-05 19:23:51

And threw me to the ground. He'll be back tonight, though. They couldn't stop him.

tammybear Sat 02-Apr-05 19:25:14

oh my god carla, i cant believe that, why are they letting him back? stupid question but are you okay? thinking of you hun xxxxx

misdee Sat 02-Apr-05 19:25:38

when u say he, do you mean youre partner? can u get to safe house/refuge tonight?

Loobie Sat 02-Apr-05 19:25:43

OMG are you ok why cant the police stop him??? isnt that what they are there for!can you change the locks before he gtes back and get a friend or family to be with you when he returns and tries to get inot the house.if not contact womens aid or the likes to get help or even some advice.Take care hun and think of you and your kids in all this.

WigWamBam Sat 02-Apr-05 19:25:57

Oh, honey, silly question but are you OK? Where is he now, and is there anyone that you can call to come and be with you for a while?

kama Sat 02-Apr-05 19:28:13

Message withdrawn

mummytosteven Sat 02-Apr-05 19:29:25

oh god Carla - sorry to hear this. if you are in fear of further violence then can you go to your mum/sister's with the kids tonight?

do a written account of it as soon as possible once you feel up to it and get some photos of any injuries/bruises etc. and go to your GP next week - get it documented in your medical records as well.

also make sure you've got you and your kids cards/bank details/ID available quickly some cash and clothes available in case you need to leave the house urgently

fairyfly Sat 02-Apr-05 19:30:13

Who rang the police? You really need to get someone round if you dont want to leave.

nutcracker Sat 02-Apr-05 19:31:38

I don't understand why they couldn't stop him. If you have made an allegation then surely he should be arrested and quesiotned ????

I agree with everyone else, try and find somehwre else to go, just until you know you are safe.

Carla Sat 02-Apr-05 19:31:53

The police say they've 'asked' him to go off for a walk somewhere, to cool off. TBH, he's not the sort for physical abuse, but it frightened me enough to want to call them. Police were fabulous - how do they deal with crime and then have the time to advise someone to seek a third party (wasted time, on my account).

colditzmum Sat 02-Apr-05 19:32:25

get out get out get out, this man is abusive and violent to you. Don't be there when he gets back, phone a womens aid helpline and see what they can tell you.

colditzmum Sat 02-Apr-05 19:34:00

He assaulted you, terll the police you wish to press charges, they don't have to live with this man but you have been and you know what he is like.

WigWamBam Sat 02-Apr-05 19:36:24

Carla, this isn't the first time he's hit you, and it probably won't be the last. Can you call someone for advice, maybe the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247

Carla Sat 02-Apr-05 19:37:17

They asked all sorts of questions - annoyingly enough - do I own the bloody house? What's that got to do with it, cos it seems it makes no effing difference.

Has he gone for my throat ever - no

Told the girls he'd be back at 8.45, despite me wanting him to stay out for the night.

He's not dreadful, and having 4 police coming round shocked me, but I hope that shocked him too. No one should have to put up with it. Not 'it', him.

colditzmum Sat 02-Apr-05 19:45:25

Carla, he will hit you again. It will be because "The house is a tip"
"I was tired and you were nagging"
"You always set me off"
"You know things like X wind me up, so you shouldn't do X, it's your own fault"
"It will never happen again, I will get help"
"If you leave me I will take the kids and you will never see them again"
"I will get the kids because you are an unfit mother"

None of these things is true, but I bet you have heard at least some of them before, and if you stay with him you will hear them all, again and again. I have never heard of a man who hit his partner a few times, then stopped and never hit her again.

Caligula Sat 02-Apr-05 19:46:22

Carla, why have the police not arrested him?

tammybear Sat 02-Apr-05 19:49:53

carla, you said it yourself, no one should have to put up with it/him

stitch Sat 02-Apr-05 19:52:46

colditzmum, mine did.

six years ago he ws hitting me quite a bit. one particularly sunny morning, he beat me very badly. the neighbours called the police. i let them take hime away. he spent the night in jail. he called my parents, who live abroad, but they ignored his call.
i pressed charges. but basically after about three weeks oor soo, thoughit felt like a lifetime, made the decision to get back with him. i have kept all the documentation from that time. he llearned his lesson. Oh and we moved to essex then as well.
five years later he hit me again in the middle of an argument. i let it be then. but told him i was leaving him. he went off to work. i procedded to get all my stuff together, (bank stuff, etc) and packed the kids in the car, went to social services and told them i had to leave him.
basically he knows he cant get away with it.

nutcracker Sat 02-Apr-05 19:54:04

But will you feel safe with him there though Carla ??? I wouldn't tbh with you.

stitch Sat 02-Apr-05 19:55:04

carla, you need to decide what you want to do. keep the relationship going? or end it?
the police were asking about whose house it is as that is very very relevant. also, are you married, or just living together?
either way, press charges. teach him a lesson. dont listen to the i love you business. or the apologies. because unless you put a stop to it, it will happen again. and again and again.
feel for you. good luck

stitch Sat 02-Apr-05 19:56:43

honey, please stop this from happening. press charges. you wouldnt put up with a strange pushing you around. why your partner?

Caligula Sat 02-Apr-05 19:59:49

Carla you want him to go anyway, why wouldn't you press charges?

WigWamBam Sat 02-Apr-05 20:13:40

Are you still there, Carla? Just make sure that you're safe for now, everything else can wait. Can you go somewhere or get someone to come to you so that you're not alone when he comes back?

OldieMum Sat 02-Apr-05 20:40:55

Carla, if you would like me to come around, now or any time, just phone me. If you no longer have my number, look it up under my RL name in the Oxford phone book. Lots of hugs.

mrshighwater Sat 02-Apr-05 20:41:53

Carla, hope you're ok and that someone you trust can be with you tonight so that you feel that you and your children are safe. Might also give him the message that this is NOT ok. You should press charges - yes, to let him know you won't tolerate it, but also because you don't want this to harm your children. It is important that you ensure your own safety and the safety of your children. If this means locking the door and letting him sleep outside for the night, so be it, and don't worry about calling the police back if you're scared - this is NOT a waste of their time, domestic violence should be one of their priorities.

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