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Struggling with a friendship.

(5 Posts)
mogs0 Tue 13-Jan-09 20:16:10

I've known this friend for 10 years. We used to spend a lot of time together before dcs.

She's just let me down again and I feel that I always make the effort for her but she rarely makes an effort for me. It makes me sad but I don't know whether to let her know how much she has upset me or just get over it and distance myself from her a bit. I don't really see her anymore because we live a fair distance apart but speak on the phone quite often.

LiffeyKidman Tue 13-Jan-09 20:17:24

Do exactly that. You don't have to absolutely lose her.

Relegate her. See her no more than twice a year. And if she can't make the effort to see you once a year, reduce it to once a year.

mogs0 Tue 13-Jan-09 20:27:12

The things is, that's part of it. I've got a big birthday this year and have invited her and her family (aswell as other mutual friends) and she's just told me they won't want to travel that far so won't be coming.

aseriouslyblondemoment Tue 13-Jan-09 20:39:51

this is hard
reminds me of when my teenage best friend let me down re my wedding and being my bridesmaid
tbh i think alot of us sadly move on
and that means losing old friendships

mymumreadsthis Sat 17-Jan-09 23:38:00

Friendships can come and go, esp when there are big life changes and distances involved. My best friend at school went to a different uni and although we stayed in touch we drifted a bit... I was still deeply hurt though when I wasn't even asked to her wedding and we have barely had any contact since. However, other close friends go through periods where we are sometimes very close, and other times when we are not... this can be down to changes in circumstances where we seem to have little in common for a while, and then maybe more in common after another change, or peopel just get very busy sometimes.

I think also people without kids can get very "phased" when their friends have a baby.. no idea what to say or talk about and don't know how to act. I have friends who don't have kids who just can't seem to cope with my priorities being different now, and don't understand why I don't do the things I used to do on weekends, and why I'm not so interested in the same things anymore, why I might prefer to be home with my LO rather than dump him on my Mum so I can sit round their house... similarly when a good friend of mine had her first LO some time ago, I was the person who felt like my friend become a different person that I couldn't understand.... however, we had a while where we were less close and but we are back to be very close now.

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