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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Is anyone still up? I don't want to leave him, I want him to leave me.

72 replies

Carla · 31/03/2005 23:51

Where do I stand? Can I order him out? I own the house outright, he pays the bills.

DD2 has been complaining for the last 1/12 hours of an itch fanny. H heard her calling out while he was eating an ice cram and said 'Carla, one of the children's crying'. I went up, put some Valeline on it. He comes up, with 'Daddy's special cream'. FFs, it was Nivea! Would you want something full of perfume like that on something that at the time was so sensitive and itchy?

dd2 carried on crying. I did what she likes best - stroked her tummy. At which point he grabbed her out of our bed (and I mean ' grabbed), went to take her into dd1'w room and said 'that's the last thing she wants'. So now he's managed to wake up the whole house. What right does he bloody well have to take my daughter from me when I'm trying to comfort her?

OP posts:

Report

sparklymieow · 31/03/2005 23:52

Carla · 31/03/2005 23:53

Before he grabbed her I'd 'phoned NHS direct for some advice. He said that was pathetic.

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colditzmum · 31/03/2005 23:53

You acn order him out I think, but I would wait until morning if I were you, when you are both a bit calmer.

sparklymieow · 31/03/2005 23:54

IS he normally like this?? Sounds like he has a short fuse

dropinthe · 31/03/2005 23:55

Carla · 01/04/2005 00:04

CDM, how can I order him out? Sounds like I want him out cos he's abhorrant to live with? Would that stand anywhere? It's the final nail in the coffin for me ... I've tried so hard to live with this man, and every avenue I turn he finds something more to torment me with. I may not have the luxury (ha!) of the life we're living at the moment, and I know the children will miss him, and I also know I've complained quite recently on MN about his behaviour. But now I think (in fact I know) he's gone beyond the pale. I don't want him to live a lonely old life, but that's imho what he's brought on himself. And I really want him out. And I don't care what families think of that at school any more.

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Carla · 01/04/2005 00:10

coldizmum .. Please say how?

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colditzmum · 01/04/2005 00:11

If he is being intolerabley cruel, ie not allowing you to give comfort to your distressed and ill child, you can site emotional abuse.

go to the citizens advice place tomorrow, and they can tell you how to do it.

If he starts to threaten, intimidate, shout, break things or hit/push you, you can call the police and have him removed from the premises. You can change the locks while he is out of the house, and leave all his belongings outside where he can get to them without coming back in. i do think you need some legal advice though, because i don't know any more than that, and I wouldn't bet my life on what I have said.

rickman · 01/04/2005 00:12

Message withdrawn

tammybear · 01/04/2005 00:20

i really want to post on here, but i dont know what to suggest, except for perhaps see citizens advice or a solicitor. CAB would be free so maybe better to go there. thinking of you carla xxx

Carla · 01/04/2005 00:23

I know it's really late, but does anyone know who I might be able to phone now?

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tammybear · 01/04/2005 00:29

sorry carla, i dont really know who can be of help. i thought of parentline plus who are 24/7 i think, but i dont know if they'll be any help to you, although may help with just talking to someone about it. number is 0808 800 2222. take care xxx

rickman · 01/04/2005 00:29

Message withdrawn

rickman · 01/04/2005 00:30

Message withdrawn

rickman · 01/04/2005 00:42

Message withdrawn

Carla · 01/04/2005 00:43

None of those work - but thank you. Perhaps you're right - wait until he's out of the house.

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Carla · 01/04/2005 00:44

rickman, give me a fab story.

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rickman · 01/04/2005 00:45

Message withdrawn

Carla · 01/04/2005 00:49

Sorry rickman .. just about how you managed it. Some inspiration in this pathetic-feeling woman would be appreciated. Hope you don't take offence to that question and don't answer if you don't want to. But whatever, I hope you know what I mean.

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rickman · 01/04/2005 01:00

Message withdrawn

rickman · 01/04/2005 01:12

Message withdrawn

Loobie · 01/04/2005 09:15

Carla how are things this morning?Are things calmer,do you still feel the same,if you do then please use today to get that advice and get him out of the house.
Does he work? could you have the locks changed and put put his things while he's at work?That would be my course of action cause in my case getting him out was the hardest,once he was out i could deal with any of the crap he threw at me.Hope all works out it may be the start of hard times getting everything sorted but believe me in the long run it is easier as rickman said without having to live under the stress he causes you.My 3 are happier in the 3 years we have bene on our own than they have been in a long time.

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Carla · 01/04/2005 09:43

Thanks everyone. She called to come back in with me, and I stayed with her until she'd fallen asleep and the duty doctor had called back.

Rickman, reading your story was inspiring. Things today are - well, calmer, inasmuch as he hasn't spoken a word to me. I just keep going over and over and over it in my mind this morning, wondering if in fact what he did was acceptable behaviour. Was it? Or do I just want it to be, for an easy life?

He's not a wife-beater, or anything like that. I just want him to come to his senses and realise you can't treat people like that.

Anyhow, he's left for work now, thank God. Another day.

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nutcracker · 01/04/2005 09:50

Carla our situations are so similar it is scary.

My dp is also an arse,we go between not speaking to balzing rows and i would rather be anywhere than with him, but when it comes to it i always find something to stay for.

It's funny cos reading your thread, my advice would be to think about what you really really want, i mean like if you were still with him in 5 years time, how would you feel ?? pissed off ?? angry ??? like you wasted your life ?? If so then i'd tell you to get out now.

I obviously need to learn to take my own advice though.

xxx

Freckle · 01/04/2005 10:02

Carla, take legal advice before you do anything like changing locks and leaving his clothes outside. If you are married, he may have occupational rights to the matrimonial home, even if the house itself is in your sole name.

If it is his primary residence, he is entitled to break back in again if you lock him out. So please don't do anything which might escalate the situation before taking legal advice. Certainly the CAB is a place to start, but, to be honest, they will probably advise you to seek specialist legal advice, i.e. from a solicitor.

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