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what goes in a seperation agreement

(16 Posts)
RumMum Mon 12-Jan-09 21:42:33

We decided to seperate in September, there is no one else involved. He is still living in the marital home.
He is seeing a solicitor tomorrow to sort out a seperation agreement... he has written down one or two points and wants to know if I want to put anything.. <<sigh>> I don't know what to suggest
so far we he's put down

1. unlimited access to children - weekends away, holidays, all done by arrangement
I have no problem with this...

2. Mortgage - to be paid equally by both parties. the mortgage will be paid jointly 1/2 each till DS is 18 (8 years)
our mortgage is £400 a month. we have both set up a standing order out of seperate accounts to make sure it gets paid.

3. maintenance - he has set up a standing order for £200 a month into my account, increase to be discussed by both parties possibly to be disscussed annually or when pay rises occurs

4. Maintenance - is to be on average 1/3 of his net income

5. Garage - he can use it for storage purposes

6. Sale of the house in 8 years to be discussed buy both parties in case market conditions may not be favourable... I don't know perhaps we'll rent it out?

Now bearing in mind we are seperating amicably... is there any thing else I should be suggesting we put in?

Do I really need to see a solicitor as well.. I did think we could both see her together but apparently thats not the done thing...

I'm going to cross post this in the law bit as well

thanks

aseriouslyblondemoment Mon 12-Jan-09 21:50:31

Rummum
just looked thru
healthcare?
pension?
sale of house?how are you dealing with this?
provision for further education?
please get your own solicitor its essential
consider mediation as a route to sorting out finances

RumMum Mon 12-Jan-09 22:09:33

aseriouslyblondemoment... further education... I hadn't thought of that!
your right about a solicitor I will get one..
what exactly is mediation? is it when we sit down and discuss what we want.. because thats what we wanted to do with a solicitor but they said no!

aseriouslyblondemoment Mon 12-Jan-09 22:33:25

mediation is done independently of your solicitor and all good family law firms will recommend them
it cuts out the twoing and froing and inevitable soaring costs and is also recognised by the family courts.
its usually once a month for maybe 3 or 4 months depending on how civil/amicable you both are.
i think we had about 4
at the end the mediator draws up a document called a memorandum of understanding
this contains everything that you have both agreed on
ok solicitors will still see it and obviously disagree
but it does give you an opportunity to sit down together and discuss things
with somebody who is completely impartial
and financially/family savvy
do hope this helps you Rum xx

RumMum Mon 12-Jan-09 22:40:12

this sounds what were after really, they don't try and get you back together do they.. <<runs to the hills>>
are they expensive....

you mention family courts.. will we have to go to court when we divorce??

aseriouslyblondemoment Mon 12-Jan-09 22:44:12

and without wishing to hijack mocca again
please somehow encourage him to move out
having the exh under the same roof for so long did so much damage to my dcs
my exh failure to take a reality check
and me for trying to be civil for dcs sake
meant confused dcs for a long time
still (thou not as bad now)have problems with ds1 over the situ between us both

RumMum Mon 12-Jan-09 22:58:32

ASBM a friends husband had a flat 3 minutes walk from where we live ... it would have been ideal... I arranged for us to go and look at it.. him, me and the kids... we could go anytime over the weekend... anytime... and do you know what time he said

.
.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
do you



7pm sunday evening shock

when I suggested earlier he accused me of being controling.. and always telling him what to do!
I asked if he wanted to see the garden in daylight and he said

ok.... we'll go at 4 pm instead!

the flat wasn't too be in the end

asbm... I think my husband drinks far too much... drink had made him depressed, moody bad tempered, and all my love for him has gone... I love him... but I'm not in love with him....

hes not a bit earner but spends about £100 amonth on drink... this will of course inpact on what he can pay out in rent... but of course he is very defensive about his drinking hmm

he did turn into super dad for a while... but this has fizzled out now...

do you think I should charge him rent while he's here... to cover the bills... maybe thats a question for AIBU

aseriouslyblondemoment Mon 12-Jan-09 23:05:36

he sounds as thou he's in denial
and yes while in the family home he has to pay his way
and not forget that he is financially resposible for dcs too
i was decent for far too long
had offers from friends to come with bin bags!!
he told me on my birthday he'd move(top present btw)
5 months later it all became nasty
and i literally threw him out

RumMum Mon 12-Jan-09 23:09:37

gawd.... where did he go?

I feel guilty that I've broke up the family home... but do you know what...
he should be feeling guilty for putting his drink before us!
How much do you think I could charge him then.. all he's paying at the moment... from this month is £400 £200 for the mortgage and £200 for the kids...

aseriouslyblondemoment Mon 12-Jan-09 23:20:17

i got details of letting agencies
i didnt view left that up to him
hes an adult i have enough on my plate!!
you will feel guilty then you wont then you will
it is a phase
dont ask me how long it lasts for
but you will come out the other end
and you'll be just fine
i can't honestly put a price on what he should pay consider your usual monthly outgoings as a starting point
but please find a solicitor asap preferably tomorrow and get into see them this week
do not agree anything more with your h til you have had this legal advice
you need to keep all your options open for yours and dcs sake

RumMum Mon 12-Jan-09 23:22:31

Thanks for your help tonight asbm..
will definately see a solicitor..

night

aseriouslyblondemoment Mon 12-Jan-09 23:24:06

please do it's the right way forward
let me know how you get on xx

missingtheaction Mon 12-Jan-09 23:27:27

in the early days of separation it is all too easy to agree stuff that in the cold light of day makes no sense at all. You also probably have little grip of how the law works in relation to divorce and children - and it is a legal process, you only have so much choice and leeway. Ultimately whatever you agree has to look reasonable to a judge, who can decide to overturn it if they feel your arrangements are unsuitable.

this especially relates to your DC - the law wants to see him safely provided for. If your dh is a drinker do you think that, once out of the marital home, he is reliably going to hold down a job/pay the mortgage? or did I misunderstand, are you planning to carry on living together until dc is 18? in which case you will only count as separated if you leade separate lives ie do not eat together do each other's laundry watch tv together etc etc.

Get legal advice.

RumMum Thu 15-Jan-09 12:49:58

Thanks for all your help.. he went to see his solicitor about the seperation agreement and she agreed with what we had put in it, but also suggested that he pays me £300 a month instead of £400 as at the end of the day with my wages and family credit it means we are taking home the same amount of money...
If this means he will move out quicker then I'm all for it... but I've got to sit down and work out how much it will leave me...
his solicitor is going to draft it all up and then I will get a solicitor to look it over...
he's also agreed to help pay off my barclaycard...
and... more importantly... I said I was concerned about him drinking when he had the children and he said he wouldn't drink when they came to stay.... weather they stay with him or not now is a different matter. <<rolls eyes>>

aseriouslyblondemoment Thu 15-Jan-09 13:02:09

hi RM
some progress?
as i said before it is vital for you to get a solicitor ASAP
without sounding cynical his solicitor is looking at that agreement from her client's POV and not yours
you need to remind yourself of this
you are not being difficult/grasping
you are merely ensuring that your dcs future is being provided for and considered from every angle
and also you need to be able to cope financially too and take care of your future
as for contact arrangements
personally i would get this clarified

lessonlearned Thu 15-Jan-09 13:13:54

And don't forget about the Pension. Next to the house this might be your biggest joint asset!

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