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Oh hell - xh beaten up again last night

(21 Posts)
snafu Thu 31-Mar-05 10:32:22

Phone rang at 1am this morning - xh got into a fight with his flatmate and got the sh*t kicked out of him - again. It's the second time he's been beaten up this year - he was jumped on walking home a couple of months ago and broke his arm.

So he rings me because he says he's got nowhere else to turn to. He is refusing to tell the police because he says this guy he lives with is a psycho and it will just make things even worse if he 'grasses'. Trouble is, the guy won't leave the flat - xh is secretly subletting a room to him in return for half the rent so he has no legal comeback or powers of eviction over this guy. This guy drinks a lot and gets very violent - xh is basically pretty scared of confronting him again.

Is there anything that he can do? He is adamant he won't be involving the police - so is he stuck with this violent freak living in his house? He won't chuck his stuff out or change the locks or anything (the flatmate would easily get back in anyhow!) and obviously just saying 'I don't want you living here anymore' gets him a punch in the face.

And why am I even getting involved in this anyway?? I do feel sorry for him and would like to help but oh god sometimes I wish he'd just disappear - trouble seems to follow him around.

Sorry for ramblerama - just feeling very tired and wound up and need to vent!

MunchedTooManyMarsLady Thu 31-Mar-05 10:35:54

I don't know what to say. Can he move?

I just wanted to respond, but I'm at a loss. Hope someone who can help responds soon.

Hugs to you honey

sunnyskies Thu 31-Mar-05 10:36:35

(((((((snafu)))))) no advice sorry but thought you could do with a hug

Caligula Thu 31-Mar-05 10:37:43

Oh God. Haven't got a clue.

TBH I'd tell xh that I don't want to know about it unless he wants me to do something - like call the police and have the guy prosecuted for assault.

If not, then stop ringing me and burdening me with this unwelcome news.

snafu Thu 31-Mar-05 10:41:00

He hasn't got the money to move - I lent him a lot of money to pay deposit etc when he first moved in there (well, I say 'lent' - hahahaha - never gonna see that again)

Urgh. It's a nightmare. I see a lot of him because he sees ds several times a week. Our relationship is reasonably amicable but it seems like it's just one drama after another with him.

irishbird Thu 31-Mar-05 10:43:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

coppertop Thu 31-Mar-05 10:45:56

This will probably sound harsh but my attitude would be one of "well you (xh) got yourself into this mess, you get yourself out of it."

Besides, if he's getting extra rent money from the sub-tenant then how come he isn't paying you back the money you lent him?

mummytosteven Thu 31-Mar-05 10:48:58

might it be an idea for him to phone up a domestic violence type helpline for advice - as that's what the situation sounds like really, even tho obviously no relationship between them?

jangly Thu 31-Mar-05 10:55:41

Could you talk to the police? He obviously needs help. The police wouldn,t involve the landlord (about the rent). He would have to get the locks changed.

snafu Thu 31-Mar-05 10:57:43

He barely manages to pay me £25 a week for ds, so don't get me started on why I'm never going to see my 'loan' again! I've mentally written it off really, like so many other things...

You're all right of course. I should just say I can't help him again unless he decides to take some action. Am just concerned this guy is going to get back from work tonight and it'll all kick off again. When all is said and done obviously I don't like to think of him getting hurt. But there isn't much I can do, is there?

snafu Thu 31-Mar-05 10:59:06

I think he'd feel even more emasculated if I spoke to the police for him. I think he's quite traumatised by it all (and getting beaten up in the street a few eeks ago obv hasn't helped!)

throckenholt Thu 31-Mar-05 11:02:27

is it worth him talking to the CAB ?

snafu Thu 31-Mar-05 11:05:12

That's an idea, throckenholt - didn't think of that. Worth a try I guess.

Thanks everyone - got to go out now but really appreciate you listening

Freckle Thu 31-Mar-05 13:00:24

Your ex has every right to get rid of this person. He has absolutely no security of tenure at all. The problem as I see it is his willingness to do anything about evicting him. He definitely needs to involve the police as he has been badly assaulted. If he's not willing to involve the police, how much further will this animal take things? If he steals from your ex, will your ex put up with it for fear of reprisals? He needs to understand that, if he puts up with this, this violent moron can effectively take over his life.

charleypops Thu 31-Mar-05 13:18:25

He could tell his landlord he's been subletting and get himself and "flatmate" evicted. If you're evicted, I believe it's easier to get another place quickly through the council? maybe others can back me up here? He can't afford that place on his own anyway by the sounds of it. Even if he has to b&b for a while it's got to be better than this. Maybe you could look after his stuff while he gets sorted? Poor bloke. Hope he's learnt a lesson though about who to share his living space with.

Freckle Thu 31-Mar-05 13:27:10

As a single adult male it is extremely unlikely that he would get council housing. Getting himself evicted is rather a drastic step. He could get rid of the lodger himself, but it appears that he doesn't have the inclination to do so.

anorak Thu 31-Mar-05 13:29:58

I would have thought not having a tenancy agreement means your ex's flatmate has no tenant's rights and can therefore be evicted.

I used to rent out rooms on a B & B basis and I didn't have any written agreements. Therefore if anyone troublesome moved in I could tell them to go.

I have heard of quite unorthodox methods of removing squatters - someone I knew who worked at a housing trust told me the best way to get rid of squatters was to smash the toilets and sinks. The cost of repairs was always less than the cost of legal action. Or, he said, go and squat with them and take a vicious dog with you.

Not that I am advocating using any of these methods - I only mention them for interest's sake. Personally I agree with what so many others have said here - he should stop expecting you to mother him and solve all his problems. Time for him to grow up and take responsibility for his own actions.

snafu Thu 31-Mar-05 16:39:52

Freckle - the flatmate has stolen from him already - I believe that's what sparked the argument last night. Xh knows he has every right to get rid of him - the question is how? I think xh is genuinely fearful of, as he said last night, 'reprisals' if he contacts police/changes locks etc. This guy is a nasty piece of work and has some unpleasant friends, by all accounts.

<<sigh>> He is very good at making me feel responsible for all the bad stuff in his life... I knew something like this would happen in the end.

Gwenick Thu 31-Mar-05 16:50:49

As a single adult male it is extremely unlikely that he would get council housing.



Maybe things have changed now - but a few years back my Brother got a council place as a single adult male.

Freckle Thu 31-Mar-05 18:03:00

Well, councils have to house those who are deemed vulnerable first - e.g. those with young children, the elderly, etc. So, if your brother was housed as a single male adult, it would merely have been because that particular council didn't have any vulnerable people on their waiting list for whom that property would have been suitable.

I know that, in this area, you'd be waiting years for a property as a single adult, male or female.

Gwenick Fri 01-Apr-05 11:26:25

Freckle - let me assure you that the chances of Edinburgh council not having any vulnerable people on their waiting list for who a 2 bedroom flat (very spacious as it happens!) were suitable would be VERY unlikely. The flats he's living in are full of young children, eldery etc so it's not like his flat was unsuitable for them!

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