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I know I don't deserve any support but for the sake of my husband and kids please can i have some help?

(83 Posts)
NAB3lovelychildren Fri 09-Jan-09 16:04:14

So, I think ex really does mean it is over as he deletes email. I feel sad but also a tad relieved and really feel it will be fine with DH. DH forgives me.

He then emails me later and asks me to go on msn. We chat on there last night and then a couple of texts this morning before msn again. Pretty much straight away he says this is the last time we will have contact and refuses to phone me. Later we talk on the phone. (I honestly thought it was just as friends)

We both absolutely know we can't be together and it has to be no contact at all.

I have told DH it is finished.

I can't help thinking after all these years, what if I never get over him, what if I never stop wishing we could be together?

I have agreed no more emails/texts and have a friend who I can text instead.

Dior Fri 09-Jan-09 16:07:47

NAB - you should have refused to go on MSN. If it IS finished for you, be strong and accept your decision. You really do remind me of me 18 months ago - I know how this hurts but you need to be strong. I luckily had my Fab and Glam girls to support me and Lou33 was almost constantly on MSN, telling me home truths.

I know you won't believe me but, if he was genuinely a nice guy, he would leave you completely alone.

NAB3lovelychildren Fri 09-Jan-09 16:08:30

I guess he had a blip like I have and emailed but I really know that is it.

It hurts. sad

Jazzicatz Fri 09-Jan-09 16:11:14

You will, it takes time but you will. I have just finished an affair after 18months and whilst it hurts like mad I know its for the best. When I feel the urge to contact him I just remember why I have stopped it - I love my family and don't want to hurt them. That usually stops me. I am just trying to stay away from the wine as I don't want to send drunken texts grin

NAB3lovelychildren Fri 09-Jan-09 16:11:56

i need wine

Dior Fri 09-Jan-09 16:12:44

Of course it hurts sad.

Block him on email, MSN and mobile. Make sure that you never get another message from him - until it stops, you can't get over it.

NAB3lovelychildren Fri 09-Jan-09 16:14:15

I hate the person who lied

Lulumama Fri 09-Jan-09 16:14:20

of course it hurts, it is awufl BUT you run the risk of a hell of a lot more hurt to your self and your DH and DCs if you continue

just end it

block him, delete his numebrs, email, MSN everything

a buddy you can call instead is a great idea

your DH is being very understanding

you need to focus your efforts on your family relationships and making the best of things and enjoying the life you have

agree with dior if he was as nice as you say/ think he is. he would have left well alone after the last 'this is it, goodbye'

NAB3lovelychildren Fri 09-Jan-09 16:15:54

Same as me. Just couldn't do it.

I was all prepared to be strong as I honestly thought it was just going ot be as friends and then it wasn't and it all went wrong again.

I am scared I will never get over this.

I don't want this pain.

Lulumama Fri 09-Jan-09 16:17:22

NAB, if you were meant to be together, i beleive you would be

it would have happened all those years ago and you would have found each other despite the meddling of otehr people

the fact that you ahve this romeo and juliet-esqe star crossed doomed romance thing going on makes it so much more exciting

at the end fo the day you were both potentially going to cheat on your respective spouses

that is not exciting or romantic

he has a wife, you have a DH and children

if he is the type to encourage and emotional affair, is he really somoene you want to be with , in reality>?

sounds like he is loving the ego boost and the forbidden fruit element, i would bet my house on him rejecting you if you suddenly became available

it is the not being able to be together bit that is the impetus IMO

NAB3lovelychildren Fri 09-Jan-09 16:19:24

There was no way to find each other and once I thought he was married I didn't try.

I don't want to go over it all again as I am sure everyone is sick of me but please help the pain to go


NAB3lovelychildren Fri 09-Jan-09 16:20:01

he said it would work out if it was meant to as well but that doesn' help me get over him

NAB3lovelychildren Fri 09-Jan-09 16:20:59

he said if we lived near each other he/we (couldn't hear which) would already be divorced.

snoringnightmare Fri 09-Jan-09 16:21:59

Oh Nab it will go eventually. sad But there's nothing any of us can do. You sound so sad I really feel for you.

Lulumama Fri 09-Jan-09 16:22:07

there is nothing to be done that is a quick fix

you have two options

you carry on some sort of pseudo friendship wher you actually make each other miserable or then proceed to an affair which will ultimately be so destructive

or you concentrate on your family and go through the grieving process for what could have been , which will take time

continuing a phone/text/msn relationship is prolonging the agony

of crouse, you could both leave your spouses and be together if you thikn that would make you happy

MadreInglese Fri 09-Jan-09 16:23:58

wise words lulumama

NAB you have not lost a limb, pull yourself together and concentrate on your DH and your DCs

There is too much shit going on in the world today, appreciate what you have got

NAB3lovelychildren Fri 09-Jan-09 16:24:15

We are staying in our marriages and have ceased contact.

Doesn't stop the pain. It was only 2 hours ago.

Jazzicatz Fri 09-Jan-09 16:25:03

Stop thinking about it find something else to occupy your time. Talk to me - I am going through it and know exactly how you feel.

Dior Fri 09-Jan-09 16:25:06

NAB - stop analysing every sentence - that way lies madness.

I am going to be brutally honest with you now:

Stop going over old conversations in your head
Have a nice evening with your dh.

ALL of these feelings will go in time. I know that doesn't help but I HAVE been through this too and came out the other side. My marriage was having problems anyway at the time but that was no excuse to have an emotional affair. It WILL fade, I promise.

The only alternative is to split from your dh, have a house on your own and be prepared to be lonely for a while. OM will not come and rescue you if you are single - he will run a mile. He is feeding his ego and you are his waitress.

MadreInglese Fri 09-Jan-09 16:25:57

(that looks harsher in B&W than I meant it to sound)

Dior Fri 09-Jan-09 16:27:10

Mine too.

When I was really suffering, Lou33 said something to me that really hurt but it turned out to be TRUE - I just didn't want to see it at the time.

bellavita Fri 09-Jan-09 16:27:56

sad for you NAB.

But, you have a lovely DH (who has been understanding), can you just not get on with your life with him and your children.

Enough is enough. Don't torture yourself.


NAB3lovelychildren Fri 09-Jan-09 16:27:57

It scares me that they won't go after 15 years they just slipped right back into place

Rubyrubyrubyknittedknickers Fri 09-Jan-09 16:30:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dior Fri 09-Jan-09 16:31:05

They will go. Promise

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