Upset with my brother

[MissisBoot]

I'm really upset with my brother after his behaviour last night - bit of background - he got married v young and left his wife after having an affair. They then got back together a year ago.

They've been visiting my mums for xmas me and dd went over to stay for a few nights as we don't get to see them very often as they live quite a way away.

Last night my brother lost his rag with my mum over something small, shouted abuse at his wife and walked out on the middle of the night - didn't have shoes/money/coat etc and didn't come back for a few hours - his wife worried that he's crashed the car and my mum feeling v guilty. Came back and not a word said about it this morning. Everyone is pretending nothing has happened. Its like the prodigal son has returned.

I think he's apologised to his wife and my mum - but he hasn't said a word to me.

I have partly unresolved isshoos with my dad - but I feel really upset that my brother has behaved in exactly the same way as him - and no one has said anything about it - just pretending nothing has happened.

I don't know what to do - I can't bring myself to talk to him as I just can't pretend that his behaviour is acceptable. I just feel really tearful and can't bear to be in the same room as him.

No real answer to this just needed to get it off my chest.

[LiffeyValleyOfTheDolls]

His poor wife.... why did she take him back?

He sounds very angry about something.

[blondemum]

I find that writing a diplomatic note to him before he goes home is the best method of getting your feelings across. In particular telling him that his behaviour was mirroring that of your father.
Tell him you love him very much, but found his behaviour really upsetting.

Once he reads it hopefully it will break the ice for a conversation. Ask him where he went. Tell him what happened at your mums in his absence and the effect it had on your mum, you and his wife.

remeber blood is thicker than water. He is your brother and a grown man. If he can't manage this then perhaps it is a good thing that you don't live close to eachother.

[backalleysally]

for you and your family.

Your brother is probably very embarrassed about his behaviour and therefore trying to sweep it under the carpet so to speak. At least he has appologised to your mum and SIL. Was he drunk? Maybe it was just an alcohol fuelled one off. I would definately let him know how much it has upset you before he goes home otherwise you'll probably hold on to anger.....get it off your chest while he's still there.

[MissisBoot]

Thank you.

Yes - a note might be a good way through. I know he'll have been really embarrassed and upset about how he behaved. He has been having counselling about his anger - and this is the first time in a year that he's lost his rag. Something my mum said just hit him where it hurt and caused him to snap. He hasn't had a drink since he's been back.

I think that telling him that he was behaving like my dad may be a bit close to the bone for him atm - he has many unresolved issues with my dad that are impacting on his real life.