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Can't face this one

(12 Posts)
Carla Mon 28-Mar-05 01:09:55

Basically, had a drink problem before Christmas. Thank you to all who helped me through (and it's not over yet! - I'm told it goes on for a lifetime)!!

DH is no help. That's the long and the short of it. I thought he would be so proud of me now, for doing something about it, but still he comes down in the morning/comes home in the evening without a morning/hi,how's your day been. And it's getting to me.

I honestly thought I was the cause of all his angst, because I was the way I was. Don't want to go into details, but dd2 said the other day 'Don't listen Mummy, just ignore it'. That was 'cos I'd done a big Sainsbury shop just before picking them up from school, and dh couldn't understand why I'd left all the paper towels/bog roll/tinned dog food in the car and just put the perishables away 'cos I was short of time.

Anyhow, never, ever thought about being without him, but now - well, it's a possibility, but I don't want it. But I also don't want (and especially don't want dds) to go through living a life with my life controlled by someone who will always find fault, no matter how hard I try.

Whad'ya think?


essbee Mon 28-Mar-05 01:15:53

Message withdrawn

Carla Mon 28-Mar-05 01:23:28

esbee, thanks so much for replying.

I did attempt to talk this evening, which is why I've ended up where I am now - seems like I can't do anything right. Had lots of people round for Easter supper - thought he'd be proud of me, but he always finds something to critisice me for. Talked ages ago about Relate - he refuses to go. GP recommended a psychologist - but as best friend quite rightly says, there's no point in seeing her if he's not going to change. And I know he won't.

I can put up with it, because I feel I have to, but I'm just so sad for dds who are quickly becoming aware of what's going on.

essbee Mon 28-Mar-05 01:33:58

Message withdrawn

Carla Mon 28-Mar-05 01:45:20

You are so kind to listen to me - thank you. God, that sounds patronising, and it's not meant to!

'Spose the upshot is I don't want to be with him any longer, but can't face the alternative. Like I said, he's not going to change, and I don't think it matters who I talk to, he'll still be the same person. But he is the father of our children, and I owe them that.

essbee Mon 28-Mar-05 02:10:26

Message withdrawn

Dior Mon 28-Mar-05 09:58:26

Message withdrawn

mummytosteven Mon 28-Mar-05 09:58:30

like Essbee I just want to say "Well Done" for sorting out the drink problem.

I still think it might be a good idea to go to Relate or a psychologist by yourself - as they can help you think through what you want to do next - i.e. accept DH as he is, or leave, and help you work through you own feelings/baggage and your self-esteem. Just because DH is the father of your children doesn't mean that you have to stay with him if it's making you and your children unhappy.

Has DH always been like this? what's he like with his own family? What's his attitude towards previous exs like?

nutcracker Mon 28-Mar-05 10:49:22

Carla, do you think the age gap is a problem ??

HappyDaddy Tue 29-Mar-05 10:27:02

Carla, well done and keep it up.

Staying together for the children doesn't work, as you've said dd is picking up on it. On the other hand, he may feel resentful that you got through your drink problem. He may feel that he's failing as a protector but won't admit it, even to himself. Why don't you go to the counsellor by yourself, it will help you. Perhaps explaining that dd is picking up on HIS behaviour will shake him up a bit?

Good luck, you are so strong.

Titania Tue 29-Mar-05 10:31:36

honey well done!! I have tried to contact you on yahoo but still can't get you. Have you got MSN going yet? I am sorry I haven't been any help to you. Not had a great time myself the past few months. Please contact me whenever you need to though. It sounds like your DH is the one with the problem not being supportive enough. Agree with happydaddy that telling him your dd is picking up on it might shake him up enough to do something about it. Good luck know where I am if you need me x x

Carla Wed 30-Mar-05 21:39:28

Thank you everyone. I hope you'll understand that I wanted to keep away from MN for a while after posting that. HD ... you're soooo right.... I think ...

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