I had a horrible chat with my BF today- I was offloading about a row at home with my DS and she really laid into me- not saying I was wrong, but offering a solution. I didn't need it- I know the solution- I just needed to offload. In the end I felt battered by her- and hung up, crying. she phoned back to say sorry and I said I'd call her soon-we will not fall out- have known her almost 30 yrs.
But sometimes, don't you find you don't need solutions- just an ear and a "sorry you are feeling down"...?
She should have let you vent and get off your chest what was bothering you. It was insensitive of her to then give you a hard time. When you feel ready to speak to her, just be honest about what you wanted from her and how you need her to listen and not judge you. That's what a friend is all about.
Agreed- she is very strong willed and she just went on, and on, and on....about what I should do- when i have been doing that anyway!
I did say this to her- and said she just went on too much-I didn't ask for advice or a solution, I just needed to vent. I think in some way she is quite "male"- she sees venting as a problem to be solved.
Please, MNs - be aware of this- I know I have done the same to her, but some times we just need silence on the other end of the phone, or the occasional "I'm sorry" "That's tough..."
sorry been away in bed sweating and coughing!! I have still got this terrible bug which I have had since Monday.
NABS, All I meant was that maybe it is not such bad idea to see that person. But many people think it is absolutely not a good idea. The people who think its a bad idea seem vehement (?) about it whereas those who don't aren't egging anyone on just saying that it might not be.
im a bit lost - but in answer to the op - the thing is a friend is not a professional counsellor - they dont always have the skills to just listen - that is something people really have to learn to do. Cut her a bit of slack - i guess she meant well
NOt having a go at the OP but... Have you often offloaded at her about similar problems or indeed the same problem? Because sometimes having someone ring up and whine and bleat at you and not listen when you offer advice or even get angry at you for offering advice, can be really annoying. Especially if you have had weeks or months or years of the same person ringing up going 'Waaaaaaaaaah! It's/he's/she's/I've done it again!' and never asking how you are.
Basically if/when you need to offload and rant, your best bet is to ring the Samaritans. That;s what they are for (and you don't have to be suicidal). People who are not trained counsellors and who do, after all, have lives and problem of their own, can get very tired of being ullulated at on a regular basis without being allowed any input into the conversation.