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Christmas - dp's ex staying on the sofa

(25 Posts)
ninah Tue 23-Dec-08 22:15:42

Ok to cut a long story short I've been seeing someone a while, met online, get on well although I've had a lot of misgivings in the main down to awful past relationship. We are both lone parents. Just decided to give it a go when it emerged his ex is staying over with him tomorrow night, and for Xmas lunch, at request of his ds. He has tried to reassure me and I've tried to trust him. I think he is honest and decent, possibly a bit weak, but have been wrong before. Woefully naive? or wait and see?

I would be worried too tbh but then thats me as I have trust issues.

Can't offer you any advice but i hope you sort it hun

ninah Tue 23-Dec-08 22:30:02

smile thanks.

Aimsmum Tue 23-Dec-08 22:31:27

Message withdrawn

Hassled Tue 23-Dec-08 22:34:20

I think benefit of the doubt - and that it shows him in a good light, having the ex for the sake of his son, who of course will want his Mum there.

If you aren't going to be there then he could have got away with not telling you, so I think your assessment sounds right.

ninah Tue 23-Dec-08 22:39:29

Yes, I really think he is Aimsmum. To be fair I backed away from him bigtime recently and it's only back on course. I can see his ds would like to see his parents together, whenever we've met his ds been friendly but has kind of chaperoned us. It's tricky for everyone. I've just realised how much I like him. And I know he likes me. My exp was a womaniser and I was last to know that's all. Thanks, means a lot that you think that.

ninah Tue 23-Dec-08 22:41:03

ah, more yeses grin
he does seem decent to me.

HolyGuacamole Tue 23-Dec-08 22:46:52

Give him the benefit of the doubt. You decide when you trust someone and invest your feelings, you don't have to do that until you are absolutely sure and ready.

Take it slowly and I hope it works out

ninah Tue 23-Dec-08 22:51:38

You're right. It's about trust isn't it, after all he could be on the pull every night like my ex. Only he isn't my ex. Very different indeed.

Sazisi Tue 23-Dec-08 22:55:11

I think he sounds like a really good dad; it also bodes well that his ex still thinks well of him if you know what I mean?

ninah Tue 23-Dec-08 22:57:43

Yes he is a good dad and a good person. Just not that confident in my own judgement of men these days so great to get a resounding mn yes. He is also extremely nice with my dc including my ds who has been quite difficult on occasion

brazenhussy Tue 23-Dec-08 23:01:26

Nothing more to it IMO

My Ex is staying over tomorrow night at the children's request, and like someone has already pointed out, he didn't have to tell you.

ninah Tue 23-Dec-08 23:08:07

No. I asked. I told him how I felt and he said he would feel the same. We got a lot of stuff out in the open and I am pleased as my usual instinct is to run for the hills these days. Thanks everyone. I am seeing him tomorrow afternoon really looking forward to it smile.

macdamiforgotitsxmas Wed 24-Dec-08 15:20:33

My ex is staying tonight as well and for lunch tomorrow Not looking forward to it but there is NOTHING going on nor will be - think my NM (very new) is a bit hmm but if he cant trust me now its not going to go anywhere - its a hard time xmas for exes with kids and NP - go with your instinct and FWIW I have serious trust issues thanks to my lying cheating ex - luckily NM is happily esconced in the North Sea with no women in sight grin

ninah Wed 24-Dec-08 22:43:29

yeah lying cheating ex here too m, saw dp today briefly and was very smile
can't believe it really
missing him now

shinyshoes Wed 24-Dec-08 22:51:26

I would feel a bit wierd bout this but I have ISHOOS grin

If you trust him it dosen't matter does it?

ninah Wed 24-Dec-08 23:09:52

I don't know if I trust him or not without coming on mn lol
I feel weird which is why I asked for opinions. Instinct says it's OK experience says not. I'm tending to back instinct. But yes of course I'm worried that a few drinks, reminiscences etc, who knows.
It's a v new relationship and like anyone else in my boat (lone p abusive ex etc ad infinitum) a bit daunting

skrimbo Wed 24-Dec-08 23:22:22

My exH stayed over last year on the sofa, as we had not long split up, this year he hasn't even asked to see them on Christmas day so I have peace.

ninah Wed 24-Dec-08 23:44:03

mmm. my ex never wants to see them over Xmas either too many drinks parties
hope he sees them soon tho
we are having big fake family do next sun

ninah Fri 26-Dec-08 20:07:32

two nights on sofa? only went today
feeling horrible combination of stressed and can't be arsed with all this any more
Exchanged texts on Xmas Eve, nothing last night and wants to ring me tonight, now the coast is clear presumably

ninah Fri 26-Dec-08 21:25:15

anyone? does two nights seem ott?

nula Fri 26-Dec-08 21:49:42

No I think it is fine.

me23 Fri 26-Dec-08 22:04:07

it may all be innocent and I hope it is, but I would also be a bit suspicious if I hadn't heard from him all the time she was there.

ninah Fri 26-Dec-08 22:44:26

Yes I had texts, but not a phone call.
I've just spoken to him on phone now and he said it was a horrible Christmas but did not go into detail expect I will hear more when I see him away from dc.
When I am with him it's lovely, then for a while I imagine I'm madly in love with him then I become cynical, so I am not easy to be with at all.
I agree with everyone who says it's OK and just shows he's a nice dad, but at the same time it makes me back off like mad which I suppose isn't fair or rational.

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