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low libido - why do so many women endure it?

(41 Posts)
theladysnowlush Tue 23-Dec-08 20:56:09

It's just a thought. I've experienced it myself last year - before I was diagnosed with an under-active thyroid. I thought it was just due to being a mum, working hard, being tired, feeling pulled in several directions etc. Anyway, I have spoken to several women who feel the same way. They seem resigned to it sad They are not old - 30's. They wouldn't dream of going to the G.P or addressing their lifestyle to try to address the problem. Do they think it is a temporary problem or are they just not bothered?

theladysnowlush Tue 23-Dec-08 20:57:10

Poor grammar in that last sentence blush

nickytinseltimes Tue 23-Dec-08 20:58:46

Maybe they are just not bothered?

I know atm that dh and I just aren't too bothered about sex becasue we are under a lot of stress. We've talked about it and are fine. We go through phases where we are, very, ahem, activve. blush grin

callmeovercautious Tue 23-Dec-08 20:58:47

Who are you usually? I assume this is a Christmas name?

paolosgirl Tue 23-Dec-08 21:00:00

I'm honestly not that bothered - and that is OK you know!. Lovely DH but with 3 kids (youngest is almost 2), a busy job and lots of running about means that we're just not desperate for a shag at the moment. We're very tactile, and enjoy each others company but it's not important at the moment - other things are more so.

lilymolly Tue 23-Dec-08 21:00:46

some of us dont have a physiological reason for it, and have spent hours with a relate counseller, and still have not cracked it.

To me, I have accepted that It is me, and thats how I am, I enjoy some things that other people hate, and hey guess what I dont really like sex. Its just part of my make up and I can deal with it.

If someone had come along and said, hey its all due to an under active thyroid, take some thyroxine and you will be swinging from the chandeliers, I would have been delighted.
You are very fortunate.

onepieceofbrusselssprout Tue 23-Dec-08 21:01:35

I think for some of us time drifts on, and then you realise it has been weeks that you have been tired/caught up with the children etc etc.

LucyJones Tue 23-Dec-08 21:03:39

sometimes it's just easier, quicker and you get more sleep if you just do it yourself grin

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Tue 23-Dec-08 21:05:33

theladysnowlush, your post comes across as a tad judgmental

I had this problem a few yrs ago, and I admit I let it drag on for too long

there are lots of very valid reasons why

callmeovercautious Tue 23-Dec-08 21:11:08

AF - that is why I asked who she is. It seems like an odd post all round.

<troll/journo alarm bells here>

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Tue 23-Dec-08 21:12:09

yup, me no likey

lilymolly Tue 23-Dec-08 21:15:30

It seems a very odd OP to be posting at xmas, and I too thought that it came across as very judgemental

callmeovercautious Tue 23-Dec-08 21:19:35

Ok have worked out who you are so I will happily post - difficult to know this time of the year smile

We found various contraceptives can be a cause, I used to take Depo and only realised when I stopped and had had DD that my libido was Higher. Who knew that 4w after giving birth you would want sex more than ever hmm wink

I/we just thought things always dwindled after a while.

Now we have other things in the way like RL and DD grin

MaryMotherOfCheeses Tue 23-Dec-08 21:20:49

Why on earth do you think it's always something that a GP can address? Or that there's something in their lifestyle?

Do you know, I've never done this on MN before but I'm going to now.

Feck off.

santasinmywaistband Tue 23-Dec-08 21:21:13

We don't all sit around. I have found early menopause is to blame, I am now on Topical HRT and hope things will change very soon wink

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Tue 23-Dec-08 21:25:37

if this is a genuine poster, I am sorry for reacting negatively to the tone of your OP, but it was rather hmm

could you come back and post some more (in a less judgemental way) and perhaps you will get more willing discussion ??

hotCheeseBurns Tue 23-Dec-08 21:28:36

When I had a check up after joining a new doctors surgery I mentioned low sex drive to the nurse and she just brushed it off saying it was completely normal hmm

solidgoldstuffingballs Tue 23-Dec-08 21:52:02

I think sometimes women put up with it because they are feeling resentful towards their partners (often justifiably: a very common cause of low libido in women is a man who does nothing in the house, belittles his partner and then expects that saying 'I love you' will get him his cock sucked) and don't want to sort it out because they feel that it will be just another thing they are obliged to do for the partner's benefit.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Tue 23-Dec-08 22:02:57

yep sgsb

funnily enough, when my relationship improved, I did find I was much more inclined to want to suck his cock wink

theladysnowlush Wed 24-Dec-08 11:13:22

Oh god, sorry blush So didn't mean to come across as judgemental. Was the end of the day, I was tired and didn't post as thoughtfully as I could've. I didn't mean get off your arses and do something about it, I suppose I was genuinely curious about the reasons why people don't prioritise it I suppose. And lol, I'm hardly swinging off the chandeliers grin, it's just a lot better than it was.
I had a chat with a close friend of mine the other night (I suppose that's what prompted the thread) and she has 2 kids under 6 and she says she is always too tired) I suppose we are very different to men in this respect whom I suspect would happily forego some sleep in exchange for sex.
On a professional level too, I am aware that male patients are often asked about their libido but not female which I think is poor.
Am a regular poster (ladylush).
Anyway, apologies again if I offended anyone - certainly wasn't my intention.

theladysnowlush Wed 24-Dec-08 11:16:02

Oh and yes I can totally relate to what you said solidgold. My libido crashes when I feel resentful towards h. I am trying hard to get over his affair and I often feel quite frustrated and pissed off when I get unwelcome intrusive thoughts which totally kill any opportunity for sex.

theladysnowlush Wed 24-Dec-08 11:19:00

hotcheeseburns - angry at that nurse. It may be normal for some women but doesn't mean it is for you. That wasn't a helpful response at all.

theladysnowlush Wed 24-Dec-08 11:28:59

I think I have hit a raw nerve with some of you and I really did not mean to or want to, so apologies. Marymotherofcheese - I suppose I was talking from my perspective. My crap libido went on for quite a while and I felt I should go to see my G.P because I felt that either my hormones were fucked or I should think about ADs (low mood as well). Wrt lifestyle.........I meant thinking about whether we take on too much (most of us do), childcare, housework, paid work etc. and letting some of it hang (not the kids lol)or getting p's to do more. Or making more time to go out with p's - or even <whispers> me time. That's all. Also, I don't think I should address my libido for my h, it is my libido thank you very much smile
Anyway, thanks for all your replies. I did find many of them useful and interesting to read. Hope you all have a great Christmas smile

theladysnowlush Wed 24-Dec-08 11:30:59

Santasinmywaistband - hope the HRT helps smile

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Wed 24-Dec-08 11:56:25

sorry from me too theladysnowlush, I guess you did hit a raw nerve

merry xmas x

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