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Mil threatening hubby with will unless we divorce

(16 Posts)
inlawoutlaw Tue 23-Dec-08 01:15:07

Typical story , been married for over 10 years and Mil has made my life a misery from day one. Dh has never really been very good at standing up to her and this has contributed to some serious problems between us.

Over the years she has insulted me on a regular basis , spoilt every special day and blatently encouraged Dh to not marry me , and then to divorce me.

About 6 months ago Dh moved out , and we used that time to attend counselling and sort things out. There was never going to be a divorce , it was to give us both space.
We will be moving back in together very soon , and yes , youve guessed it Mil is threatening to cut Dh out of her will should he even consider it.

The thing is , she has been openly nasty about me in front of my children and quite frankly i dont want them round her for any reason.
She would happily see my children grow up without a father to satisfy her own warped agenda and i find this very hurtfull.

In the past Dh has taken the children to see her alone , i no longer feel comfortable with this , but i dont want things to be any harder for Dh and ideally id like the children to have a good relationship with their grandparents.

I havent seen Inlaws for a few years now , im not sure whether it would be selfish to keep the children away from her ?

TWINSETinapeartree Tue 23-Dec-08 01:17:08

She sounds like a bitch but you have the moral high ground, keep it that way and your children will respect you when they are older. Let her see them.

Tortington Tue 23-Dec-08 01:19:47

i dont think so.

i went to see my grandmother on my own when i was 11 or 12 - it was quite a walk, she was boring and not confortable to be around like my nan. but i made the effort, and this particular time, she slagged my mum off.

i was shocked, thanked her formally, didn't kiss her goodbye and left.

your kids will experience that. and come to their own conclusions.

if my dh even blinked and hesitated if it came to me and the kids - or a will and his mother - i would divorce him

solidgoldprawnring Tue 23-Dec-08 01:20:18

Depends a bit on the ages of the children. If they are old enough to like/love their grandmother, no matter how horrid she is to you, unless she is a danger to them it would be a bad thing to stop contact between them as it will distress your children unecessarily. If they are old enough to ask why you and her are never in the same room it's a good idea to say something like 'Granny and I don't get on but we both love you' and not go into details or expect them to take sides.

TLESinChristmasStockings Tue 23-Dec-08 01:21:00

invite her over for xmas and spike her food and drink with arsenic grin

failing that ignore the old biddy

inlawoutlaw Tue 23-Dec-08 01:33:05

Is very difficult.
None of my Dcs are very keen, the older ones definateley dont like going but feel an obligation towards their dad.
My youngest also doent like going.

Realisticly theres only contact 5 or 6 times a year , but the fact she will see them without a father infuriates me and i doubt she has any care for them at all.

The thought of her fussing round them while demanding their father divorces me makes me feel sick.

A while ago she launched into one of her rants about me in front of my youngest, when my DD became upset , MIL attempted to comfort her by saying that everything will be alright once were divorced and its all for the best , should she ever want to go and stay with her she can ect ect !!!

I hate her with a vengeance and feel she doent have their best interest at heart .

inlawoutlaw Tue 23-Dec-08 01:37:58

Thought id better add , theres no question of a divorce re her latest threat , theres a long line of other threats .
Besides , shes skint anyway !

I dont see why i should be sat at home while she enjoys my Dcs despite the fact she doesnt give a hoot about them.Im sick to death of this mad old bint interfering in my family , interfering being an understatement.

Tortington Tue 23-Dec-08 02:07:42

you need to move

inlawoutlaw Tue 23-Dec-08 02:24:14

We did that several years ago !
And caller display has been worth every penny.
I suppose the issue is not one of her mad threats re the will , but is it right for my Dcs to visit despite her aim to split their parents at any cost ?

What grandparent in their right mind would demand their son divorces his wife and leaves his children ?

Better still shes suggested that maybe he could go and work abroad after this imaginary divorce to avoid paying maintenance ,, and he neednt worry about the cost of the divorce , she will pay for it.
Vindictive old hag.

CuddlyUnderTheMistletoe Tue 23-Dec-08 02:40:32

Wow she is a piece of work isn't she?!
No care about how it will damage her son to leave his wife and children and go into exile abroad. She just wants to win at all costs.

The other's have said it...rise above it. She is making her bed.

dsrplus8 Tue 23-Dec-08 02:45:10

shock lets hope her broomstick gives her splinters up her ar*e ! im sorry you have the mil you do! still, at least she doesnt want to live with you ,that'd be worse !if she starts send her brochures forlocal,distant old folks homes and mental health leafletsgrin

dsrplus8 Tue 23-Dec-08 02:46:57

*hello there* solidgold , love the xmas name!

thumbElf Tue 23-Dec-08 03:38:10

what a special MIL you have!
She will be the loser in the end, bitter ol' lemonsucker that she seems to be; let your DCn make their own choice - if your DH still wants them to see his ma, and they agree to do it for him, then you should not stand in their way. If they don't agree, then your DH should not force them.

Get the book Toxic Parents that AttilatheMeerkat always recommends - I haven't read it cos I don't have this problem - lucky for me the EX-fiance had the toxic ma so I escaped it <phew!> - but it is highly recommended - get yor DH to read it if poss cos this sort of lunacy can poison the family for generations and you don't want it to affect your DCn (and DH!) more than it already has.

Good luck - just know that you and your DH are stronger than her and she is desperately pulling out all the stops to try and gain control over a situation that she can't control. You will win.

mamhaf Tue 23-Dec-08 08:06:50

My late MIL was a nightmare. It kind of went downhill after she pleaded with me not to marry dh. Dh wasn't good at fighting my corner with her.

I tried my best to get on with her for about the first 8 yrs of marriage.

Then I had enough and told dh I would see her for an absolute minimum - Christmas etc, and he could take the children to her house on his own.

It worked out fine - although the difference we had was that she was ok about me to dh and the dc, just nasty to me when we got together.

She died 5 years ago, and we've never been happier in our marriage - it does put tremendous pressure on.

Your dc will grow up to see through her behavious - mine are teenagers now and fully understand - especially as SIL demonstrates some similar behaviour.

HolyGuacamole Tue 23-Dec-08 09:00:40

OMG, what a cow!

I agree with the people who say let your children go and see her, they will eventually make up their own minds on her treatment of you.

Rise above her bitter pettiness and work on yourself and your family, that's whats important. The happier you are, the more unhappy she will be and that is her own choice.

Hope you have a wonderful Christmas grin

TheCrackFox Tue 23-Dec-08 19:36:46

If she has got into the habit of slagging you off in front of your DCS then your DCs would be better off without seeing her. It is very devestating to your DCs to be used like this by your MIL. How dare she talk about you getting divorced in front of them? She is being cruel.
She has no legal rights to see them and she should be reminded of this.

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