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How can I help dd deal with our messy break up?

(2 Posts)
gardengirl Fri 25-Mar-05 12:26:13

Dh and me have been separated for nearly four months. Apart from one big row early on, when he stormed out, we have been very civil and kind to each other in front of dd, who is 8. We have all been out as a family and had a good time.
In the beginning she did see me very upset a couple of times and I explained I was just sad about me and Daddy, then bucked myself up and got on wtih being mum.
Recently however things have got very messy. He had been seeing someone else for long before we split, and I know he is still seeing her "just as a friend" he claims. The other night he was not in when he said he would be, so later I rang and calmly asked him if he had been with her. We ended up screaming at each other down the phone. DD was in bed but I think she must have heard. Also he has been very emotional recently- -he misses her, our home, and he says he misses me- she has told me he has been in tears in front of her several times. The last thing, that made me realise I could do with some other mums advice, is her "diary". She left a book in which she had been writing private things (she knows I keep one)in front of my computer. I know I should not have read it but I am afraid I did. It was written in the third person, about daddy breaking mummy's heart, seeing a grilfriend, telling mummy he was not with her when he was etc
If I ask dd how she feels about us breaking up, or encourage her to talk to me about it, she says she is fine. I know she is not fine- she has had numerous tummy and headaches with no physical cause. She has always been very affectionate, but wants (and gets) far more cuddles than before this happened. I know dh and me have to try harder to keep the rubbish away from her. But what can I do to help her through all this?
We do not know what is going to happen - are we divorcing, are we trying to make a go again, so how can she? We are supposed to be going to see a cousellor in ten days but I think he is having second thoughts.
Any advice on how I help dd much appreciated. I love her so much and hate the fact that mine an dh's troubles are hurting her too.

tammybear Fri 25-Mar-05 12:47:48

I cant really give you much advice gardengirl, but my dad left us when i was your dd's age, except we werent told he had left. I was left wondering when dad would be coming home, and I had a very wild imagination when I was kid so I use to think maybe he had died as we wouldnt see him for ages. I would have liked to have been told what was happening, especially when I saw my mum upset. I wanted to know why she was crying, even if it was cos of my dad. But I think it is good if you can be as civil as possible with him. Im trying my hardest at the moment to get on with my exp so its easier for dd, although shes only 2 at the moment. Sorry not really any advice in there. Hope things will be ok xxx

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