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Please help - dh wants to move, I DON'T

(4 Posts)
Mandy03 Fri 25-Mar-05 06:08:58

Hi. I'm going through a bit of a dilemma at the moment which is causing problems at home, & I just don't know what the answer is. My dh has become unhappy at work and has decided he'd like to go into partnership with another guy to buy a real estate business. Problem is, he only wants to consider one area - which is two hours' drive from where we live now. At the moment we live in the city, but he wants to move to a coastal region. Firstly, I can understand that he wants to do something different work-wise, but he doesn't even seem willing to look for a business closer to home.. there must be hundreds of opportunities to buy a business in this city, but he only wants to consider this ONE area - miles away from home, which would mean moving away.

My problem is that my ds (5) is going to a good school which I was very lucky to get him into, he's happy there & it's only a couple of minutes away from where we live. He's also an only child, he's very close to his grandparents (who live 5 minutes away from us) and all his cousins are here. I moved around a lot as a kid and I remember how unsettling it was and how much it affected both my brother and myself, so I've always hoped to give ds a secure, stable childhood. I also have some wonderful friendships here which have taken a long time to build, and last but not least, I recently found out that my mother is not in very good health and is seeing a specialist next week for a prognosis on her life expectancy. I've been really upset about this over the last few days, and the last thing I can think about at the moment is moving away from here.

I know a couple of hours away isn't THAT far, but dh would be extremely busy in this new business (probably working 6 days a week - maybe some nights too), ds would be at school five days a week, and I just know that we would hardly ever get to come home. It has gotten to the point where dh is pushing me and pushing me about this and now it's just turning into arguments, and I'm beginning to feel like I've got no choice. Quite frankly I don't want to go - at least not at this stage in our lives. He agreed to consider looking for a business in our home town, but now doesn't seem interested in doing that at all. It's causing real problems.... can anyone see how I feel, and whether I'm being reasonable?! I just don't want to be forced into doing this.

logic Fri 25-Mar-05 06:15:04

Mandy, why don't you print out your post and give it to your dh to read? He might realise how strongly you feel about moving then. Do you think that there might be a reason for him wanting to move that he hasn't been able to explain to you? Sorry, I don't really know what to say to help

Mandy03 Fri 25-Mar-05 06:58:36

logic, I've explained everything to him, I don't think he thinks any of it is relevant. He's not close to his family (even though they live close by) and only seems concerned about his career at the moment. I understand he wants to make a change - it's just the fact that he is only willing to make this particular change, which is causing me so much grief.

noddyholder Fri 25-Mar-05 09:10:06

I have been in a very similar situation recently although ds is 10/11.We decided to stay put as he is an only child etc etc and will move when he is older HOWEVER if he was 5 we would definitely have gone Weigh up the pros and cons and see if in the long run you would all be better off

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