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sigh...another row...another am i being unreasonable thread

(17 Posts)
Titania Wed 23-Mar-05 18:40:39

I have not long got off the phone to my nan and shes so lonely adn was crying about how down she felt. I really really miss her. I totally adore her and she has been more of a mother to me than my biological mother. We talk on the phone about twice a day. I thought that if i was up to it i would be brave and I might be able to go and take the kids on the train to see her next week. The journeys about 3 and a half hours and will cost £30 providing I spend £20 on a rail card (55 if i dont) DH has just come home and gone mad saying that we haven't got the money (i have got a bit saved from my birthday money anyway) He said that the card full of petrol so he could take me at the weekend (which i know he doesnt really want to do and i wouldnt ask him to as he has got sciatica) I pointed out that we have no breakdown cover on the car and it would cost more to get the car back if we did break down. He went mad saying that that was just an excuse and that really its cos I dont want him to go and that I want to waste more money Well I thought it would be a nice (if long) day out for me and the kids over the easter holidays. I am in tears now.... Is it THAT unreasonable of me to want to go? I love my nan so much, but I dont want to aggravate DHs sciatica by him doing 4-5 hours driving....

QueenEagle Wed 23-Mar-05 18:48:41

Thank your dh for the offer to drive you but say this is just one of those boring family visits that wouldn't be his cup of tea. So you'll take the kids on the train (hype this up as an adventure for them) and leave him in peace to do his own thing. Then suggest you all go out together on another day, something that he'll enjoy and not too far away so as too aggravate his sciatica.

You need to use a bit of cunning here to stop this becoming a sore point, smile, be sweet but stick to your guns and go and enjoy a day with your nan.

vict17 Wed 23-Mar-05 18:49:25

Hi Titania. I think if you are using your own savings to go then that's fine. Perhaps he didn't understand that bit?

Titania Wed 23-Mar-05 18:51:57

he knows i will put some towards it. i thought that if we were at home at the weekend we could do aomething together then instead of him coming to nans. he doesnt see it like that

vict17 Wed 23-Mar-05 19:12:06

I would just ignore him and go anyway and come back feeling really postive and tell him what a lovely day you had, and how much better you feel for going out and he'll soon forget about it. Or keep suggesting nice things to do over the weekend to win him round?

noddyholder Wed 23-Mar-05 19:21:49

go anyway he will chill out about it eventually and your nan will have had a lovely day

nutcracker Wed 23-Mar-05 19:44:08

I think you should go, whatever dh says. It is not an unreasonable request and it's not like you go very often.

LGJ Wed 23-Mar-05 19:48:26

Tell him to get over himself, is he trying to control you ???

You should go BTW

Blu Thu 24-Mar-05 10:41:01

Titania - I have to say the words 'control freak' went through my mind, too. Why on earth doesn't he want you to go on your own with the kids - it's far more logical.
And if he drives you, the car WON'T be full of petol on your return and he'll have to spend the money....

Beetroot Thu 24-Mar-05 10:44:18

Message withdrawn

lou33 Thu 24-Mar-05 10:51:28

Leave him behind and go and have a good time

justalurker Thu 24-Mar-05 14:07:22

Sorry to to intrude but I don't believe that she has to go to her nans despite the fact that the husband says no. This will probably be the begining of a relationship problem,I am not saying she has to be a doormat but she cannot just do whatever she wants to do....she is not single, I believe there are ways of getting through to your husband, just "going anyway and ignore him" are not one of them.

lou33 Thu 24-Mar-05 14:19:34

Why shouldn't she do what she wants every so often?

NomDePlume Thu 24-Mar-05 14:23:02

Titania, I can understand that you want to see your nan, and I really don't think that it's unreasonable to ask to go. Although I will say please don't be too harsh on your DH, he has had an awful lot to cope with over these last few months too. Give him a chance to calm down and broach the subject again.

Titania Thu 24-Mar-05 14:33:09

oh i know. It has been 4 months since i last saw her..... I miss her so very much.

justalurker Thu 24-Mar-05 14:35:48

Thank you NDP

Pinotmum Thu 24-Mar-05 14:44:38

Tell him you really need to go and see her and that you feel if you take him up on his offer and his sciata plays up he will blame you so you would rather use your own cash and train it. If he insists then I'd let him drive.

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