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What makes a good relationship, and what can save a failing relationship?

(36 Posts)
Wonders Tue 22-Mar-05 21:37:35

Just wondering what peoples' views were on this. Discuss.

moondog Tue 22-Mar-05 21:41:53

Honesty.
A real commitment to making it work.
Common goals and working towards threm together.
A little bit of......magic

KoalaBear Tue 22-Mar-05 22:33:09

unflagging honesty in the face of everything

at the end of the day, wanting the other person to be happy above all else (this has to go both ways or it doesn't work)

humour - my DH can make me laugh even when I am angry with him

NotQuiteCockney Wed 23-Mar-05 08:22:39

I'd say, honest expectations, a sense of humour, a good attitude (assuming the other person means well, and is "on your side").

Without all of these, you're stuffed.

I don't know what can save a failing relationship - counselling? One or both people changing, in a serious way?

noddyholder Wed 23-Mar-05 08:32:47

real love and a sense of humour and just that certain something that I can never quite describe

HappyDaddy Wed 23-Mar-05 08:49:06

I agree with all of those. Also the honesty to admit when either of you are wrong and to address it. I think a willingness to compromise can defuse many situations, as well as showing respect to the other no matter what the problems may be.

Miaou Wed 23-Mar-05 08:53:44

A healthy respect for each other's opinions and a willingness to compromise.

Communication - on anything and everything.

A sense of humour.

Some common goals/opinions.

An ability to admit when you are wrong and apologise with good grace.

To save a failing relationship - a commitment from BOTH sides to try to work it out and to achieve the above!

Hazelgrove Wed 23-Mar-05 08:54:21

have no idea

wild Wed 23-Mar-05 09:19:59

hazelgrove!

mummytosteven Wed 23-Mar-05 09:20:44

Respect for each other and empathy.

MeerkatsUnite Wed 23-Mar-05 09:58:25

Trust
Emotional honesty
Honest expectations
Common goals and opinions
Willingness to compromise
Sense of humour
Communicating effectively
Not trying to act as the other one's rescuer or saviour.

snafu Wed 23-Mar-05 10:29:12

Respect, trust, ability to make each other laugh, common goals and a bit of va va voom.

Save a failing relationship? Tons of very hard work and an unflagging commitment to it - from both parties (or so they tell me).

lou33 Wed 23-Mar-05 12:54:45

Trust
Honesty
Equality
Humour
Sex

kama Wed 23-Mar-05 12:55:56

Message withdrawn

Amsterdad Wed 23-Mar-05 13:00:58

True Kama, but then would "trust" and "honesty" on their own save a relationship either - surely it is a combination of many things (mostly intangible)

kama Wed 23-Mar-05 13:31:19

Message withdrawn

Tortington Wed 23-Mar-05 17:37:17

trust is fundamental. i think getting a new start if the relationship is going downhill - so moving house is good for a new start.

boundaries - like you do with your kids.expected behaviour from each other.

i personally have two sacred rules - no hitting me ever and no fucking around with someone else. - i think we can work on everything else.

i also think that when it comes to money worries its good to recognise that if you are skint becuase your paying all your bills and debt - then not to scream at each other - my dh has saidtome on many an occasion - "why is this my fault exactly? i havent bought anything for myself - you dont see me wasting money by spending it only on me"
he ofcourse has a point - and this recognition has foced me to approacht his in a different light - i tlel him that to stop getting worked up about it i need more information on a regular basis on where the money goes ( am so shit with money am a feminist nightmare)which my dh does when i ask him.

Trifle Wed 23-Mar-05 18:12:37

Trust is completely superfluous IMO. It is a totally wasted emotion and achieves nothing. Trusting someone doesnt mean that they are not going to cheat on you, you wont get a better job, have more friends, wont get ripped off etc. How many men/women have you heard wailing 'oh but I trusted him/her'. So what, trust is pointless.

winnie Wed 23-Mar-05 18:19:16

Trifle,what an interesting point.

snafu Wed 23-Mar-05 21:32:08

Trifle, I couldn't disagree more

'Trust is pointless'? I agree it's no guarantee of good behaviour, but what do you have if you don't/can't trust the person you're with? It's everything else that looks pretty pointless then, imo.

Tortington Wed 23-Mar-05 22:11:53

you presume trifle that the trust only goes one way. turining your argument on its head - not to trust someone yet be in a loving lasting relationship - how does that work?

lou33 Thu 24-Mar-05 00:09:48

example of trust on my marriage

Dh went back to thailand after i went alone, and he called me , to say that there were 2 thai ladies hitting on him. I asked him if he wanted them to and he said no, so i said well tell them to stop. I didn't get jealous, and he asked why? I said well, I trust you to make the right decision. Obviously i don't want you to do anything with these women, that goes without saying, but i am 6,000 miles away, and whatever i say i have no control over you, so I have to trust you to do the right thing.

When i was away i was asked to spend my last ngith with someone there, and i turned them down based on the same way of thinking. You have to trust you partner. You cannot impose your way of thinking on someone else, but only say how you would like something to be, and leave the rest to trust.

justamom Thu 24-Mar-05 03:09:57

honesty
selfishness
each wanting to make the other happy
give-give (sometimes people forget to stop taking
so just both give so when you slip and
take it is o.k.)
planning for the future not the split ( people start relationships waiting for an end....marriages for instance...people obviously marry for the wrong reasons..because if you need a prenup should you really marry...?

understanding...
lil bit of magic like another mum stated

similar goals and hobbies ( not necessary but oh, man does it make life easier....)

open mindedness (can't judge the other's goals and hobbies, cause they probably won't be like yours

love, love, love, the real kind the kind that makes your stomach flutter, and the kind that lets you stay up all night and your still not tired...(that way when it wears off, you can still have memories)

memories,
but knowing that love is a decision to start and a decision to stop...when people first fall in love you are making the decision to not see the persons falts and only seeing what you WANT....when you fall out of love..you are making the decision to ONLY see the falts and not see all the good things............

justamom Thu 24-Mar-05 03:17:04

to save a failing relationship...only the decision to save it can save it....
can't make someone love you enough to stay and put your wants ahead enough to listen.......only when they decide to fix it is it actually able to be fixed...problem with that is...will YOU still want it to be saved?

to the other mom..trust is a b*tch, but.....
.................................................
if you start WITH that attitude....well there won't we a relationship...no one will stay with someone that doesn't trust them....would you?

jabberwocky Thu 24-Mar-05 05:16:09

Making a good relationship:

Knowing that everyone has their own particular brand of sh*t and picking someone whose aforementioned ** you can put up with the most.

Saving a relationship:
Reminding yourself of the above.

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