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mixed relationships

(42 Posts)
bubbly1973 Mon 21-Mar-05 21:23:31

are you in one? do you know anyone in one? were you in one?
do you find it hard going being in one
was it hard for you to be together initially, did loved ones accept it straight away or was it hard going

how are things now?

so many questions!!

nikcola Mon 21-Mar-05 21:25:44

well everyone knows my story it has been really tough but i would love to hear from people who havent had it so hard!

good thread topic btw

bubbly1973 Mon 21-Mar-05 21:28:45

so heres my story

im hindu, dp white, we met when i was 17 and he 18 been together 14 years married 10
have one ds

met him through work, when my parents found out a few months later i was given a choice, him or them

i chose him, so i was thrown out, i went to dp's house, a few days later i went back home as my family gave me the guilty treatment 'mum is ill, come home'

as far as they knew i had split up with my dh, but i hadnt, it was easier than telling the truth

few months later, they found out again, and i left for good

dh's parents were fantastic and still are, they took me in when i had no money and no home to go to

my parents spoke to me just about, i kept trying and trying...they didnt acknowledge dh

4 years into relationship we got married, i invited my family, on my wedding day my father said the words i never thought i would hear 'you are welcome to our house anytime you want'..that was said to dh

a few years ago my parents who are now retired and living in india invited me and dh to there village, i know that was a very big thing for them to do as no other mixed race couple have gone there,...i am proud of them for not giving a toss now, but i cant forget that at the beginning they thought more of what other people in the community thought than there own daughter

nikcola Mon 21-Mar-05 21:31:22

thats lovely xxxxx

bubbly1973 Mon 21-Mar-05 21:31:46

i do think its easier for an asian girl to leave to be with someone whose not asian than it is for an asian bloke,....the asian men usually carry on the family name etc etc so always a lot more expected of them but thats just my opinion

nikcola Mon 21-Mar-05 21:33:46

the asian girls id dps family would be killed if they left i fell very sorry for them dd can marry who ever she wants but dp has diffrent views on that

nikcola Mon 21-Mar-05 21:33:58

do you have children bubbly?

kama Mon 21-Mar-05 21:36:26

Message withdrawn

kama Mon 21-Mar-05 21:36:35

Message withdrawn

bubbly1973 Mon 21-Mar-05 21:38:22

awww thanks nikcola...does have its downside though

now that im 'in' with the family, i get invited to all these bloody indian weddings, i am running out of excuses as to why i dont want to go!!

and thens theres things like when ds was born, trying to tell my parents that my ds wont be a hindu as i want him to choose what he wants to do when he is old enough...not sure they liked that, but ive changed since i left home

im much stronger thanks to dh, he has taught me to have a mind of my own and to be strong and stand up for myself

they are coming over soon for about a year, i cant wait, but i know i will get the 'are you making indian for etc etc'

still i suppose i cant really complain, i am grateful that even though i landed in shit i have come out smelling of roses (as a friend put it lol)

a friend of mine who is also indian met a boy from college (he did have bad reputation), she left home to be with him, got pregnant, and relationship didnt work out, for about 7 years her family never spoke to her

they have only now startedt o speak to her, they got her to get married to this indian bloke, who was horrible to her, and she had enough courage to get out of the relationship, her family still speak to her, but she tried both relationships, and now is happy being on her own with her ds

LGJ Mon 21-Mar-05 21:39:47

10 posts in 18 minutes way to go girls

nikcola Mon 21-Mar-05 21:39:57

ill go to the indian weddings with you u wil have to teach me to cook indian lol i cant cook f**k all , i bet your ds i georgous

bubbly1973 Mon 21-Mar-05 21:40:29

yes nikcola i have one boy 2years8mths a real sweety he is

nikcola Mon 21-Mar-05 21:41:11

bless him my dd is 3maybee they could marry we could get then engaged now

nikcola Mon 21-Mar-05 21:41:51

email me and we can swap piccys of our sweeties x

bubbly1973 Mon 21-Mar-05 21:42:53

i dont think its so much racism, i think its got more to do with 'you have let us down, what will people think' attitude

kama, im glad you never let what other people say to you affect your relationship

my parents said 'he will use you for sex and then leave you'....i thought...'fine by me he is a great shag! '

nikcola Mon 21-Mar-05 21:43:29

my dad said the same to me lol

bubbly1973 Mon 21-Mar-05 21:43:32

okay nikcola...would love to

yeh lets arrange our kids marriage hehehe

nikcola Mon 21-Mar-05 21:44:01

nikcola Mon 21-Mar-05 21:52:07

you are georgeous and so is your ds he is a propper cutie, hey we will have to go shopping for indian gold !!!!!!!!!! i have some but need more ,

bubbly1973 Mon 21-Mar-05 21:55:10

nikcola beat me to it, i re-opened the mail to have another look at my sons future wife!!

she really is a beautiful little girl...i got a big smile on my face of those 'awwww' kind of smiles

indian gold is the best...

nikcola Mon 21-Mar-05 21:57:57

well i will have to go shopping now wont i to get all the gold for the wedding!!!!!

ur ds will be a proper heart breaker when he is older

nikcola Mon 21-Mar-05 22:00:35

ill be back later pc will blow up if i dont give it a rest! lol

bubbly1973 Mon 21-Mar-05 22:02:21

okay speak later, i better be social with dh now even though he just MADE me try some of his homemade cauliflour!! urrrggghh was horrible

i knew i should have married a nice indian boy who would want me to try a samosa not a friggin cauliflour!!

HappyDaddy Tue 22-Mar-05 11:51:39

Hey bubbly, hope you don't mind me butting in. I'm white and my dw is black (family west indian). Her family is great, really welcomed me and think of me as part of the family. MY mum is the problem. She's racist but denies it. She's said many many things and been very rude to dw. Now, I go to see my olfer daughter (from my first marriage) at my mum's and my mum has nothing to do with dd and dw. My mum is now really missing my dd (10mths) but is reaping what she sewed.

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