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Grrrrr really need an inlaw rant... and not just the mother!

(2 Posts)
Rarrie Sun 20-Mar-05 21:42:22

I'm sorry, I know loads of people have MIL rants, but I really have to get this out of my system...

Their selfishness drives me insane! Today MIL phoned up spoke to dh, told hims all about her lif, asked how he was and baby was but not me.. is it just me or is that incredibly rude?

Last time I was near by their house, I popped baby in to see them - and they didn't even bother to make small talk with me, they just talked to baby and when she toddled off, they sat in silence (as they always do, they never ask me anything about my life, or show any interest whatsoever). They never come over to visit us, despite them being retired and my working two jobs to support hubby who is currently studying. Yet they only live 40 mins away, and then moan that we never go and visit them. FIL has been over to our house twice in 6 months! He doesn't like driving in the dark... yet we're expected to go over to see them!

I ensure we go over every 4-6 weeks as we always have done, but that's not enough and from time to time, we get weepy MIL saying she has no relationship with DD, how she feels as though she's being forgotten etc etc. But they make no effort at all, and when we do go over, they simply talk about themselves all the time. They never ask how our lives are going or show any interest whatsoever, despite us having a lot on at the mo.

DH recently worked on a book, and when he showed it to them, they barely looked at it said lovely and that was all. When he had his book launch (he didn't write the book, but had a big role in its production) he invited his parents to the book launch but they wouldn't go because his mum was being a prompt at her other son's village play (for the fifth night).

Is it just me or are they incredibly selfish? I don't expect to be best buddies with them, but I do expect politeness. Its gotten so bad even my family have noticed and commented. At DDs first birthday, we had a party and my family were in the living room (big room - 25 foot, so plenty of space) and DHs family were in the kitchen. When they got their food, my family got up and moved leaving 4 seats on the sofas for them to sit down on, yet they simply went off to stand by themselves in another room. I was livid at their rudeness. (And so was DH).

When we go over, I just feel like they are ignoring me... but I know its not me, because I can see they do it to my SIL as well... but she is very quiet and seems happy with that...but they sit and talk about things that actually exclude me from the conversation (like their football team <which is the big rival team to my town>), memories from their childhood and old tv programmes all conversations for one reason and another I can't join in on. Its not deliberate, as they are not really close as siblings, and so its one of a few conversations they do have! But as they only ever talk about themselves, it really does feel as though they exclude me.

As people, they're not bad people, and I'm sure they don't mean to be so hurtful, but they are... but they don't see it, and when we've tried raising it in the past, they get all defensive, and then turn the conversation round to being about them, and how bad they are as people etc (which they are not!) but I just feel as though the more time goes on the more resentful I am getting towards them, having to have a relationship with people I increasingly do not like. But then I feel bad, am I being unfair? Am I expecting too much? I dunno, but I have tried really hard to be nice and be a part of their family, and I just feel as though they don't want to know. What would you do in this situation?

late Sun 20-Mar-05 22:12:30

children today can be diagnosed as having a form of autism for such inabilities to be sociable - just a thought! Sorry for you, my inlaws sometimes show slight tendancies towards this kind of behaviour and am often left wondering if it is me!

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