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What would you do? I'm nearly at the end of my tether.

(13 Posts)
IHHR Sat 19-Mar-05 08:59:36

I have changed my name for this and IHHR, stands for 'I HATE HORSE RACING'.

That is the problem. A bit of background first, when dh was single and younger, he had a problem with betting on the horses and his mother had to nip it in the bud before he blew his wages. Since that its been ok, we occasionally have a trip to the races, take the kids and a picnic and have a lovely day out, the kids love seeing the horses.

Anyway, gradually over the past few months, he has been betting again, and now it gets to the point where he puts a bet on every day. He is complaining that we have to save money to go on holiday this year, but somedays he bets 8.00 and some days 3.00, these are the ones I know about, I have no idea how much he puts on other days.

Now, it seems that everything we do revolves around him being able to put a bet on, when we went on holiday last year, the first thing he did was find out where the nearest bookies is, and before we could set off for the day ANYWHERE he had to put a bet on.

When the racing is on the tele at home he is a total and utter nightmare, no-one is allowed to speak to him, if the kids talk to him he tells them to shut up, and he often gets annoyed in the fact that he can't watch a certain race because he has to pick up our eldest from school, he says i have to do this so he can watch it.

Saturdays are a complete nightmare, all we have on television from midday is horseracing, horseracing and more horseracing and the kids daren't speak.

As I type this he is going through the racing pages to decide which horses he is betting on.

Is this the beginning of a problem do you think?

If so how can I nip it in the bud before it comes a problem again and ruins our marriage.

noddyholder Sat 19-Mar-05 09:09:00

gambling is like any other addiction and needs help Has he tried Gamblers anonymous It would probably help him understand why he feels compelled to bet and that may help him stop

IHHR Sat 19-Mar-05 09:11:19

Thanks for your reply noddy, thats the thing, he doesn't see it as a problem, he see's it as a past time. And if I mention it he loses his temper. He spends that much a day, but complains if I get a bottle of wine a night. (Not that I do anymore, decided it wasn't healthy)

noddyholder Sat 19-Mar-05 09:13:27

If he gets angry about it and HAS to do it every day even on holiday I think that is a problem not a hobby Can you speak to his mum ?

IHHR Sat 19-Mar-05 09:15:27

I wish I could speak to his mum, she has been ill and not been out of hospital long, at the moment she is not interested in anyone but herself, she hasn't seen her grandchildren for 3 weeks and 'doesn't mind' she won't even come to a birthday party we are having for her grandchild.

Kayleigh Sat 19-Mar-05 09:16:47

Sounds very much to me like this is a big problem. If it is affecting you and your family like this and he can't see it he really does need help.

tastierladyhawk Sat 19-Mar-05 09:59:41

I think that it is a problem and is starting to affect your whole family life,can you talk to him about it?? how did his mother nip it in the bud before?

this is a tough one as he may feel that you are critising him,but at the same time his behaviour cant continue.Think you really need to talk and he needs to listen to your side of things xxx

mummytosteven Sat 19-Mar-05 10:41:09

agree with other posters that it is already a problem, as he is so dependent on it, and it already affecting your family life. maybe if you get some info on gamblers anonymous they might have a similar type of support/advice to families as al anon?

IHHR Sat 19-Mar-05 13:36:20

Thank you all for your posts. You've all be saying what I have been thinking, but not wanting to admit. He is sat now watching horseracing.

Tastierladyhawk, I really don't know how his mother nipped it in the bud, and, as I said earlier she is not interested in anyone at the minute, also, if I asked her she would both start interferring and then she would tell all the pub that her son has a gambling problem, whilst she is on her usual night out (7 days a week).

tastierladyhawk Sun 20-Mar-05 08:13:10

IHRH

MTS had a good idea could you contact gamblers anon as it would be good for you to have someone to talk to who understands what you are going through,and who can offer help and support to you.

sparklymieow Sun 20-Mar-05 08:19:52

A friend of mine's DH is like this, she had to take his bankcard away and give him "pocket money" he still gambles now tho....

Beetroot Sun 20-Mar-05 08:21:52

Message withdrawn

MeerkatsUnite Sun 20-Mar-05 09:08:07

IHHR,

I think he has a long established problem which in all likelihood started in his late teens or when he began working. His mum may have curtailed his gambling to some extent by controlling his finances but this measure has only had a short term effect, such measures may well need to be enforced by you for the rest of his life if you were to stay with him. His gambling addiction is certainly impacting on you all as a family now.

Here are some phone numbers:-

Gamcare 0845 6000 133

Gamanon 08700 50 88 80

This also has a website www.gamanon.org.uk

Both of these are specifically for family members of problem gamblers. You need help as a family too.

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