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how do you fnd time?

(9 Posts)
justamom Fri 11-Mar-05 14:21:16

my dh and i have been married uumm i think four years. We have two children. one from a previous relationship. well we never never have time for us. at all..my youngest is 21 months and up until just lately he has been so ill all the time..i mean really sick not just a cold...he is very attatched to me. i stay home with him. my oldest is eight. and she is really good with the baby.. well the problem is when my dh gets home my ds doesn't want my dh to love on me atleast not for very long...i feel as if everyone is attention starved except the baby... and that is all good...but by the time my dh and i get in the bed we are exhausted.. we try to flirt during the day lil kisses and pats on the butt but they always lead to nowhere and it is pretty depressing.. we are still pretty young 27 & 28 ( i'm the oldest )
also my ds can't go to other sitters because he has really bad allergies along with a pretty bad case of asthma if you are not watching pretty darn close... so we never have time alone..what to do...i feel like the only thing my husband and i have in common these days are the kids and bills..geez we are very much in love (i think) lol but how long can that stay that way if the only thing between two people is stress...?

karenanne Fri 11-Mar-05 14:32:46

hi justamom.life with kids and trying to be a couple is very hard i agree.how about making a nice meal for just you and dh after the kids have gone to bed,have a meal ,and wine and have a good chat together ,trying not to talk about everyday things ie the kids,money etc.lol.
or rent a film cosy up on the sofa just spending 'quality 'time together as adults rather than as parents will help.

chipmonkey Fri 11-Mar-05 14:42:13

when we had no babysitter, once a week I would cook a candlelit dinner for me and dh and we's eat in the dining room, not the kitchen and have a couple of glasses of wine. kids were told, this is mammy and daddy's night, go to bed, no ifs or buts!!

justamom Fri 11-Mar-05 15:43:48

thank you for the input, but where do you find the energy....by 9:00 i feel like i'm 88. pooped. also, i try on the weekend to let my dh have a lil manly time. you know to himself....one more thing, how in the world do you still feel sexy...?
i look in the mirror and thing dear lord, what happened? i mean i'm still in great shaped concidering, but makeup is almost a thing of the past and hair no time for that either...

chipmonkey Sat 12-Mar-05 00:07:44

Sorry for not getting back earlier justamom, my mum was in a similar situation years ago, my brother had been v. ill, could only take breastmilk for a long time, had pneumonia, meningitis, severe kidney infection before his 1st birthday, was breastfed in the end till he was 3. My mum didn't get to watch a TV program for years. Does you ds NEED extra attention or does he just demand it?

justamom Sat 12-Mar-05 02:50:39

actually we both want attention....all kinds...i just don't remember how..when i put forth effort i'm like "this is stupid just go to sleep"
no time....and oh DH, that's a joke all he needs is 1-2-3 strikes your out... so i guess sometimes it isn't worth the trouble maybe,,,i don't know...but .....never mind

bibiboo Sun 13-Mar-05 23:20:05

justamom, I only have dd but I know how you feel. Somedays if she sleeps for an hour in the morning, I have a quick shower, blow dry my hair, get dressed and put on make up as quickly as I can before she wakes, so I can feel and look normal again. It is a massive effort, but really worth it. DH had his 30th birthday last weekend and we had a big party - felt like a million dollars in my new dress and heels - probably loked like sh*t with bags under eyes and flabby stomach, but in my eyes I'd not looked that good in months!!!
All I can suggest, and I know this is easier said than done, is to MAKE time. Even if you're zonked, just one nice night together might get things back on track. So you'll be tired in the morning, but if you're like me, you'll be tired anyway, so you've got nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Good luck x

goreousgirl Sun 13-Mar-05 23:40:50

Justamom - are you in the financial position to get a babysitter in to play whilst you are in with dh? Would it work in your house? Basically the babysitter could play with ds - you'd still be able to keep an eye on things, but every so often, just go for a shower or a lie-down. Hard I know, but maybe worth it once a month instead of going out.. you'd still feel relaxed and in control, but get the break you need so much?!

justamom Mon 14-Mar-05 01:37:58

ds just started getting to really be around different people so a sitter has really been out of the question... but to bibiboo...gosh oh do i understand that one...even when i get dressed for a doctor's app. or something i look in the mirror and i am like who is this person in the mirror? i used to think i was pretty...sexy...and all that, now i'll settle for just rested..by the time i finish with dinner, clothes, baths, and you all that, i'm so over exhausted!!! i ask for help and that is soooooooo funny...!! Today, though i have to say was nice...we brought the children to the park and by then the lil one was tired so he road in the stroller and the 8 year old had a friend so she wasn't worried about us..LOL so DH came up behind me and HUGGED AND KISSED ME!!! It was wonderful...i felt like i was on a date with someone,,, and for a lil bit i forgot about all the "drama" and i was me...we held hands and smiled back and forth and really all that i needed at least for a lil while...but, i did get a bonus it's a good thing though i have a good memory though because i know that it'll have to do for a good while....

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