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Is it really bad that I'm not telling dh I am going to counselling?

(12 Posts)
HeyJude07 Fri 31-Oct-08 10:01:41

To cut a long story short, I had a rough adolescence that has left me with quite a few emotional issues. DH knows about this, and although he is a good man, thinks that I should just move on.

I have tried counselling before, and he was okay with it, but it was costing so much that I left. However now I am at a job where they offer free counselling sessions and I would like to give it a go.

If I tell dh then he will feel upset and ask why he isn't making me happy enough and that it is something else I am starting that I probably won't finish - I am quite known for that.

I don't think it is going to do any harm not telling him, but I feel bad lying if he asks where I have been.

Anyone here done something similar?

thisisyesterday Fri 31-Oct-08 10:08:27

I think that there is something wrong if you feel you need to hide it from him.
I can understand why you feel you need to, but then, he ought to be able to accept that this is something you need to do.

persoanlly I would tell him, and I would have a long talk about why you feel you need this and stuff.
it isn't anything to do with him not making you happy, it's about you coming to terms with your past, and that isn't something that he can necessarily help you with.
he needs to be supportive, not make you feel like you shouldn't be doing it.

Anna8888 Fri 31-Oct-08 10:11:01

No, it is fine to go to counselling and not tell your DH.

My DP went to counselling for quite a while without telling me, when we were first living together (I knew, however smile but never mentioned it to him that I did know). I'm not even sure when it stopped. But it helped him get used to me.

LoveBeingAMummy Fri 31-Oct-08 10:11:33

Agree with thisis, in fact you might find that your sessions end up talking about why you couldn't tell him!!!!!!

escape Fri 31-Oct-08 10:12:35

I agree that is not ideal to keep it from him
I do undersatnd totally why you would want to. you are making a positive move to resolving your personal issues. The last thing you want to hear is any kind of criticism about 'here we go again' or 'i'll believe it when i see it' ilk.
Get going, make progress and then tell him how well you are doing.

HeyJude07 Fri 31-Oct-08 10:18:04

Thanks for the responses, I agree escape, I think I might be able to tell him once I have had a couple of sessions.

He is just such a happy and optimistic person, with very little in his life that has gone wrong, I guess he just doesn't understand what happens to the way somebody is when something crap happens, iyswim.

toomanystuffedbears Fri 31-Oct-08 12:47:48

Just a note of caution.
IMHO, to tell or not would depend on what kind of person your husband is. Is he the sort that will throw it back in your face that you are some how an inferior person because you have/had counseling? I know counseling does not make a person inferior, but some people are completely irrational concerning mental health issues and will use it against you.
I am happy for you that you have self- awareness about your youth and are on the road to recovery.

MissisBoot Fri 31-Oct-08 12:50:15

I didn't tell dh when I first went to counselling - I felt it was something I needed to do alone - I told him about 6 sessions in.

milou2 Sat 01-Nov-08 23:24:25

I didn't tell my husband at first, but then I got braver and marked it down in my diary and marked the cheque stub more clearly as the sessions progressed.

4 years later..I'm having some more counselling and have been up front about it right from the start, proud that I have found someone I benefit from discussing things with.

solidgoldbrass Sat 01-Nov-08 23:27:53

If he's already been negative about you having counselling, then it's reasonable to have a session or two without telling him. He doesn't, after all, own your every thought, and you have a right to privacy. As others have said, the counsellor might help you address why it's difficult to tell your DP and then offer you suggestions on how to tell him and how to deal with his reaction.
Good luck.

brokenrecord Sat 01-Nov-08 23:27:58

I don't think it is bad at all, but think you would feel much better if you told him.

cantpickyourfamily Sat 01-Nov-08 23:32:38

I told exp when I went to counselling but did not tell him what I discussed when there.

But I have recently started counselling again and have not told him as we are not together at the moment.

Also have not told any of my family members as I know they will throw it back in my face at some stage.

If you would prefer not to tell him I do not see a problem with it as it seems as tho you having counselling makes him feel like he is not doing good enough for you as your husband. Maybe you should discuss this with your counsellor who can help you to decide if you will tell him at a later date.

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