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How do I ensure there is no favouritism between my Mum and MIL?

(9 Posts)
BoodleBoo Tue 28-Oct-08 21:28:19

Bit of an odd question and not the way round most people would expect I suspect! I have real hassles with the fact that both my Mum and MIL adore my DDs and love spending time with them but my MIL, who works with young children, is constantly favoured by my children. Whilst my Mum would never say anything I know it hurts her feelings. At a recent family gathering my Mum tried to help DD1 and she pushed her away and demanded my MIL.

The whole situation is not helped by the fact that my MIL is a very young 60 whilst my mum is over 70 and awaiting a hip replacement. When my Mum looks after my DDs she is down on the floor playing and taking them to parks etc etc all day and I am sure a lot of this is because she is conscious that MIL does stuff like this and she doesn't want to be the "old granny" who is perceived to be dull and boring.

I am sure that in time my DDs will appreciate just how loving and supportive my Mum is but I would love to be able to do something to help the situation.

It has got to the point where I really don't want to mix our families any more and this is not ideal.

Any ideas as to how I could help this situation?

AbbeyA Tue 28-Oct-08 21:46:07

It is a shame if it gets into a competition. It sounds as if your DDs are very young.
Can your mother spend more time with just one DD at a time? I say that because with young children one is easier and they could get to know each other better.

BoodleBoo Tue 28-Oct-08 21:58:48

Thanks for the response AbbeyA. I know it isn't a competition and it isn't something my Mum would ever bring up, I just feel for her as I can see it upsets her.

They are young, one and three, but there isn't much opportunity for her to be one on one with them as they live quite far away from us and they look after both of them occasionally whilst I work.

I have tried to say to my 3 year old that she needs to be fair and remember they both love her but I don't feel I can go beyond this as she doens't really understand or see that she is hurting my Mum's feelings.

AbbeyA Tue 28-Oct-08 22:09:09

It is tricky. I think the one to one would help. My DS1 was an only child for a long time and had a very good relationship with elderly relatives-he would sit and chat for ages with his very elderly great,great aunt. The younger 2 are very close in age and were always more exhausting and didn't sit and chat because they had each other to play with.
The 3 yr old is too young to understand. Try and get your mother to do the sorts of things that are fun but don't need energy-like reading stories.

cat64 Tue 28-Oct-08 22:09:56

Message withdrawn

deste Tue 28-Oct-08 22:11:55

When my DD was three she was the same with my sister. Now they text all the time and she loves her so much, it will change

BoodleBoo Tue 28-Oct-08 22:19:21

Thank you all for the reassurances. I know they will appreciate my Mum in time I guess I just want it all to be OK asap as I my family aren't known for their longevity!!

I will perhaps buy them some finger paints or something that they will love to do with my Mum

Flossish Tue 28-Oct-08 22:22:00

I have the opposite. I think my children prefer my mum who is older, DD does definately. DS recently said that my mum was younger that MIL - when in fact MIL is 12 years my mum's junior!! Keep meaning to tell my mum that - how about that for a compliment! [fgrin][

TwoFoggy Wed 29-Oct-08 08:17:48

Can you find a special thing that only each Granny does, eg when old enough your mum could take dds to the cinema (MIL is then Never allowed to take them to the cinema, its not her special treat), while MIL takes them swimming (her special treat). Make sure they both have a fab special thing, and as the children get older it will be much easier

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