Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

So, my husband has finally admitted he is an alcoholic

(6 Posts)
Proudbutscared Mon 27-Oct-08 03:23:00

I am a (semi) regular poster but would like to keep confidential for this one, but could do with some help.

I have been with my DH for 9 years, married for 5. He has always been a heavy drinker and we have always drunk together. Around a year ago he made the decision that he would attempt to significantly cut down and control it, which he did, for the most part. We have had some drunken nights, but he has mainly been pretty good, although he would normally drink 1 bottle of wine per night, but between say 7.00 and 10.30. I knew though, that this was a struggle.

He holds down a demanding job which he hates (but pays very well which is why he hasn't left - I would happily have him earn nothing if he was happy) and generally "functions" well. He can hold it together at work dos and with our friends.

I went away this weekend for the first time in ages and I could tell something was wrong.

When I got back, my DH said he had basically spent the whole weekend either asleep or drunk, including going to bed at 5am on Sunday morning, waking at 10 and then drinking 2 glasses of wine before going back to bed.

He said that he realises that he is no longer in control, phoned AA and went to his first meeting last night, and second at lunch time today.

So basically, I just need to know what I should be doing. I think he should have some counselling as he gets quite anxious about things as well and is very much a perfectionist.

He is a wonderful man and I am so proud of him for facing his demon, but am also scared. What if he fails? Where will that leave him? And us?

I have given up drinking too, to help (I'm not that bothered one way or another) but I would like to make sure I am doing the right things and helping as far as I can.

Thank you if you have read this far.

solidgoldskullonastick Mon 27-Oct-08 06:05:23

I am pretty sure that AA have a support group for the relatives/partners of alcoholics, it might be worth contacting them. Good luck to your DH and to you as well.

ClaudiaSchiffer Mon 27-Oct-08 06:18:13

Good of him to finally admit it Proudbutscared. It sounds like you are trying to help him all you can. Al Anon is the family support group link here.

Good luck x

Proudbutscared Mon 27-Oct-08 06:31:50

Thank you - I have found an Al Anon meeting that I'm going to tomorrow.

I am so proud of him - he's off to a "beginners" meeting this evening and actually seems quite enthused about it at the moment.

I'm off home now but will check in again tomorrow.

Thanks for your messages.

feetheart Mon 27-Oct-08 07:13:08

Well done to your DH and to you for supporting him, admitting that he has a problem is a very big thing.

Al Anon is brilliant though feels a bit weird and 'cult-like' to start with. Don't let that put you off as the people there know EXACTLY what you are going through in a way that no-one else possibly could.
Both DH and I gained a HUGE amount from going (it was a close relative that is the alcoholic) even though the alcoholic in our lives hadn't admitted the problem at the time.

Good luck to you both.

Proudbutscared Mon 27-Oct-08 10:38:00

Thank you, He went to a meeting tonight and then we had a nice meal - he's still "excited but scared" in his words.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: