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Feeling rather crappish

(12 Posts)
auntydoris Sat 25-Oct-08 01:06:12

I posted this in the weight loss area but don't think there is anyone there just now. Just had a conversation with DH whereby he admitted that my extra weight (still have about a stone to lose, dd is 13 months) is a turn off. I am wishing he'd put it better (ie not related it to the bedroom etc) and am depressed as I thought he wasn't superficial like that. I actually thought he'd fancy me even if I am a bit overweight and to be honest when friends told me their DH had criticised their weight I thought their menfolk were total shits. But now I am feeling like I never want to eat again (I will, don't worry) - so I think maybe it will work as a motivating factor for me. Does this make sense to anyone? Am feeling a bit rubbish.

Tortington Sat 25-Oct-08 01:06:59

i answeed the other one

mumoverseas Sat 25-Oct-08 13:19:01

is he THAT perfect himself then? What an arse! I do hope he didn't mean it like that but how hurtful of him. I was 2 stone overweight when our DD was two and I'm now pregnant again so god knows how overweight I'll be after this one. I'd be gutted if my husband made a comment like that.
You've done well to lose most of your weight already and a stone is nothing really. Don't feel rubbish, feel motivated, lose the 'extra' weight and then don't let him come near you in the bedroom and say you don't fancy him anymore! good luck

TheProvincialLady Sat 25-Oct-08 13:22:41

Is he a perfect weight himself, and toned from lots of workouts at the gym? I doubt it and yet somehow you can bring yourself to fancy him. A stone overweight is really not that much and TBH I would question his feelings for you if he is so put off by such a minor change in your appearance. Does he realise how this makes you feel, ie have you told him?

OrmIrian Sat 25-Oct-08 13:31:35

Auntydoris - It must have been hurtful.

But I have to say that since my DH has put on weight (quite a lot since quitting the fags) I do find him less physically attractive. I don't think I'm superficial, and I still love him and like being with him. And we still have sex regularly but if he as to ask me for perfect honesty I'd have to tell him he should try to lose a bit. Which is why I hope he never asks me to ber perfectly honest blush Will I stop loving him? No.

If you want to lose weight then do so, for you. Not for him.

ActingNormal Sat 25-Oct-08 14:31:04

What a bastard, I'm sorry sad. Has his body had to do the exhausting and stressful and 'busting apart' job of growing a baby for 9 months then pushing it out then producing milk? - No! And to produce his child. He should be in AWE of what your body has done! I bet you look great! I hate how society sees a bit of extra flesh as 'imperfection'. I prefer people to have something more interesting than 'straight up and down' (which is what I've got and I look an utter drip!).

My DH has a bit of a wobbly extra belly and I love it! The last man I fancied considered himself to be overweight and couldn't understand why I fancied him and I felt really sad that he had to feel like that because of the media's 'teachings' about what we 'should' find attractive. People thought I was 'weird' to fancy him but f*ck it, I'm not going to be ashamed of what I like just because it is not 'fashionable'. Out of the women I know, the one I find most attractive has extra weight, proper curves and big t*ts but she is really 'exotic'.

I'm sorry if this is not helpful and you just think I'm weird, but I hate it how society makes people feel crap about their bodies if they don't fit a highly specific model and crap about being mothers because they haven't got a fancy job title and aren't getting directly paid lots of money.

ToughDaddy Sat 25-Oct-08 16:51:05

Not very thoughtful/subtle is your hubby as everyone else has said. This needs to be fed back to him, clearly!

Otherwise, is there any chance to do exercise as a couple? e.g. do you belong to gym that has a crèche? Or can you sneak a game of indoor tennis or squash once a week. Would help you (re)bond and he will see that you are putting in the effort.

But keep eating sensibly as starving just leads is counter-productive as the body adjusts the metabolic rate to hoard more food.

Most of all start acting confident. Tell your hubby that if he doesn't appreciate you then others might!

auntydoris Mon 27-Oct-08 10:24:05

thanks so much for all responses - I haven't had a chance to check as ironically have had DH's family staying for few days (so am having to keep up appearances!). But it almost makes me want to cry reading them. You all talk such sense.

He isn't perfect at all and would admit that - he asked me - whether I would fancy him more if he lost a stone? And I told him honestly, I don't really notice that. I did say that I hate it when he comes to bed stinking from playing footie and he was all kind of "well there we go then" but as I pointed out - a shower is a pretty simple solution but losing a stone for me is a pretty hard graft!

I suppose ultimately I feel dissapointed in him - as I thought he was a stronger person than to be so concerned with (relatively minor) changes in appearance - particularly, as Actingnormal said, when I have had a baby (not just eating the pies for no reason). But on the other hand I know I would be happier to lose the weight, and I prefer me a bit slimmer - so maybe I am just as bad!
Actingnormal - I don't think you are weird at all, sounds like a very good life philosophy to me tho I bet you do not look like a drip!

Anyway, I've told him "no touching" for the moment, and he's told me he's gutted and wish he'd never said anything - tho to be honest, I have no sympathy! And I am now totally determined to lose the weight and when that happens we will see if I want to welcome him back to my new fab (hopefully) bod.

Finally, we are now enrolled for a run before Christmas so will both be doing that together, tho tend to train separately so its not really a joint exercise - but we do do stuff together. I feel as though something has been lost from our relationship (I thought he totally adored me) but maybe if I can use it to my advantage I'll win in the end...
anyway, thanks so much for responses.

OLIVIASMAMA Mon 27-Oct-08 11:05:24

Hey AD, don't forget the men in our lives aren't quite as sensitive as us and certainly not diplomatic. Don't take it too much to heart - I'm sure he adores you.

I too have baby weight to lose although I can't keep on calling it baby weight as DD is 13 months old too. Mine is sheer happiness, contentment and liziness on the diet front. I know my DH would fancy me much more if I lost the 2 stone I need to and I would feel much better too, he loves me though and I'm sure you know that of your DH. I agree that your DH could have given it a little thought before he launched in to his words of wisdon (!) but dont be too down.

Just to say it again ...... I'm sure he does adore you.....LOL at the "no touching" tho, like your style!

hammouhouseofhorror Mon 27-Oct-08 11:34:28

My H liked me with more weight on and has not been massively supportive now I've lost it..had some comments about my top half and sulky pouting about it shrinking..sometimes it bothers me and sometimes I think 'f**kit I feel fantastic'. (sorry) But you just can't win.

Do it for yourself though auntydoris, even if his comment motivates you. If you are comfortable with how you look other peoples comments are less likely to bother you.

Unfortunately as I don't want to put the weight back on the comment is always at the back of my mind when he does pay me a compliment. Which is his loss in a way.

hammouhouseofhorror Mon 27-Oct-08 11:37:25

My H liked me with more weight on and has not been massively supportive now I've lost it..had some comments about my top half and sulky pouting about it shrinking..sometimes it bothers me and sometimes I think 'f**kit I feel fantastic'. (sorry) But you just can't win.

Do it for yourself though auntydoris, even if his comment motivates you. If you are comfortable with how you look other peoples comments are less likely to bother you.

Unfortunately as I don't want to put the weight back on the comment is always at the back of my mind when he does pay me a compliment. Which is his loss in a way.

auntydoris Tue 28-Oct-08 15:15:55

so right hammou - definately need to do it for myself. And thanks oliviasmama - I think you are right about men being rubbish at anything sensitive. I prob shouldn't take it so to heart, but I am a girlie after all! thanks guys xx

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