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Is having a secret crush good for your love life?

(17 Posts)
Monkeytrousers Thu 23-Oct-08 20:44:15

With your DH or DP I mean. Not the one you have the crush on.

Does it make you that bit more - horrible word - horny?

I have found this in the past, though obvioulsy it wouldn;t be a good thing to admit to ones partner.

BitOfFun Thu 23-Oct-08 20:48:13

Hmm, can't see it myself. Maybe if it was a celebrity you could make your partner dress up as during sex...Johnny Depp Pirate Sex? grin

gingerninja Thu 23-Oct-08 20:57:45

I think it depends on the level of crush we're talking. Not sure a full on 'touch of the shys' when you're near them type of thing would benefit a relationship but an open school girl crush on someone (say a celeb) who is totally unavailable might be OK.

The dressing up as Jonny Depp sounds just plain off putting to me. The thought of DH dressing up to fulfil my fantasy doesn't do it [shudder]

mustrunmore Thu 23-Oct-08 20:58:49

Of course it helps!

Knax Thu 23-Oct-08 21:00:53

Maybe I'm weird but I usually tend to have some secret crush or other on the go... Doesn't everyone?

gingerninja Thu 23-Oct-08 21:06:18

I think it depends if it remains a crush or becomes more of an obsession though and who it's with. How much time thinking about the other person are you talking about? if it's just a sexual thing then I'd say fair enough but if you're thinking about the other person at other times I'd say it was more than a crush. Out of interest, what would you think if you found out your DH had a secret crush? I guess that's how I'd measure it's impact on your relationship

Knax Thu 23-Oct-08 21:09:55

Gutted if My DH had one obviously! That's different grin grin

BitOfFun Thu 23-Oct-08 21:29:28

GingerNinja - was only joking about the [[ pirate sex]], it wouldn't do much for me either!

BitOfFun Thu 23-Oct-08 21:30:32

pirate sex even...

Monkeytrousers Thu 23-Oct-08 21:36:37


I new the moral bit would come into it. The thing is, you can't help fancying people. I think it's quite natural for your partner to fancy someone else sometimes - whether they admiot it or not. How could they not? It isn';t immoral to fancy someone, just to betray someone. It might be immoral to tell your partner that you really fancied soemone else too. And I'm just talking crush, a passing crush, not obsession. If you're obsessed with someone else you are probably going to be making your other half demented.

pulsar Thu 23-Oct-08 21:37:43

I tend to agree. A crush here or there helps at work and at home. Brightens the day further and is not a real threat to home life.

BitOfFun Thu 23-Oct-08 21:38:05

So 'fess up MT...what's the story?

Monkeytrousers Thu 23-Oct-08 21:41:28

Oh no story. I have had the odd crush over the years and it has helped sometimes in the feeling more frisky department is all. I;ve never imagined being with someone, actually having sex with someone else when with DP - or exDP now (we split for other reasons not this).

I found I only had such crushes when me and DP were in pretty miserable periods though. I defo saw people I found attractive all the time but only ever fancied them if DP was being a twat really. And they were always unatainable - I am wired for monogamy.

gingerninja Thu 23-Oct-08 22:05:01

Well you asked if it was good for a relationship. I don't think I was taking a moral high ground I didn't say no you shouldn't think about other people under any circumstance did I? Surely a balance of replies are what you want when you ask a question or you may as well not bother hmm Of course it's natural for us to find more than one person attractive but I do think it can impact on a relationship when you start adding a third person into the emotional mix which I think a crush does. For you it was an emotional response to unhappy circumstances which presumably helped you regain your relationship. I don't think those are the same circumstances as the ones suggested in your OP though which is where I was coming from.

southeastalien Thu 23-Oct-08 22:42:56

oh yes it's vital.

Monkeytrousers Fri 24-Oct-08 08:07:07

I didn't ask if it was good for your realtionship - I aksed if it was good for your sex life

I am not attacking your reply. I am acceopting it with all the others. I am trying to keep things lite, hence the titter

gingerninja Fri 24-Oct-08 15:55:21

Sorry MT, I obviously misunderstood. You did say you'd never imagined actually having sex with someone else when with DP which made me think it was more a relationship thing than a sexual thing.

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