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40 yr old bachelor needs some advice!

(635 Posts)
saracenandy Tue 21-Oct-08 15:12:11


Can you help? I seem to have long term problems developing relationships with women. I consider myself attractive, active, fit, successful in sport (ex pro rugby player) and business (MD of my own company) but am increasingly frustrated with women I have relationships with. Most do not last more than 3 months.

After a number of initial successes over the years, the ladies have soon lost interest or they just play extraordinary games. I have Tourette's, epilepsy and echopraxia, and when women discover this it seems to be the catalyst for ending what we have, even after things are going swimmingly. BTW my condition does not involve spontaneous profanities or major fits, and I do not consider myself a liability, just in case you wanted to go there! In most respects I consider myself normal. :-)

I have a very comfortable lifestyle but my generosity is often abused. I do not consider myself needy or emotional. I'm not flashy or advertise my wealth. I'm just a sound guy with lots to offer the right woman, so why is it all so difficult?

For instance, my current girlfriend problem is unusual even by my standards. She is 40 also, photographer, beautiful, very sexy, lots of fun, GSOH, and after 6 months I have fallen in love. Trouble is there is no intimacy between us. Last time we snogged was in May, and we've never slept together. She claims she has old-fashioned values, which translates as "I have to submit to her every whim, pay for everything, be at her beck and call, only go out or see each other on her terms etc, etc". Thing is, I don't succumb to her needs, yet she always keeps bouncing back thinking there's nothing wrong, when I tell her its over.

Is it me, or do women of my age not know the word compromise, and don't want to understand me?

Any thoughts or suggestions appreciated.

needmorecoffee Tue 21-Oct-08 15:17:31

How did you find mumsnet?

poshbloodencrustedwellies Tue 21-Oct-08 15:19:30

All I'm going to say is...hmm

Oliveoil Tue 21-Oct-08 15:20:39

are you Will Carling?

saracenandy Tue 21-Oct-08 15:21:22

To needmorecoffee: -

Found a link in timesonline.

MascaraOHara Tue 21-Oct-08 15:22:36


maybe you should try a dating site not a parenting site

saracenandy Tue 21-Oct-08 15:22:49

To oliveoil: -

Fortunately not. WC is one of rugby's biggest assholes!

MascaraOHara Tue 21-Oct-08 15:23:14

there are lots with message boards and wholly more appropriate than here

thesockmonsterofdoom Tue 21-Oct-08 15:23:53

What exactley are you asking us, if all women are cowbag bitches, well yes.
why your girlfriend wont sleep with you - see above.

needmorecoffee Tue 21-Oct-08 15:24:21

well, there's always me but I demand a man who will be full time carer to dd2.
And who likes camping grin

lulumama Tue 21-Oct-08 15:24:32

well, she is not really your girlfriend, if she is someone you have kissed once and not slept with.. you are in love ? or in love with the idea of being in love as on paper she sounds perfect.

if you keep responding after telling her it is over, no wodner she carries on 'abusing' your generosity

you need a clean break and a new girlfriend, where you are both on an equal footing

what is echopraxia?

maybe you have been unlucky in the women you ahve met

what is it you want and is it at odds with what they have wanted?

lulumama Tue 21-Oct-08 15:25:20

good god, so every man who posts here is looking for a shag?? hmm

why not ask MN ? get some straight talking at the very least!

saracenandy Tue 21-Oct-08 15:25:40

To mascaraohara: -

After reading the other threads in "Relationships", this seems the ideal advice centre. Perhaps you need to read some!

But I would like to be a dad some day.

RubyShivers Tue 21-Oct-08 15:25:52

<<aw i love lulu>>

Kathyis6incheshigh Tue 21-Oct-08 15:26:30

OK, I'll tell you where you're going wrong.
Far too many references to money in that post (successful in business, comfortable lifestyle, don't advertise wealth, have to pay for everything).
Although you claim not to be flashy, you are clearly sending out all the wrong messages - your post reads like 'I am rich and attractive. Love me!' rather than 'I'm a decent bloke who will love you.'

I don't know where you're meeting these girls, but I think you should disguise yourself as a common man and go and do some volunteering or community work until you meet a simple maid who will love you for yourself.

poshbloodencrustedwellies Tue 21-Oct-08 15:26:44

Popcorn anyone?

lucykate Tue 21-Oct-08 15:26:54

unless you have children with threadworms/nits or potty training issues, i'm not sure this is the forum for you

StayFrostyShiversDownMySpine Tue 21-Oct-08 15:27:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MascaraOHara Tue 21-Oct-08 15:27:14

I'm sorry why should I need to read some?

RubyShivers Tue 21-Oct-08 15:28:08

this sounds trite but for someone to understand you, YOU need to understand yourself

i would not stand for an utterly non-intimate relationship with someone who "abused" my generosity

I think Kathy's advice is very sound

MascaraOHara Tue 21-Oct-08 15:29:03

lulumama: I'm not suggesting that at all.. but there is no reference to children etc.. his only connection to parenting is that he might like children one day...

there are lots of dating sites that have message boards where men and women from all different backgrounds can discuss this sort of thing

it's odd if you ask me..

WideWebWitch Tue 21-Oct-08 15:29:07

I agree, this woman is not your girlfriend as there's no sex involved. And Kathyissixincheshigh has a point about your post. I think you need to tell us more about WHY you're not sleeping with her - has she said she's not interested? If so, erm, she's not! Can you ask HER why she doesn't want a relationship with you and ask her to be honest?

I think it's fair enough for this man to ask for advice here - no-one's obliged to post to him!

lulumama Tue 21-Oct-08 15:31:23

<<i love you rooooooby! need to tell you what i bough DB andDSILto be for their engagement>>

ok, i am too sweet and nice then !

i agree with kathy, money should not be the defining factor

money is transient.. credit crunch/recession, anyone? so, you know you need a woman who loves you and you need to love yourself , regardless of teh size of your wallet.

MN been in teh news recently, so maybe new people are logging on..

RubyShivers Tue 21-Oct-08 15:32:40

<<Lulu - ooh yes - will call you laters, mwah>>

saracenandy Tue 21-Oct-08 15:33:32

Lulumama, thanks for your words. Try wikipedia for a useful description of echopraxia.

I am a simple guy who wants: -

a) To get married some day (but I'm patient)

b) loads of fun, laughter, romance, great holidays, someone to share my success, respect, is the list endless?!

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