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I have asked dp to leave after 10 years together..

(22 Posts)
Quadrophenia Fri 17-Oct-08 23:32:15

the enormity of it all keeps hitting me like a sledgehammer. I know it is for the best but I keep getting an overwhelming feeling of panic, it would be so much easier to just let him stay, I know I can't, I will only find myself in this position again in the future. Oh i know I'm incoherently rambling but I need some reassurnace that I'm doing the right thing as I'm scared shit =less of dealing with these emotions. We have four wonderful children aged from 5 to 8, I'm so scared of what this will do to them but know equally that growing up in a volatile environment is rubbish for them. The truth is that as individuals there is just no love left and complete lacck of respect on both parts but as a family unit we are like the waltons, it is just so sad that it had to come to this sad

BoysAreLikeZombies Fri 17-Oct-08 23:34:00


BetteNoire Fri 17-Oct-08 23:43:20

Quad sad.
Change is always scary.
Try and keep your eyes on the future, where you will both be happy individuals, whilst remaining the great parents that you have always been.
The children will be fine with a happy mum and dad.

Quadrophenia Fri 17-Oct-08 23:45:52

I don't think i'm someone that deals with any kind of change particularly well which is obviously not helping. I'm okay if i don't think too much, have an overhwelming amount of rl support but finding it hard to open up sad

Quadrophenia Fri 17-Oct-08 23:46:10

thansk btw smile

solidgoldskullonastick Fri 17-Oct-08 23:48:18

Poor you. It will get better. Putting an end to a relationship that is either dead or seriously toxic can feel like someone just removed a breezeblock from your chest: suddenly you won't find yourself questioning your every move or supressing yourself or DC because your partner might cry or sulk or kick you in the head.

Quadrophenia Fri 17-Oct-08 23:51:12

I really hope so, in some ways because the decision is made i do feel like some pressure has been lifted (allbeit replaced by another) spend two days this week mooching around in my pj's would never have done that before. he hasn't actually moved out yet as financially it is difficult, think we are looking at a couple of more weeks until he goes sad

FAQ Fri 17-Oct-08 23:58:03

oh Quad {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}} - you're not far from me are you?? (or am I getting you mixed up with someone else?)

Quadrophenia Fri 17-Oct-08 23:59:08

no i am who you think iam grin thanks for the hug smile

FAQ Sat 18-Oct-08 00:09:08

well if you want to bring the kids over (either bus or car - don't know if you drive grin) some time we could go and have coffee at Morrisons (sadly that's the best place for coffee round here that isn't ridiculously over priced or chavvy lol) I'd be more than welcome.

Not been that long (6 months) since I split with exH we were together 9yrs so I know how hard it is

(oh and as you're who I think you are my exH is living in your town now lol)

Quadrophenia Sat 18-Oct-08 00:12:01

that would be lovely, morrisons is good with me, I have had coffee in one or two morrisons in the past although admittedly not the one where you live! It's good to see you coming out the other side of your situation it gives me some inspiration smile

Tortington Sat 18-Oct-08 00:14:08

wow v. impressed at your strength

FAQ Sat 18-Oct-08 00:18:04

well I had lots of help from MNers (shelleylou in particular who I still speak/see to regularly in RL) from when I split with exH the least I can do is offer some of my support to a "local" MN going through the same smile.

Actually - just looked at your profile - you DC are in school aren't they?

I could come over on the bus with DS3 next week and we could meet for coffee during the day if you like (my first taste of a "whole" day of being able to do stuff in 1 and a bit yrs - as DS2 starts school full time on Monday, having been part time so far, and being part time at nursery last year). (I'm presuming you're not currently working or only working part-time if you spent 2 days mooching round in your PJ's - I don't work and can't mooch in mine envy

Quadrophenia Sat 18-Oct-08 00:18:15

I range from feeling incredibly strong to a jibbering wreck. i think i've dealt with this so many times in my head I saw it coming along time ago, we ahve never really been a good match and have fought hard to keep things togetehr but we both know we don't make eachother happy am tired from the fight.

Quadrophenia Sat 18-Oct-08 00:20:45

yeah come over here that would be lovely, we could go for coffee in the park in Abington which would be on your bus ride in. I am free on tuesday and wednesday next week so let me know when suits you, are you on facebook, may be easier to arange on there?

twinsetandpalls Sat 18-Oct-08 00:22:05

I am sorry to hear this, I am going through similar but lack your courage to make the decision that clearly needs to be made. I am glad FAQ can offer real life supprt.

Quadrophenia Sat 18-Oct-08 00:23:49

twinset i could drag up years of threads where I lacked the courage i feel now, i never thought I would get to this point, you will get there smile am sorry to hear your situation is pants.

FAQ Sat 18-Oct-08 00:26:07

yes I'm on facebook - but while you're probably on my friends list I don't know "who" you are blush

ooooo you're in walking distance to Abington Park - you must live fairly close to exH lol (lucky you wink) he's in the bit between Kettering Road and The Mounts.

Quadrophenia Sat 18-Oct-08 00:28:22

how wierd thats just where dp has found a flat shock
yeah I live close to the park its a really nice bit of town to live in.
Am not on your facebook yet but will look for you on the mumsnet group and request you

twinsetandpalls Sat 18-Oct-08 00:29:18

thanks, hope things start to look brighter for you.

FAQ Sat 18-Oct-08 00:31:47

if you look on the "if you want MumsNet Friends Add yourself here" I'm on there (easier than trawling through the "What's your MN name" one lol

Quadrophenia Sat 18-Oct-08 00:32:14

cool, will have a look now

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