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DH not telling me the truth - again. Need advice please.

(5 Posts)
RaspberryBlower Fri 17-Oct-08 19:47:48

Sp DH tells me he's going out for a drink with the boys next week and I happen to meet his friend in the street who lets slip they're all going to DH's ex girlfriend's for dinner and drinks. I don't think this woman's a threat to me but I don't particularly like her because she hung around (and all over) him when we were first going out. But that was years ago. DH says he doesn't like her either. So, he's obviously not telling me because he thinks I'll get a strop on about it. The thing is that DH has been caught out lying to me before, which was something much more serious and came close to splitting us up. It took me a long time to get over it and I told him I needed honesty from now on. I told him there was nothing he could do which was worse to me than lying straight to my face. Now he's lying straight to my face! I think I should confront him about it but how should I approach it? It's hardly the crime of the century, but at the same time, I don't know how I can have a relationship with someone I can't trust to be truthful with me. Am I being naive to expect honesty or should I let this go?

bubblagirl Fri 17-Oct-08 19:57:04

i wouldnt let it go otherwise what do you believe

just mention bumped into said friend who mentioned you all going to ex for dinner and ask calmly why he didnt tell you

say i may not like the idea of you going but i find you lying to me worse

we agreed honesty and thats what i expect whether i like it or not being honest is whats more important

my dp would probably do the same due to not upsetting me etc not wanting the hassle of me not liking it but i would rather not like it than be lied to as i would feel less insecure being told the truth as wouldnt feel his hiding anything from me

good luck

TheWheelsOnTheBusHaveFallenOff Fri 17-Oct-08 20:01:14

Bubblagirl speaks sense. I would also suggest you tell your dp that when he lies and you find out, it annoys you simply because it makes YOU look stupid. my dh used to do this about smoking, he'd given up and caved in a couple of times for a cigar. i really didn't mind that he'd had a smoke, it was that he was obviously telling people not to tell me .. made me look like the little woman / shrewish wife at home when I'd rather he'd fessed up - particularly as I didn't see it as a problem! in the way that you clearly don't see your dp going to the ex's house with other people as a problem in itself, it's when he starts lying about it that you think hmm

RaspberryBlower Fri 17-Oct-08 20:03:11

Yes, thank you, that's exactly how I feel actually. It's the principle of it isn't it?

bubblagirl Fri 17-Oct-08 20:04:59

it is my ex used to do this all the time and then when i got angry see i knew you'd react like this and not get the fact i was only acting like that due to the lying not the whhere he was going

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