I'm 35 years old and have had a terrible relationship with my mother since I was about 11. She remarried when I was 13, had a second child and basically froze me out. She was particularly nasty to me for years and eventually threw me out when I was 17.
I made a success of my life, went to uni, got a career and am now very happily married. By contrast, she is alone and miserable. She has no friends other than work colleagues and has no social life, just watches TV.
That's a very simplistic account of the situation.
When I got married, she wanted to give me away and became very upset when I asked a male friend to do the honours instead. I just didn't want her to do it, I didn't think she had the right. Now I'm expecting a baby and she wants us "to be close". I'm trying my best, but the bottom line is that I can't stand this woman. She might be my biological mother but she is difficult and although not as nasty as she used to be, I feel she could turn nasty at any second (she usually changes and becomes very arrogant if she has a new boyfriend).
My friends have made the accurate observation that "she's nevr been there for you but wants to be there for all the good bits, like when you get married and have babies". I think she's jealous that I've found happiness, I truly wish she could find it too.
I feel particularly tetchy at the moment because it's mother's day this weekend. I hate the charade I have to go through every year. Just because someone is your mother, it doesn't mean you have to like them, right? I mean, I would never choose her as a friend, in fact, if I had to work with her, I'd need to sit on the other side of the room.
I feel so guilty that I should be very forgiving and give her a chance to be my mother, even if it's just for the baby's sake, but I just can't find it in my heart. How can I stop feeling so bad? I've already had lots of counselling, which helps to some extent.
Does anyone else feel this way?
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
I just don't like my mother
20 replies
mogwai · 05/03/2005 14:14
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.