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Farmer husband does nothing around home

(7 Posts)
countrychic Tue 14-Oct-08 01:24:04

What do I do about this?? Yes the farm makes our only source of income and I help on the farm and run a household and three young kids. But my husband just doesn't seem to care about anything to do with the home. It isn't 'a priority'. He leaves his dishes on the table, crumbs on the floor and bench, clothing on floor, could walk past the rubbish bags for days without taking them to the bin. Lets the recycling bottels and papers build up until I have to ask again. Does not seem to be able to see anything that needs doing without me having to ask. Dishes could be piled up for two days and unless I ask him to unpack the dishwasher, they would stay that way. I do all the tidying, washing, folding, organise kids for school with lunches, readers, notes etc. I mow all the lawns, to the garden, get the mail and do all household repairs. If I want it done I have to do it myself. Or ask and hope that one day in the next month it will get done. It usually does not unless I continue to ask. We have discussed this issue continuously over the years and he openly says he has no idea why he is like he is. That does not help me though.
Anyone else have one of these husbands??

RuthChan Tue 14-Oct-08 08:00:56

Sorry to hear about your situation, but it sounds like your husband is a fairly typical example of the male of the species!
My DH does more around the house than yours does, but he too seems to be 'blind' to various chores that blatently need doing. Also I find that even the things he does do are usually rather later than I would prefer. We have different ideas about timing.

It sounds from your thread as though you have discussed the matter and that your DH admits there may be a problem. Is that true?
If so, would it be possible for you to write a list of chores etc and divide them between yourselves? Maybe if he had a set list of things to do he would find it easier. Men often find it hard to see what needs doing around the house; they have different standards to women. It would also take the strain off you having to ask all the time. (I know how stressful that can be for both of you!)
If your DCs are old enough, maybe some of the lighter chores can be allocated to them too...

Anna8888 Tue 14-Oct-08 08:19:33


I think you need to work on him at least looking after himself and clearing up his own mess (before getting him to look after the children). Dishes and crumbs on the table, crumbs, clothing on the floor is all totally unacceptable. Try to focus on him at least not making such a big mess.

TheMadHouse Tue 14-Oct-08 08:22:50

I think part of the issue with men is that they need to be told.

DH is great, but we have a routine and he know what he needs to do - he is also aware of what I do and if I am unwell will at least do the basics.

His jobs

AM - before work.
Empty dishwasher and put away
Feed cat

PM after work
Clean cat litter
Empty kitchen bin
Sort recyling
bath children

I have a basic list of the PC of everything for each day so he knows

FioFio Tue 14-Oct-08 08:24:10

Message withdrawn

lilymolly Tue 14-Oct-08 08:24:50

Are you my neighbour??????? grin

God all farmers must be the same.

I have a theory- They usually lived at home till quite late- their mum who didnt work away from home- fed them home cooked meals and cleaned up after them

Am I close?????
Its gonna be a hard habit to break

If you are not my neighbour, then do what she did..........get a job away from home and get a cleaner.

Not much help. but best of british luck x

TheMadHouse Tue 14-Oct-08 08:54:11

You know what I married a farmers son and it is definatly not true. My FIL is really tidy and good at cleaning and that is why I think my DH understands that we are a partnership and he has to pull his weight.

Let him know what you expect of him. Write it down, expect him to tell you everytime he has done something (all men do this - I have washed the dishes dear grin) and priase him for doing it.

It will become second nature for him

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