Falling really badly for gorgeous total stranger??? *long, sorry *

[Portmeirion]

Namechanger

So the title says it all.

A few weeks ago I was in the park with DS, and there was this chap sitting on the grass with a model plane. DS watches him flying it completely fascinated, and the bloke saw this and then looked up and smiled at me, then he said to DS, Here, do you want a go? And he let DS fly this plane and fetch it back a few times.

After a bit he said he had to go, and stood up, and DS wanted to carry on playing with the plane, and he smiled at me again and said Sorry, is he going to hassle you to buy him one now? Then went off.

Pushed DS on the swings a bit, and then went for a coffee. It was busy and I'm looking around for somewhere to sit, and who do I see...yes, Model Plane Boy there already. DS saw him too and ran over, so I went over to get him back and MPB said we should sit there because he was going and we could have his table and sofa. He looked very pointedly at both my hands, checking for rings, then he asked if he could buy my coffee!!

Did I mention I really fancied him? He isn't my usual type at all, I like beefy rugby player types and he's thin and quite geeky looking but very good looking. Blond with big grey eyes but he has this lovely manner about him - stands up when I come in, listens without interrupting, and never takes his eyes off me. His name is Joel. I even like his name.

I had to get DS to nursery (he does afternoons) so had to go. J is out of work at the moment - he had meningitis and then got something else in hospital, so he lost a lot of weight and then while he was off work they laid him off. He doesn't care because he claimed on his insurance and had a lump sum, but he still gets tired easily. He sort of flops gratefully into chairs and then hardly moves, just lounges around looking chilled.

Anyway I couldn't see him because of work and stuff and also I don't want to see him with DS tagging along, getting attached to someone who might not be sticking around (anyone basically). But last week he rang me and we spent 3 HOURS on the phone! He has an older half-brother - his dad married his mum when she had a boy from a previous relationship so I guess he's not fazed by DS.

We got together yesterday (DS had a party) and had a lovely couple of hours - tea and chat outside on a sunny autumn day. He made a paper aeroplane for me to take home for DS which I thought was sweet. He says the most charming things in a very innocent way. He asked me if the coat I had on was expensive and when I said no he said Well you make it look expensive. He said he let DS play with the plane because then I'd have to talk to him...

He wants to take me out for dinner this Friday but I can't get a babysitter - I don't know many people round here except other mums from nursery who'd be in the same boat. Also I am thinking Wait a minute, he doesn't have a job, I don't know him, I don't know anyone who knows him and although I've got his phone number I don't even know where he lives. Why hasn't he got a GF? He says he broke up with someone last year. All I know is what he's told me.

Basically he is an almost total stranger but I can't stop thinking about him, I feel like we really connected on the phone and I really, really want to sleep with him (haven't had sex for ~2 years and I even told him that...)...I've been having very detailed dirty thoughts about him . But I don't know what to say about Friday, if I say no because of the babysitter, will he not bother again?

So am I being really rash? At times I think maybe that's what he does? Maybe he's a paedo who picks up single mums in parks? Or am I being paranoid?

[Portmeirion]

Forgot to mention there's an age difference - he's 31 and I'm 38.

[anyfucker]

sorry no advice at all

but shall watch this thread with interest

< has a boring life emoticon >

[anyfucker]

errr, just one teensy question

who is J ?

[SpandexIsMyEnemy]

tbh you need to play things carefully I think here, how much personal info are you giving away about him in relation to what you're getting back?

he could be a nice bloke, on the other hand might not be iycwim.

[poshbloodencrustedwellies]

Agree with Spandex-be very careful,quite a odd meeting but then I guess stranger meetings of potential partners have happened.

I wouldn't be tempted by a lone man playing with a aeroplane in a park but that's me.

[honestfriend]

Just be careful you seem to be jumping the gun a bit.
How did he get your number- did you give it to him? Does he also have your address?

Who's to know that he doesn't spend every day lurking in the park looking for single mums to chat up and ask out?

What do you know about him? Address? Names? Phone numbers? Why no job? Ia m sure if you have talked for 3 hrs you must know these things. Worst case he could be a paedo looking to get to know a mum and her kid.

You need to be careful. I would expect a few more phone calls and a couple more coffes in a public place before anything more heavy like dinner- just the same as if you had net over an internet dating site.

[SpandexIsMyEnemy]

tbh i'd be more weary about the fact he was so willing to allow DS to play with the aeroplane. he's prob a nice bloke, and just hasn't thought things out, but please be careful.

[CoteDAzur]

Nothing wrong with a bit of casual sex, if that is what you need.

Btw, you are the only person on MN who refers to his kid as "J" (rather than DS) so I'm not sure about the effectiveness of the namechange

[VersdeSociete]

Isn't J the bloke?

[poshbloodencrustedwellies]

thought 'J' was Joel- the OP'S stranger not her DS

[anyfucker]

the Op referred to "J" as being out of work didn't she? So not a ds, unless a grown-up one

am I being fick?

[poshbloodencrustedwellies]

X posts with vers

[SpandexIsMyEnemy]

cote - I call my DS 'J' on here sometimes, that aside I think OP is meaning the man is J - as in Joel. not her DS.

[anyfucker]

"J" is Joel?

That makes sense < phew >

The way the OP wrote it, it almost seemed to mean that "J" was dp/dh who was at home, poorly

[fanjolina]

J isn't the OP's child - it's the bloke, Joel

[anyfucker]

I think I need a coffee

[fanjolina]

oops

[VersdeSociete]

I think you should take it very very slowly and carefully, given how you met and the little you know about him - meet in a public place in the dyatime, find out more about him.

[MorrisZapp]

I don't see the problem with getting to know this guy better, with all the usual precautions against involving your kid or risking him being let down.

Most people don't know their partners until they start going out with them so I can't see what's wrong with not knowing him already - my friends and I all met our partners while blind drunk in the pub.

Maybe I'm a dreamer - I thought your story sounded like a film starring Sandra Bullock or something, and didn't for a moment think about paedos or anything sinister like that!

I like to hang out, stroll around, sit in parks etc myself and I think it's a shame that men can't do this too without being considered dodgy.

[wannaBe]

aren't people jumping to conclusions just a bit here?

Are only men that have been made aquaintence with through mutual friends/at work etc trustworthy?

At least the man has been honest about not currently having a job (and tbh in the current financial climate not having a job is going to be something that is more and more common) if he wanted to lure op into his "paedo" world then he could just as easily have made himself out to be an executive/high-flying financier/ telling a perspective partner you're unemployed isn't exactly the most attractive is it? so by admitting he's unemployed he has already taken a massive risk.

Op if you like him then have dinner with him. All friends/partners start out as strangers at some point, I think this whole notion that because he was in the park he must be a paedo waiting to prey on single parents is just madness. And while of course anyone needs to be careful about who they get involved with, as long as initial meetings etc are in public and you get to know him a bit better before going further, I really don't see the harm.

[honestfriend]

But how many guys do you know aged 31 who play with a toy aeroplane in a park if they don't have kids?

Trying to be open minded, and he may well be fine, but on the other hand, it's a good way to get talking to women!

[londontipton]

He SOUNDS charming.

Please have lots of fun with him and enjoy being "wooed" again.

My only proviso would be to keep him away from your DS for quite a while so you can suss him out properly.

[wannaBe]

I do actually.

A friend of dh's plays with toy aeroplanes (and actually they're not toys, model aeroplanes are a massive business). And ironically he's 31, although his name isn't joel and he doesn't like kids .

You need open space to fly model planes, so a park is usually a good place to do it.

And the man left remember? He didn't stick around to chat up the op/lure her ds to his den, he left the park and it was only by coincidence that she met him in the cafe later on.

[honestfriend]

wannbe- I did say "worst case".

If the OP felt fine about it all, why would she ask for advice?

I just think anyone meeting a guy for the first time should be cautious especially if that first meeting happened when they had a child in tow.

I have never been in that position- met DH at 26, and we were both single and met through a mutual friend. had loads of BF before that but knew most through work, college etc etc.

Dinner's fine as long as you don't go getting into a stranger's car, inviting him back for coffee etc et when you don't know him from Adam- just sensible precautions really, imo.