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do you think there are women out there that deliberately go after married men?

(66 Posts)
wannaBe Sat 11-Oct-08 15:08:40

There is a woman in dh' office who had an affair with a married man (you might remember a thread from a while back about woman still living at home shagging married man). Anyway, the affair was discovered, the fallout was apparently big enough that it meant he had to leave the company in order to save his marriage.

But dh was recently talking about another colleague of his and about how this woman (the one that shagged the guy above) is always coming round to sit on his desk/how they're always having lunch together/how she calls him from the other side of the office etc etc. This guy is also married, and has two children. So I asked dh if this colleague of his had shagged this woman and he said "I don't know, but I wouldn't be surprised."

Now, I can see how someone might get drawn into an affair with a married man (we are all human after all). But surely once you'd done it once, and been part of the inevitable fallout/hurt that it caused, surely no-one would go there again with yet another married man?

expatinscotland Sat 11-Oct-08 15:09:47

yes, there are.

and there are men who are low enough to take them up on it.

quinne Sat 11-Oct-08 15:15:43

they do it because they want to prove to themselves that they are superior to the wives by stealing the husband. Whether they want to keep them is another matter. Its just a power trip for those women. (a bit like being in the nightclub aged 19 and a girl with long blonde hair and dressed like a WAG tries to get your boyfriend to chat her up. She didn't want him - she's out of his league - but it reminded everyone that she was the alpha female.)
Pathetic really. But then so are the men who fall for it.

MadameOvary Sat 11-Oct-08 15:28:53

Definitely.
DP is always being flirted with, and was when he was married too.
I could never do it, its a whole world of pain.

Lauriefairycake Sat 11-Oct-08 15:30:45

of course, there are always going to be people for whom this sort of thing is preferable, usually due to issues with intimacy and low self-esteem.

UnquietDad Sat 11-Oct-08 15:30:59

I think it's a weird idea. I've never experienced it. Maybe DW was the only one who wanted me! grin

solidgoldskullonastick Sat 11-Oct-08 15:33:14

Well, there are bound to be some (because almost every myth of human sexual behaviour has its roots in real experience and people do all kinds of things for all kinds of reasons). But whatever these women do doesn't amount to a free-forgiveness ticket for married men who breach monogamy without consulting their wives: these women are not forcing married men into sex by offering it.

Sanctuary Sat 11-Oct-08 15:45:28

This sounds like my SIl

She had an affair for 5 years
It did`nt work his wife found out .He know works in Asia he had to get away or loose his marriage his family is to follow him
This was in September

Well now she is seeing another married fella who again has kids WTF

I used to respect her now I feel she needs a good slappingangry

quinne Sat 11-Oct-08 16:11:44

It is funny how men sometimes do not see it sometimes. I walked into my office one day - my DH and I run a small firm together - and there was a woman who worked for us sitting on the desk next to him, wearing a short skirt, legs inches from his face and the body language from her was unmistakeable. When I interrupted and he turned round to talk to me she even glared at me behind his back! She had a history of affairs and she was the pushiest human being I have ever met (I can't say i liked her much!). But even now two years on , my DH still does not think she was trying it on. (we sacked her later BTW).

Liffey Sat 11-Oct-08 17:08:53

I think there are yeah. Women who don't want to risk either the attachment, or don't want to risk being the one before the one...

Or women who enjoy the power of a man cheating 'for them'.

Weird. Don't know why they bother. The good opinion of other women has always been very important to me, and to some women, it's just not.

dittany Sat 11-Oct-08 17:15:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

georgimama Sat 11-Oct-08 17:20:56

Yes definitely, I think it is partly immaturity, they enjoy the thrill of the chase and all the drama and heartache involved (in perverse kind of enjoyment). Routine domesticity doesn't cut it for them. There are of course many many men the same.

Sanctuary Sat 11-Oct-08 17:45:33

What gets me is

SIL thought the married twat would leave his wife for her.
When he got the chance when his wife found out he did`nt and begged his wife back.
SIL still thought he would eventually
Then wants TLC from those that know of the sordid thing when he left for abroad..."WHAT ABOUT HIS WIFE" ?

As is doing it agin with someone elsehmm

jellybeans Sat 11-Oct-08 17:53:28

Definately. I know some of them too, all disturbed. Often, there is a disfunctional relationship with the father. These women have low self esteem and major mental issues. I don't think they get anywhere in the long term though, even those who end up with the married man don't seem happy.

darkpunk Sat 11-Oct-08 17:55:15

yes, deffo.

Mercy Sat 11-Oct-08 17:58:21

Dittany, I agree.

I got a few passes made at me once I'd been married for a while. An older friend explained to me that some men think a married woman is more likely to be interested in a no strings type relationship - and to keep quiet about it.

CoteDAzur Sat 11-Oct-08 18:05:04

Not that I condone seducing married men, but for a woman in her thirties, it is quite hard to find a man with no attachments.

There is also a bit of desperation that sets in as the biological clock keeps ticking away, and I guess principles fly out of the window.

NotQuiteCockney Sat 11-Oct-08 18:07:09

I suspect some women want unavailable men. If the whole relationship is about hiding and secrecy, and if he were single, it would just be perfect ... well, that's much less intimate than a normal relationship with actual possibilities, iyswim.

dittany Sat 11-Oct-08 18:09:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

quinne Sat 11-Oct-08 18:39:53

predatory women are not a myth. they exist along with stupid women, predatory men and stupid men.

quinne Sat 11-Oct-08 18:42:47

and of course intelligent women, reponsible women, responsible men, intelligent men, etc etc
It takes all sorts.

MeMySonAndI Sat 11-Oct-08 18:52:37

I'm not surprised to be honest, I think that after a certain age any man that seems a bit acceptable is married, HOWEVER that's not an excuse to choose from the taken stock...

Having said that... I know a woman whose marriage ended because her husband had an affair, and although she has not yet forgive the woman she doesn't have any problems in getting involved with married men. But then she is an idiot.

beansontoast Sat 11-Oct-08 19:51:07

im guessing that initially it could be an enormous buzz for ones ego?

you could kid yourself that it means you are 'more attractive,interesting...or whatever trait you want to be valued for...etc'

you could play the role of being his salvation/muse...

im sure it is very attractive to lots of women

kalo12 Sat 11-Oct-08 20:06:56

i knew a girl whose father had had an affair and left her mum ( who was a bit of a depressive and totally bitter naturally) with four kids to bring up on her own. the dad married the other woman, and this girl had low self esteem issues cos her mum was always a bitch to her, anyway, she always flirted with other peoples partners an married men and I realised that she just wanted to be 'the other woman' because in her upbringing that was really the most advantagoeus positon. She tried flirted with my dh but she's an ugly old cow and my dh is totally devoted so it was all a bit tragic!

spicemonster Sat 11-Oct-08 20:16:07

Probably, in the same way that there are men that deliberately go after women who are in relationships. But it's the choice of the person who's made the vows whether or not they take them up on the offer - male or female

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