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Am i doing ok on my own and have i made the right choice?

(8 Posts)
littlemissworry Fri 10-Oct-08 20:28:20

Not posted for a little while about things but I could do with some reassurance that I have made the right decision. I left husband at the beginning of August, lived with my mum for several weeks before coming back home (h moved into rented house - i paid the rent shock). My 2 dss and I have been back about 4 weeks now and seem to be getting on really well without h living here (he still helps with school runs and has the boys at weekends for a day/afternoon). I'm enjoying being on my own, don't miss him at all and overall think I'm much less angry at the children. Their behaviour, on the whole, seems better and ds1 who is coming up for 8, when I've asked him the question, says he likes it best with just me and his brother. Thing is, h wants to come back and try again and although I feel sorry for him I don't love him and can't trust that he has changed (he's been unreasonable in the past in many ways). We've been married 10 years and divorce was always something I was totally against, but now I'm faced with the situation am beginning to think differently. Surely, if I loved this man and wanted to be with him, I would miss his company?

LuLuMacGloo Fri 10-Oct-08 20:31:53

I think you've answered your own question in your final sentence. From everything you've said you and the dss's are doing brilliantly without him.

HRHSaintMamazon Fri 10-Oct-08 20:34:14

You don't want to try again, if you did yu would know it already.
Dont allow yourself to be pushed into it as all that would happen is confuse your DS and make you all go through this whole episode again.

It is far better to say clearly that NO, the marriage is over and for you all to move forward

littlemissworry Fri 10-Oct-08 20:36:24

Absolutely what I have been thinking smile. I couldn't bear to put us through again what we've been through in the last couple of months.

BEAUTlFUL Sat 11-Oct-08 11:04:55

It sounds like tou've done the right thing! Good for you. God no, don't have him back unless you can't live without him. No no no. Onwards & upwards. He had 10 years to make you happy, don't give him an extension.

littlemissworry Sat 11-Oct-08 14:38:17

It's quite weird in a way as we are getting on very well as friends which is great as far as the boys are concerned. But little things make me bristle and I'm sure all the resentment would build again if he came back, with things that have gone on in the past. He says he's changed and we wouldn't fall back into old patterns but I'm not so sure. And as I don't love him then at the age of 34 I reckon I need to move on and, even if it's not for some time, show my dcs what a proper loving relationship should be like.

mumoverseas Sat 11-Oct-08 15:20:33

as LuLu has said, you already seem to know the answer to your question.
I can understand that you want to perhaps think about it, many women do want to give it a second chance, just in case.
I made this mistake years ago with my ex husband. We were apart for 2 years but I (stupidly!) thought he'd changed so took him back. He hadn't changed, was a complete arse (still) and the second break up was far worse than the first for the kids who were that much older. I'm not saying this would happen to you, but its a decision not to be taken lightly.
one thought though, what about counselling or mediation? Mediation would help if you think the relationship is over and they could assist with resolving other isses connected to the breakdown of a relationship, ie the finances and any children issues. Good luck

solidgoldskullonastick Sat 11-Oct-08 15:30:41

No, don't take him back. The reason you and he are getting on better now is that you are NO LONGER A COUPLE. A good co-parent relationship is a wonderful thing: much better for all concerned than a failing couple- relationship.

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