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Oh god I have just clicked on google toolbar search history and (adult eyes only)

(15 Posts)
SoUpsetAtThisMoment Fri 10-Oct-08 12:00:01

dh has been looking up gay porn. Couple this with the fact that he has previsouly had a gay experience (with a family member of mine) which I am very paranoid about anyway. He isn't that interested in sex at all but it is not a major point between us as we are both usually tired anyway. He is a fantastic dad to the kids and we get on really well although there isnt really much of a spark between us.

I don't know what to do. I feel betrayed. is he gay? bisexual? just curious? I don't really have anything against people using porn but this has floored me. He is very 'macho' and has made crass jokes about gay people which makes me think that maybe he is this way because he is trying to cover up the fact that he is gay.

What the hell do i do?

Regular btw. I have been around along time; mad tablecloth lady, the bat, morticia blah blah. Wish I was bloody trolling. sad If it was just me I am sure I would leave although I do love him but I can't bear the thought of what this would do to my kids. sadsadsad

lisad123 Fri 10-Oct-08 12:02:41

talk to him. Theres no point stressing yourself that his gay, bi or just looking you need to know.
If he is bi or gay will that be the end for you two? Odd question i know but i guess it depends on how important sex is within your relationship. Does he seem unhappy? sorry

Overmydeadbody Fri 10-Oct-08 12:05:08

He could just have gay fantasies and the porn is enough to satisfy his fantasies.

I think lots of people have fantasies that they would never ever want to actually happen in reality.

Talk to him and let him know you want him to be open with you and you won't judge him for doing so.

SoUpsetAtThisMoment Fri 10-Oct-08 12:05:56

I just wouldn't trust that he isn't going to have another 'experience'. We were together and I was pregnant when it happened before. The betrayal would be the problem.

SoUpsetAtThisMoment Fri 10-Oct-08 12:07:28

I agree OMDB as I have fantasised about things that I wouldnt want in RL it is the previous betrayal which he denied was a gay thing just a drunken opportunity. Now this.

SoUpsetAtThisMoment Fri 10-Oct-08 12:08:51

really naive but can anyone tell me what a 'twink' is sad this was in one of the searches. he obviously knows his terminology.

bellavita Fri 10-Oct-08 12:11:58

sad for you

wink or twinkie is a gay slang term describing an attractive young or young-looking gay man (usually in his late teens or early twenties) with a slender build and little or no body hair.[4][5] In some societies, the term chick or chicken is preferred.[6] Twinkle-toes is a related term also used, usually in a derogatory manner, to imply a man is effeminate.[7] The terms can be complimentary or pejorative.[8][9]

I googled "twink" and copied and pasted this off wykapedia (sp)

SoUpsetAtThisMoment Fri 10-Oct-08 12:13:35

thanks bella. Couldnt bring myself to google it. sad but just as I expected.

bellavita Fri 10-Oct-08 12:15:34

I hope you manage to sort things out.

MrsMattie Fri 10-Oct-08 12:17:41

Sorry to hear about this.

I don't really buy all this 'it's just a bit of harmless fun' rubbish. I would be very suspicious.

SoUpsetAtThisMoment Fri 10-Oct-08 12:20:29

yes Mrs Mattie if it was just the porn alone I would be a little concerned but coupled with what happened before it is more than a little worrying.

SoUpsetAtThisMoment Fri 10-Oct-08 12:21:30

he will probably be home at 1pm and I don't know where to start or what to say.

Overmydeadbody Fri 10-Oct-08 12:27:45

Talk to him.

Try to stay calm, even if you feel like shouting or loosing it, you're more likely to get straight answers from him that way.

Tell him you need to know the truth, and that he should be able to tell his wife the truth, after all.

I'm really sorry you have to go through this.

lulabellarama Fri 10-Oct-08 14:16:50

I was in a similar position in my last relationship and despite him saying he'd just looked at stuff out of curiousity, I later found out that he'd been emailing men to meet up on several occasions. At the time I believed him when he said that he'd never gone through with it, but I am now certain that he did.

If it was just the porn I'd be a bit shocked but not concerned, but the fact that he's done something in the past would make me worry.

And my ex was exactly how you describe your bloke, macho and prone to making crass gay jokes.

I know people are suggesting you try to talk to him, but in my experience he will completely clam up and cover it up, through his own shame. Better to keep a close eye on him, sadly.

greenday Fri 10-Oct-08 14:24:01

Sorry to hear about this. Just a thought - is there any chance he may have wanted you to find out? Leaving it in the google search history is a bit too careless of him if he were to really want to keep this a secret.
Is it maybe something he wants you to be aware of, even though not consciously?

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