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Sex drive went years ago. DH slept in spare room last night. Help.

(12 Posts)
Velindre Fri 10-Oct-08 08:29:06


Got to go to work shortly but need advice.

Title says it all really.

DH not speaking to me this morning. Went into a sulk last night cos "it" didn't happen. Again. He does sulk and it'll probably last all evening tonight as well.

I'm stressed at work. I went to bed early because I've got a cold.

But then I guess he feels there's always some excuse.

Need help. How do I get the sex drive back.

Spent two hours awake last night feeling panicky and anxious. Often have insomnia but this was horrid. Feel like I might break at some stage.

Feel like crap. sad

sarah293 Fri 10-Oct-08 08:30:08

Message withdrawn

Velindre Fri 10-Oct-08 08:30:19

I am often around here btw, just felt the need to name change for this one.

lilymolly Fri 10-Oct-08 08:33:08

oh welcome to my world

Ok I am 17 weeks pregnant with sickness for all 17 weeks of them- but we rpob have sex an average of about once every 2 months sad

My dp asked me last time we had kissed (properly) I told him prob about 17 weeks ago when he had his fun grin

Not nice, but at the moment if I never have sex again it would be too soon.

Not much help I know, but at least someone else is similar to you.

Elasticwoman Fri 10-Oct-08 08:36:36

If you have a cold, take time off work, take paracetomol or other cold remedy, drink plenty of fluids and go to bed.

He probably thinks: she's well enough to go to work, why can't she ....

When you get up from your sickbed do something loving for dh - make him a cup of tea, give him a warm hug, whatever seems appropriate.

cariboo Fri 10-Oct-08 08:37:04

I feel like that too! We're all in such a stress atm that sex is about as exciting as unloading the dishwasher. I wish that dh & I could have separate rooms (he snores) but do feel horribly guilty that I have absolutely 0 sex drive. I dread it. I don't know how to get it back but have noticed that when we do get together, I enjoy it far more when there are no dcs around (at grandparents) & in the afternoon rather than at night when soooo tired.

Velindre Fri 10-Oct-08 10:02:41

I have to spend this evening with a man who is not talking to me. It could last all weekend. I know it's childish of him but it's horrible to be on the receiving end of it.

What am I going to do?

Feel like crying quite frankly. Am in a shared office so that's not a good idea!

Just feeling really twitchy and stressed. sad

LouMacca Fri 10-Oct-08 10:05:20

How long has it been like this? Is it worth going to your GP about your lack of sex drive? Could be something medical.

((sending hugs))

Velindre Fri 10-Oct-08 10:06:29

Don't send hugs - eyes have just filled up!!!


Thank you though.

LouMacca Fri 10-Oct-08 10:14:24

Message withdrawn

morningpaper Fri 10-Oct-08 10:16:10

Can I suggest counselling?

solidgoldskullonastick Fri 10-Oct-08 10:18:22

Well his attitude is hardly conducive to putting you in the mood. Men who behave like this are their own worst enemies when it comes to improving a couple's sex life: by turning sex into a service a woman 'ought' to provide, they remove all the potential pleasure from it.
What happens is the couple get into a vicious circle of him pestering for sex, her retreating, him sulking, her sulking and neither of them communicating much at all.
The first thing to do is to accept that the problem is not with either partner, the problem is with THe Relationship (ie it's no good one partner saying, you're frigid and the other saying, you're a beast: neither partner is wrong with regard to the amount of sex wanted). What can sometimes work is an agreement that on so many nights of the week (usually two or three), sex is totally off the menu and the sex-craving partner is not allowed to ask, hint or beg for sex. This helps by taking the pressure off the less-horny partner and allowing for affectionate gestures without stress on either side. ON some nights of the week the horny partner is allowed to ask for sex (but only to ask, not to insist), and on one night a week then sex can only happen if the less-horny partner initiates it.

It's also helpful to think about what you want from your partner otherwise: is he helping with the shitwork? Men who do more housework get more sex, tell him. Is he generally nice to you, interested in you, courteous to you? Some people recommend romantic dinners etc as a way of warming things up, but this can backfire as the less-horny partner spends the whole meal thinking: after all this effort I am going to have to open my legs.
Finally, is your partner good at sex? Do you enjoy it when you have it or could his technique use a bit of help? If so, get a book or two to share or some sexy DVDs (unless one or both of you has issues around 'porn') - try some Petra Joy stuff.

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